synopsis: roman copes with hollis being not so gentle with him..
note: hi very small oneshot i’m sorry for being soooo slow xo also apologies if u see some writing mistakes in this im just trying my best <33
little!roman carer!hollis
Curled up on the clean white sheets in the hotel room bed, Roman tried to suppress multiple tears from rolling down his pale skin. He failed, they’re already forming red streaks against his skin. Roman had promised himself that, if this happened again, he would leave. He would try to become more independent and part ways with Hollis. The blonde was no good for him, yet he couldn’t separate himself from him.
They have been friends since they were teenagers, and secret lovers for a couple of months. It was perfect, making music and touring with the man you love and look up to the most. It was supposed to be a great opportunity, right? Not when Hollis tended to become harsh behind closed doors. What started as a slight disagreement, always ended up with Hollis saying things towards Roman that he knew he didn’t mean. Tonight, after the show the boys wanted to go out and walk around for a bit. Roman shook his head and said he was going to go back to the hotel, considering he was kind of exhausted. They had been playing shows for three consecutive days and he wondered how the others even had energy to still go out this late.
Hollis furrowed his brows, he always wanted to keep an eye on Roman. It was almost predatory how he looked at Roman when he suggested he was gonna part his way from him for a couple of hours. The dark-haired boy put his hand up to signal a simple goodbye and he started to turn, the hotel was only a couple of blocks away.
“Have a girl waiting for you back there, is that why you’re in such a hurry?” He hears the rough voice say behind him, Hollis’ voice. Nate and Ryan let out a playful chuckle, like they were back in elementary school. Roman stops walking and turns, giving him a blank stare. He felt so humiliated and could feel his face heat up with anger.
“Seriously? I’m just tired.. don’t be an asshole Hollis” He says, breath is visible because he was quite cold tonight. Hollis raised an eyebrow, even the simple gesture made Roman’s stomach drop. The blonde walks nearer to Roman to give him a rough shove. Roman shoved him back, he didn’t want this to escalate into a fight but it seemed like it was going to.
“You’re in a mood, I hate that.” Hollis shoves him again and again. It made Roman feel so useless, as if he couldn’t fight back anymore. He didn’t wanna fight his lover, especially in front of their friends. “What’s wrong, not in the mood to argue anymore?” Hollis adds.
“Alright Hollis that’s enough, if Roman doesn’t want to go out tonight that’s fine” Nate grabs Hollis so he will stop putting his hands on the shorter boy. Hollis gave him a final glance before they both parted ways.
So here Roman was, biting his lip. Trying to suppress more tears from coming. He isn’t supposed to be crying, it wasn’t supposed to be this serious. The exhaustion of arguments constantly being sparked by his lover. The number of times Hollis lashed out at him, he was sure some things were going on in his mind that he wasn’t aware of. But that still didn’t excuse how he has been treating him lately.
Roman sat up on the bed and checked his phone. He had already received multiple messages from Hollis, which was nothing new. He looked up at the ceiling before looking down at his phone again.
HOLLIS: you know that right?
HOLLIS: fucking answer me.
HOLLIS: i’m sorry i lashed out.
What is he supposed to say? He knows how the night would end up anyway. The series of events is always the same. Hollis lets his anger take hold of him too much, he takes things too far and then begs for forgiveness by holding him so tight. His embrace is always a blessing, Roman would be an idiot for even thinking of leaving him.
He wonders why his own mind convinces him that leaving him is best sometimes. He's an asshole, but he takes care of him. He’s a huge reason why he’s had success when it comes to music. Sure, his heart was cold at times, but his hands were so much warmer.
He’s wrapping his arms around a pillow, and there’s a wet patch on it. The mind inside his skull started to feel foggy, which was something he disliked extremely. Roman sometimes had the tendency to slip into a headspace where it’s hard to think.
The internet was helpful when it came to self-diagnosing himself with what could have him acting this way. It was strange, nothing like anything he’s ever felt in his brain before. It happened every time he got extremely overwhelmed after an argument with Hollis. He shifts into a baby-like mindset that he can’t really get out of for a while.
It was embarrassing, to him at least. He was twenty-one and still liked being treated like a child at times. He had a conversation about it with Hollis only a couple of nights ago, his heart pounding as he confessed about his new recent discovery.
Hollis was confused, he almost seemed uneasy about it. He seemed uneasy about a lot of things though, but Roman still loved him nonetheless. Roman could tell he was trying to brush it off, quickly get past that conversation. The dark-haired boy was too embarrassed to continue so he let him shut it down.
Brown eyes squeezed shut, trying to force himself to go to bed before Hollis returned so he didn’t see him like this. He sniffles, dragging his hand across his eyes as he tosses and turns.
“Go to bed Roman, He doesn’t want to see you like this” Roman whispers words to himself in the darkness as he rubs small circles on himself with his thumbs.
Then he hears the familiar footsteps he has recognized. Roman doesn’t know if to panic or try to act like he’s already asleep. He hears the door open before he can decide, quietly and softly continuing to sob. He tries to maybe get words out of his throat, to tell him to leave him alone, but he can’t.
“Baby?” He says into the darkness before flicking a light on. It burns Roman’s eyes although they’re still squeezed shut.
Roman can hear him inch nearer to the bed, and the smell of cigarettes and cologne infiltrates his nose, which just makes him want to be in his arms more. He slowly opens his eyes, they’re red with tears and his cheeks are stained. Hollis’s expression drops and he quickly takes off his shoes to sit next to the smaller boy.
“Are you okay, is it what I said earlier?” He says in a panicky tone, he grabs Roman and puts his head against his chest. Roman gives him a soft nod.
“Are you gonna give me silent treatment now?” He makes a soft chuckle, making sure Roman knows he’s joking. He brushes his lanky hands through Romans dark curls.
“Hard to speak..” Roman muffled into his chest.
“I’m so sorry baby” Hollis’ tone softens as well as his touch “I’m always making you feel terrible, you’re such an angel for tolerating it”
Roman could tell Hollis was trying his best to be gentle. He shivers as he feels the hands on him softly massaging his scalp now, he lets out soft hums.
“What does my baby need from me? I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” Hollis kisses the top of his head.
Roman just hums again and moves a bit, he grabs for his hand and sticks two of his fingers into his mouth. It was comforting how he didn’t feel Hollis even slightly try to pull away. It all felt natural.The blonde kept whispering reassuring and sweet words while he let Roman suckle on his fingers.
To Roman, Hollis was everything he ever needed.
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