fuck this life

goodnight :)

how many substances do i need to abuse to feel literally fucking anything

i don’t think it’s too late to restart. i don’t know that i totally believe in reincarnation but there’s a chance that i could do all this over again. i wouldn’t mess up so much the next time around. i wouldn’t ruin my body and destroy any chance at love that i could ever have. i am going to do better the next time around. god, i really hope i can remember my mistakes. it’s worth a shot, right?

i never have to do anything ever again. i didn’t make myself vomit because i needed to, i just wanted to. fuck you.

i know eating disorders don’t have an age restriction but damn i’m starting to feel way too old to have an eating disorder

seeing someone online and thinking “hey i wanna look like that” then looking for their pronouns to see how trans i am

my coworker told me i look skinny!!!

someone please help me. something is in my head. i watched it reach its hands into my skull and into my brain. dark, shadowy hands. i didn’t do anything to stop it, it was calming me down from the panic attack i was having. but it’s still in there, in my brain, and it won’t leave. no matter how hard i slam my head, it won’t leave. someone help me, it hurts.

does anybody else get the uncontrollable urge to repeatedly slam your head onto some sort of blunt corner or is that just another space to fill in on my mental illness bingo card

officially tired to the point of seeing spiders

one year sober.

i never really struggled with strong relapse urges before, none that lasted more than a few hours, but holy fuck it’s been weeks and every day i just want to drink more and more. i’ll be one year sober on the 22nd, that’s the only thing keeping me going.