I haven't been on Tumblr in a long ass time, but this is where I come to release my inner feelings and thoughts and continue to fucking hide the shit feeling I feel all the time. Maybe not ALL the time, but at SOME point during the day. I feel like a fucking ghost in a crowd of people. I just started a new job with my wife and the people are great. They're a great group and I'm happy to call them my friends. But the feeling I get every day is just loneliness, emptiness, boredom, and moreover invisible. I feel like I don't exist, I feel like I'm looked over even though I know that's not the case. I'm sick of FEELING like I'm nothing, although I know I mean so much to everyone.

Often I feel like I'm not good enough for life. Often I feel like I'm just stuck where I currently am in my life and that I'll never move forward. I know my life is great; I have a family who loves me, a roof over my head, a very nice apartment with the love of my life and future wife, but I still feel like I'm supposed to be further along in life. Kids I went to middle school with are buying houses, having kids, buying Teslas and traveling the world. I'm just stuck in the same 20 mile radius I was born in, grew up in, and traveled to on vacations for the last 26 years. I like my job in the way that the tasks are easy. I like most of the people there, and hate the people who act like they've never had a job before. I'm not looking forward to going back to work Wednesday, and putting up with bullshit from people who I shouldn't allow to give bullshit. I don't stand up for myself, I don't speak up, I prefer being by myself in my head, or with my fiancé. My life is fine, but my soul and insides are breaking