Iron Druid

“ None of those that I have ever come across… “

Neither has he read that in any of the diaries that have been passed down in his family, but that still didn’t mean that it wasn’t necessarily true… maybe just rare enough so none of his ancestors ever come across it… as this guy seemed to know his stuff when it came to vampires.

At the question of the other he smirked, in the meantime still hasn’t stopped in cutting down the vampires. He glanced in his direction for a second before focusing again on what he was doing.

“ Sure… I kill vampires out of charity… and simple just get by on the warmth of love… as if… I expect a very substantial amount of payment for what I’m doing here… I have to live on something after all. And you WILL pay, right? “

          “Yeah, it has to do with their auras in their brains and heart. The head looks for the heart and they sometimes attempt to join again.”

That’s what made them so difficult to actually kill for good, though this did not apply to all of them. Especially if you had destroyed their auras by hitting them spot on; unfortunately not many knew were to look. All this talking meant less time for speaking the words he required for unbinding, even if his mental work on the particular charm was improving to the point it was almost complete.

He would have gone naked and shifted if it was a faster method of dispatching their current enemies but as it were, he found a nice balance between the five things he was doing: hacking at them with his own sword, dodging whatever hits they were aiming at him, working on said charm, speaking the druidic words, and finally talking to the other.

        He gave the other a look of COMPASSION. From such an ancient being, he expected more. “NONE. DO you think I’m some sort of demon born from Satan’s SPERM? Christians did demonize our kind, just as many others, but we are not THAT harmful.” Some actually died, when he couldn’t control his powers. But his case was one of a kind, and he would let anyone leave unless they actually managed to offend him. “THEY ARE not victims. I may influence them, but the final choice is theirs. I always leave them with enough energy to live. What good it would do to me if I couldn’t use them again? And no, I don’t plan on feeding on you. I’ll just let you come to me once you get blue balls.”

He was unbelieving at the other’s admission, but it wasn’t guile, so much as an attempt to leave behind past failings; something the druid could accept or forgive. Still, it was obvious the other took offence at his question. “I never said or even thought that. I do have… Associates of your kind.” It was a by-product of his long lifespan after all, the amount of otherworldly creatures he’d chanced upon and subsequently either made alliances, friends, lovers; or enemies, grudge bearers, or even, when the worst was inevitable, killed.

Atticus knew of those arcane life leeches, succubi, incubi, and other similar types that leave their victims lifeless husks; and he knew of those at the other end of the spectrum, sworn to trying to fight their very nature; and lastly, those in the middle, somewhere the man before him would fit.

“ THANKS I WORK OUT DAILY!! BUT I STILL MANAGE TO NOT BE A SELF-ABSORBED DOUCHE! “

"Is there a good kind of gas? If so tell me about it." he perked a brow.

“ NO! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO AGREE, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HUMBLE THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING I AM NOT COMPLEMENTING YOU ANYMORE YOU SELF-LOVING PRICK! “

“ DON’T YOU JUST LOOK IN THE MIRROR FROM TIME TO TIME AND THINK… WHY AM I SO FUCKING PRETTY?? HOW DOES THAT NOT ANNOY YOU??? “

        “PLEASE, DON’T tell me. I’d rather FEEL it.” Words of truth this time, but eventually a smile was growing on his lips. While he actually didn’t care for the other’s happiness, it was nice to have someone putting up with his lewd attitude. “YOUR ENERGY. I felt a spike and came here to check. No, I’m not going to attack you—I can recognize my limits, although I don’t know exactly what you are. But hey, now that I’m looking at your face I’m not disappointed. What about you?”

“ WHAT IS A BEAUTIFUL PERSON LIKE YOU DOING AT A SHIT PLACE LIKE THIS???? “

        “I DIDN’T know it was so important to you. I can lie, if you want? I don’t mind making people happy. There, I see something—oh, god! It must be so thick, so hard, and your balls! So big and full of manly spunk. You could water the crops with that hydrant.” It was hard to maintain a straight face, but for saying such things, he looked incredibly serious, like a warrior who sworn an oath. He didn’t take the other for the kind of guy who liked to be pleased, worshipped, but then all ancient beings did. “OH, YOU just cum on yourself? I bet your semen has magical and regenerative properties. I totally approve of this natural remedy.”

       “YOUR PANTS. I’ve been staring at your crotch for quite a while now and there doesn’t seem to be anything particularly impressive down there.” This was one of those rare occasions in which Jasper wouldn’t mind being proven wrong, but the uptightness of the other didn’t leave room for much hope. Not that he had just one way to get his way with people. “MAY I ask you what cream you use then? You still have a wonderful skin.”

        “OF COURSE. It means your energy is out of the ordinary. It’s like having a HUGE DICK.” He couldn’t place how old he was or WHAT he was, but he was powerful. There was a reason if his hands weren’t already on him. “I’D ASK how old are you, but I don’t want to hurt your sensibility.”

He would be surprised by the blunt salaciousness from the other were the druid not aware of the dual nature — but the huldrekall part was obviously the one to be blamed for the remark — of the stranger, through his magical sight. Cautiousness warred with the desire to rise and take the bait, “Who’s to say I don’t?”

“ I’m glad you are such EXPERT  in this… but that is the only way for me and it worked pretty well so far so… I think I’ll stick to it. “

Meanwhile he wasn’t idle either, the sword swinging in his hand swiftly as he was cutting down anything that tried to attack him, his movements almost like a fluid dance, not having time to stop and observe the technique of the other and that’s not what he got paid for anyway. When this nest was done then they can properly share trade secrets but he got the vibe more and more that the other is just trying to show off.

          “You do know that some still — operate with their heads detached right?”

As vampires went out in splashes, or occasionally explosions, of blood and gore, and got their body parts hacked off, Atticus tried to plan his next move on the grand scale of things. Seeing the other through magical sight, as is his defaulted state when dealing with vampires and any other potential mythical creatures, revealed that the other wasn’t exactly human and that might have piqued his interest. He hardly knew the man, but anyone killing vampires (paid or not) was a prospective ally in his war against vampires in his book. After all, he’d been spending centuries of amassed gold to fund mercenaries and the like.

        “—YOU’RE ancient. In a good way.”

          “There’s a good way?”

Rarely have Lambert been surprised, it came with the job, you see all sorts of weird stuff and sometimes even new monsters pop up from time to time, but otherwise the trade was pretty standard. But this guy… now this was something completely new… and his weird ways.

“ You WHAT… “

          “Chopping their heads off and staking them are so inefficient.”