Wilde Kasiele

My final year, my final day, my tradition of the 30th ritual. I made it to almost 30 baby.

I only have half an hour to write this so I will pour my heart out. I have never felt more ready to finish a birthday year, a decade, as I have today.

I am in at the botanical gardens and about to watch my mother Queen and her debut movie, House of Gucci. I am going to keep this post short and sweet. The sun is setting, with pink and blue hues. The crickets are singing and it is a warm summer night.

2021, the year where it felt like an extension of 2020 where nothing much changed from everything that I wrote last year. The year where I mastered my daily routine, my affirmations, my foundation in the universe and my home. I let go of a lot and I also discovered a low of new identities. I discovered who my true friends where that I loved, and those who I didn’t as much. I loved a lot and I also loved not at all.

The year I worked on myself and began weightlifting at the gym and found a new high in life.

I completely lost myself this year when I gained weight, the hair loss, the extreme malnourishment and then found myself back to myself this week and I am the most beautiful and glowing I have been in years.

This year was also the year of cilbacy for me and I really connected with myself intimately like never before 🥺

This year has been the most stable year of my life where I built a home with mama and we lived and grew together like we never have before. I also explored myself artistically and hit places that I never thought I would. I started a new chapter of my life and discovered new dreams. To sum up this year would be to say; refined. I feel like I grew a new heart, mind and body this year and I’m ready to step into… 30.

I want to tell my future self that the end of my 20’s does not mean to forget who I was or no longer able to be who I am. But rather, it will an evolving of who I already am.

Today will be the last time I ever write with the 20. We my heart feels sentimental.

It really feels like the end of an era. To celebrate, I’m going to write 20 lessons I learnt in my 20’s.

I grew new skin this year and have decided that this will be the last Tumblr post I will do. I’m so grateful for al the memories I’ve recorded on this platform and how healing this space was for me.

To close off…

I am beautiful, powerful & abundant.

The Universe is within me as I am within her.

I am at peace with everything that is happening in my life. I am compassionate, kind, loving & open to myself and everyone else.

I am well spoken, I speak my truth and I honour my existence.

I deserve all that is presently in my orbit.

I mind my own business to master my crafts and I believe in myself future present and past.

My intuition guides me.

I am divine.

I am ethereal and real in a spiritual dream.

I am the physics creator of my desires and all else in between.

Welcome to a new decade baby.

I love you with all my heart young Kassandra.

Baby Kasiele.

You will forever be apart of me. Dream big bitch.

The roaring 20’s are ending now my love and to say it was beautiful is a fucking under statement. Best of luck to your 30’s honey.

Goodbye my psycho, my sweetheart.

11:48pm

30th January 2022’

Age: 29

29

It is the infamous 30th of January and fuck me, this has got be the first year ever that I haven’t felt hyped for my birthday.

What a goddamn year where to start, 2020, the year where everything fell apart and shook the whole Earth into a new dimension.

Its 11:17pm and the last forty-five minutes until my birthday so let’s make it one hell of a half an hour baby, I’m really pushing it for time this but I made it before midnight so here we go. This birthday is the first time I’ve not travelled somewhere and am home in Melbourne for my midnight ritual. It’s been 5 years since I’ve ever celebrated my birthday home in Australia. Which feels incredibly weird but beautiful and grounding at the same time. Im in my room and space that I spent my whole year building, surrounded by my lush plant babies and ambiance of my candles & neon lights. A true introvert heaven.

I have one word for 2020. Claustrophobia. Corona quarantine. The year of death.

28 has been the most humbling, shadow breaking and confronting year of my life. I feel like I purged absolutely everything in my life and shed a lot of skin. Died in multiple ways and let go of everything down to the skin of my bones.

A year of extreme fluctuations, being alone and also not wanting to socialise with anyone. A real year isolation with only my beautiful darkness. An incredible year of fucking introspection like never before.

It was indeed, very dark and not that magical to be honest, but I’ve brought I back to life now and I’v saved it out the other end. I struggled really fucking hard this year. But I’ve also had the best fun reconnecting with my inner child.

With on/off sobriety, a deep heartbreak, losing my sanity, no freedom to explore, travel and adventure around the world (which is the bane of my existence), no tattoos or entertainment, my extreme weight gain from quitting smoking & drugs and inhabiting a brand new level of self loathing I never knew existed within, I still made it out with a badass attitude. I made it. 

28, where to begin. The first year I’ve ever been forced to be unemployed and have time to live and do whatever the I wanted. It was hard but I took that time and turned it into gold. The year I emerged as the Artist I’ve always dreamed to be. The year I’m the thickest I have ever been, cut my own hair and also turned it into a mullet, the year I quit smoking and still thriving like the baddest bitch alive. This year I created a permanently living space at home and bonded with my mum like I never have before. Also the year I became a plant mama myself and found a new love for living life differently than to my usual. This year wasn’t very adventurous or as wild I’d hope my time on Earth was going to be but it was incredibly wholesome and grounding. Being forced into lockdown this year was so tough, spending 7 months being locked indoors while I was having to deal with a break up and loss of self really let me sit in a dark room with nothing but drugs and a bookshelf of liquor to get me through. But if it wasn’t for the break up I went through with him, I wouldn’t have opened up traumas inside me and held a mirror up to myself to see where I needed to heal in order to be who I am today. 2020, the year I wasn’t allowed to travel anymore than 5kms from my house for 7 months. The year I wasn’t allowed to leave the country and forced to find haven in the suburbs. The year of 9PM curfews, fucking skincare and  tiktok.

I fed myself so much drugs, alcohol and depression that I drugged myself into voluntary sobriety. I can’t say it wasn’t a good time though, it was too good of a time if anything, and I wouldn’t change it for the Universe. It was honestly the only thing that kept me going and cope with. Amazing, the hardest part is having to withdraw and say goodbye to my beloved drug addiction. I haven’t been on this many benders since Europe, but it was all home benders which was too dangerous for my wellbeing. I wish I could be on drugs forever with no come downs. What a dream. Big shoutout too all the beautiful meaningful highs this year and benders with all my best friends. I wouldn’t have survived without them. Fuck I love my friends.

But give a little mention this year was the first time I discovered a new level of tenacity and ferociousness in the workplace, realising my passionate personality does not belong in a workplace where my values do not align. I vowed this year to never work or live for a job that I do not care about. Ever. It has been a shit year but also incredibly humbling and rejuvenating experience because I have done a life changing amount of shadow work and now I’m a butterfly emerging out a cocoon. Not much may have happened this year but the biggest thing also did - my soul evolved in whole new way I’ve never felt before. And I’m feeling so magical again after feeling locked in the dark for so long. A year of a new found wisdom and surviving heartaches that hit so different.

It’s raining heavy today but my heart is warm and full of a strange feeling I haven’t felt in a long time. A feeling that, I’m exactly meant to be doing what I’m doing right now and I’m not carrying any thing in my soul that isn’t meant to be there anymore. Healed. Today is my last day of being 28. I’ll never be this young again, and that in itself is a notion of magic. I read today that we never stop being young, only becoming a different age of young as every second passes.

I’m so grateful for being alive and being 28 has truly transformed and birthed my entire being with a whole new sense of power I’ve never felt before. I just spent today writing everything I wanted to let go of and burnt it away into the sunset. I also birthed a new 29 manifestation. Here to falling in love with myself this year and getting to know myself even deeper.

The birth of the DIVINE FEMININE ENERGY.

I am loved and love to be. Pure wholesome love & peace in my heart. A newborn fearless energy. A goddess of sex, birth, creation & healing power. The Universe is within me as I am in the galaxy. I belong only to myself. I only want what wants me. Abundance of self-love & empowerment. Worthy of a million galaxies. Forever living halfway in fantasy and reality. Unapologetically.

ART HOE • PLANT MAMI • BAD BITCH • SEX GODDESS • FAIRY ON EARTH • BABY ANGEL

Lavender butterfly. My new era. I vow to never stop romanticising and celebration my incredible.

Ready to be 29 with brand new character energy. To flourish and become the most creative, beautiful, intelligent, wholesome and loving side of my soul I have ever lived to be & explored. I am an artist at heart and the artist of my own existence. I am going to create the most beautiful reality I have ever lived in, in 2021.

29 baby, I pray to the Universe and a trillion galaxies that things will be as magical and dreamy as I feel existing in this dimension.

Fuck of good riddance 2020 though, bye bitch. Thank you for opening my Saturn’s return with one hell of an entrance. I love you.

Kasiele

28

The 30th of January has got to be my favourite day in the world to write, it’s time for my annual love letter to my gorgeous self and I couldn’t be more excited.

It’s sunset on Machan’s Beach, Cairns, Australia and I'm sitting on the giant boulders of the beach in hot tropical heat. I love myself so much and to sit here and reflect on my year is just amazing. The waves are crashing against the shoreline as  watch the stars seep through the darkening cloud filled skies.

27. My absolute favourite year I have existed in my entire life and I can’t thank myself enough for that. Just wow, fucking wow Kassandra I really outdid it this time.

Badass bitch. Spiritual healer. Sweetheart of the Universe stars. Rebellious queen. Goddess of Love.

This was the year and age, I manifested exactly all of that out of my body and soul. This really was my year and I can’t believe I am still alive and grateful that I kept myself alive after so many suicidal years of battling my mental health. Exactly a year ago I left Australia to go travelling and wanted to kill myself because I was so depressed, I remember sitting on Vanessa’s porch in Long Beach, CA writing and reflecting on what I wanted to do this year and I really fucking grew into everything I wrote down and wanted myself to be.

Fearlessly, unapologetically and universally radiating pure love.

There is so much love in my heart and I feel like I've tapped into a pool of abundant infinite love that makes me feel forever safe and taken care of by the Universe. I feel like a Goddess, the woman I've always dreamt of becoming and filled with wisdom, resilience and power to conquer all that life has to give me.

This year I really fucking smashed the success and accomplished everything I planned in my early 20′s. I GRADUATED, I paid off my MERCEDES and then gave it to my mum as a gift, I am completely DEBT-FREE, I travelled through London, Sweden, Germany, Los Angeles, Mexico and Las Vegas. When I came home in march and felt out of my comfort zone and had to find a job, ended up getting promoted to a Bar Manager position and have excelled that into a well paying career. I graduated my Bachelor of Arts in sociology, psychology and gender studies and got to take my mum to graduation. Man that was a good day to see her so proud of me. I’m also so happy that I got to let go of my past and healed through my break up with Connor and realise how wrong that whole relationship was for me. Coming home from travelling this year really opened my eyes to how I was living and shifted where I felt like I belonged, and where all my relationships were heading.

This year really gave me the space to see how important it is to nurture relationships with friends & family while I am still alive. And it gave me life. I loved myself very hard this year and it felt the healthiest I’ve ever felt for my mental health and soul. I don’t feel suicidal anymore, and maybe that’s because I am in love. My my my. Where do I begin oh god I’m in love. For the first time in my life someone has made me feel like I am worthy of intimacy and the love they give me. I could write poetry about him forever and I will, but I'll save him for another day. I have the most beautiful, loving and incredibly gorgeous boyfriend in the Universe and I still can't believe as I sit here, how lucky I am to deserve a soul like him to come into my life.

I feel as though I’ve grown a new skin this year and a part of me doesn't wan’t 27 to end, but 28 feels so good against my soul and I will extend everything I manifested this year into 2020. What a beautiful new beginning it feels to walk into and I pray to the Universe that I keep growing exactly in the direction I've been going. Life feels so right, right now and I am so in love with being alive.

I want to keep adventuring around the Earth, love everyone around me, radiate and glow that big ass beautiful Goddess energy I've cultivated, be limitless and fearless in my desires. To be open in everything I know is to come and not be afraid to keep my mind, body & soul attraction all of life’s pleasures.

28 will be a year of freedom, deep love and pure gratitude for existing. A year for not expecting anything for myself except for all the things I want to do to feel alive and bask in the romance of it all. This year will be for my mental health, my soul and everything my heart wants to do spontaneously. I’m extremely eager to see what this year will bring me and excited for all the souls that are to come into my heart. I hope I stay in vivacious romantic haze I have for life and existing on this Earth and dimension.

I felt like coming home this year birthed a whole new vibe to my personality, it was a real year for expansion, experimenting and dabbling out of my comfort zone. Wildly explosive personality and it was too much fun. I’ve never dyed my hair so many different colours, gotten spontaneous tattoos all over my body and let go of the image of what I expect myself to be and what I expect myself to like. I broke and shattered through glass and it couldn’t have felt more fun. And that is something I will continue to roll with. I want to keep surrounding myself with new people, art and places that inspire me to have new experiences I never knew existed. I want to drown and obsess in it all until it kills me with inspiration, so I can rebirth myself and make it all into art. 

Life imitates art. Art imitates life.

This year was also the year I birthed Gypsy BK tumblr blog and made her apart of me. She holds all my poetry, darkest thoughts and deepest loves.

I hope to become an Artist this year and finally spend time with my creative soul, make some magic and give that to the world. Poetry, sex, nature, music, love & drugs are all the things I fell in love with and I will appreciate that. This will be the year of creativity and inspiration for this lil angel and I feel resonated with that so hard. I can’t wait to see shit blow the fuck up and where life will take me this year, guess I'll have to wait and see. I vow to love myself even harder this year and keep appreciating the essence of being. I’m so fucking proud of you and never stop doing everything you love, that keeps you alive honey!!!!!

Happy birthday baby girl. You deserve a million galaxies and everything inside.

BADASS BITCH. GODDESS OF LOVE. $WEETHEART OF THE UNIVERSE. SPIRITUAL HEALER. REBELLIOUS QUEEN. BABY ARTIST. SEX ANGEL FAIRY.

All my love, to 28.

7:40pm

30th January, 2020

It’s officially the day before my birthday and time for me to write myself the sweetest love letter to myself.

Ah another trip around the sun for this little Goddess. I really did make 26 the year of the death. It was an ugly and beautiful year for me.

I definitely feel myself growing hard this year. Honestly my life exploded in so many ways that I feel like I’m still trying to make sense of it all and picking up the pieces. 26 has been full of so much love, death & depression, breaking out of old wombs and the year of so many goodbyes. I feel like I’ve spent most of the year just thrown out into different places and made the biggest needed changes — the year I decided to break up with everything and everyone in my life. And put myself before anything or anyone else.

I moved out of North Melbourne where I had been living for 4 years. I finished my career at Holy Lashes where I’d been working for 9 years. I said goodbye to long term friends that no longer served me any positivity in life and I felt like I couldn’t be myself around. I moved back home with mum and that was beautiful and the most loving thing I’ve done for her. I also lost my license but that truly was a blessing in disguise. It pushed me to be out in the public more which weirdly helped so much with my social anxiety and triggered my sense of exploring my own city. I also had a lot of financial setbacks with someone hitting my car and the stress of financial trying to survive on a university salary. And finally, I fell madly, deeply and truly in love with the most life changing boy that put my heart in absolute bliss and turmoil. Connor Jared Palmer. A year of changes, both for the good and bad. A year of high highs and low lows.

The most significant moment of my 26th happened after my two psychological breakdowns. I broke so hard this year it’s not even funny. I don’t know how I’m still standing to be honest. This year was the year that I really felt like was existing on some form of a robot mode from overworking myself, not loving myself like I wanted too and neglecting my needs and not giving myself what I deserve. Which is what I’m going to give myself in 27. I honestly have never felt so dead and negative to the point where I isolated myself from anyone because I didn’t even have the emotional capacity to handle socialising and letting others see such an ugly side of me. This was the year I realised that I’ve been working in a job that I hate yet I don’t know why it took me this long to realise that I don’t have to work there anymore if I didn’t want to. I felt like I’d changed so much from my last birthday this place really diluted me and I didn’t fit in there anymore. This year was the year I realised that I didn’t want to live in a small apartment with Margaret anymore and walk on eggshells and feel like I couldn’t be myself around her. It stressed me the fuck out living together sometimes and I realised I had been resenting living there for so long. Honestly moving out was one of the best things I did for myself, it was so liberating and peaceful after that transition - like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.. This year my mental health really woke me up, my depression and anxiety that had been simmering on the dark side for a long time finally erupted and it hit me like a volcano. 26 was the year that I finally had the balls to really live my life the way I wanted to and I broke free. The year of “I could die tomorrow, is this how I want to spend my life?”

Being in love with Connor and meeting him after my birthday was the most beautiful thing to have ever happened to me, I haven’t felt that alive, in-love or high like that from anyone before and I was addicted. We had such a fantasy dream like relationship and we set each other on fire from the moment we met. He really gave my heart a run for the love we had and honestly the first time we broke up it absolutely killed me. I honestly didn’t know how to deal with it, because i’d never been in I’ve like this before and it was definitely a test on my heart & soul. I could write a novel on our love story. The second time was so heart crushing, he told me he wanted to commit to me and be with me...and when when it was time to happen he didn’t even want to see me after everything and shut me out. It killed me that I was in his country and he didn’t even want to see me. My heart died and I’m not sure I’ll ever have it back together again. I’m so numb.

I’ve never been the type to go back to things I’ve said goodbye to, I’m the most disciplined bitch I know but I’ve been dreaming of being in love and finding that other half to my soul - pretty much my whole life and my birthday wish lastyear was to be in love. And who knew 10 days later he came into my life...the Universe blessed me with the most beautiful boy in the world and I’ll never forget the way he made me feel. He doesn’t know it but this time last year I was suicidal and living through my demons and I had made peace with the idea that I didn’t care if I lived or died. I even told him in bed one night, I’ll never forget, he made me so full of fire and alive and I remember telling myself that I didn’t want to die anymore. He was my angel and little gift from the heavens. I’ll always adore him.

I don’t want to write more about him as my heart hurts too much to think about how much he doesn’t want to love me anymore and that we can’t be together. His rejection really broke me and I know it’s not his fault and he has his own demons but he didn’t have to use me like that. I don’t blame others for my experiences, he broke me because coming down off his love and saying goodbye to all of our dreams together really saddened me deep to the core of my soul. I love him so much but I love myself too much to let someone treat me the way he did in the end. I can love myself better than he can so why would I have someone make me feel that way. So we said our goodbye and I don’t know if we’ll be together again. My heart is gone.

The best thing that happened to me this year was the gift I gave myself. The gift of freedom and finally travelling like I’ve been dreaming of doing. Honestly I can’t believe it halfway around the world right now writing this laying in the sun. I’m finally letting myself light myself on fire again like I’ve anticipated last birthday, the seeds were planted and they’ve taken a year to sprout but I’m finally here. I’m so proud of myself for giving myself then and saving myself from dying twice this year. I really feel like I died and lost so many pieces of my soul and let go of many versions of myself and shedded skin that no longer fit me. I am prioritising my my soul and just want to get my glow back. I’m in a space where I’m figuring out the next chapter of my life and I have so much love and peace to give myself. I also made peace with my sobriety this year and I’m so proud. I also smashed another year of uni and I’m so proud.

I went to Europe in December honestly wanting to die in some trashy club hoping to overdose on anything. To save me from all the pain, struggle, depression, heartbreak and trauma that my heart went through in 2018. But I came out fighting even stronger and it’s all out of my system. I feel a strong healing and I no longer want to die anymore. I’m finally taking care of myself and giving myself the love that I’ve been over-investing into work, University, relationships and the exhaustion of just trying to hide my suicidal tendencies from the outside world. Travelling has really allowed me to release of this ugliness I’ve been feeling all year and leave behind in places and faces that I won’t experience again. The beauty of releasing and leaving behind, letting go of parts of myself I don’t want to embody. The process of healing and the ugliness of confronting the darkest parts of human experience.

26, the year I died twice and rose again. Happy sweet birthday tomorrow baby girl. You are a fiery Goddess and a powerful presence in this world and the world is finally ready for you to unleash it all. You deserve the world and the world deserves you. I can finally be me again, I feel like myself again. And it only took dying twice, travelling through four countries and delving into th most hardcore experiences to realise it all. But hey, hardcore or nothing at all is how I’ve always been. And I wouldn’t want to live any other way. I’m done with being 26 and I’m truly relieved it’s over and I get to have a fresh slate tomorrow.

I can’t wait to be the most amazing 27 year old woman who is oozing with spiritual vivacity and a love so strong that it heals everyone around me. I want to live the life I guve myself and highlights my aunthenic desires of happiness and I won’t let anything or anyone tell me I can’t. I send my intentions out, I hope I can love again and love myself in ways that I have never before and align myself with the Universe again. Good luck to me to all the souls I know will change my life and I will grow with this year. I can’t wait to meet you all. I’m so ready for the blossoming of my hard work and the passion I’m about to curate. The world isn’t ready for this ahhh I can’t wait to take everything I’ve died for this year and make it beautiful and inspiring for the world. My glow is unique and I feel my power flowing through my veins again.

Badass bitch. Spiritual healer. Sweetheart of the Universe stars. Rebellious queen. Goddess of Love.

Happy birthday honey.

Puss puss.

1:23pm

30th January, 2019

Its time for my traditional birthday post. I haven’t posted anything much on Tumblr this year at all but I won’t break my ritual stream.

Its 10:48pm and less than two hours until I turn 26. Man this whole year of being 25 has been quite the adventure with a lot of growth and me getting to know myself in ways in the darker pools. 25, the year of the Goddess of darkness.

I pushed myself out of my comfort zone this year and started dating, fell in what I thought was love and it opened up a lot of traumas deep inside my heart. My PTSD has ever been so prominent in my life from all the break ups, but in a very liberating and battling way. I felt a lot of heartbreak this year and faced a lot of challenges that forced me to confront a lot of demons. A dark but very beautiful year. A year of romanticised sadness and heartache. Also a year of great inspiring creativity, love and strength.

My highlights would have to be meeting Jonathan and having him turn my world completely upside down and bringing me into a whole other side of life that I didn’t know existed. Jarred gets a slight mention here. Going to Japan and meeting a deeply inspiring culture that inspired me to get in touch with a another world of living. Starting May Thai allowed me to evolve into the strongest version of myself mentally, physically and emotionally. I’ve become the fittest version of myself this year and I’ve never looked so good in my entire life. This was the year for aesthetics for me and I’ve really let the world see who I am through photographic lenses and felt so much love from strangers I’ve never met before on social media. Was this the year I’ve felt the coolest and exploded with a confidence I’ve always wanted? I think so. Another highlight was successfully finished another year of uni and I’m so so so proud of myself for pushing that academic sustenance every time I wanted to give the fuck up.

The last 6 months of my life has been peppered with mild depression and I haven’t really felt connected to much around me and Gus’s death really allowed me to tap into a stream of deep emotional mourning. He represented so much for me and I have such a connection with him that will never be understood by anyone else. Honestly, I’m feeling quite finished being 25 and I couldn’t be more excited to be 26. I feel so much power, energy and forces coming through and just waiting to break through my skin. Seeping through like water dripping inside a silk cloth.

This year was such a year of sowing seeds and sleeping in the dark before I wake up in a haze of power and greatness. Although its been a very romantically dark year, I do not feel any regret or wish things to have been any other way or happened differently. I’m loving all of this darkness as I feel like I’ve always had this apart of me and its been such a blessing to wholeheartedly embrace all of it. Reminder to myself today that embracing all of this darkness, does not mean I have to fail at life and can still resiliently be the loving happy side of myself when I do feel that soul resonating through. This just means that I’m finding my comfortable balance between the strong contrast of light and darkness of my personality. For so long, I’ve had to feel as thought I need to suppress this version of myself to be only what society told me I should be - but little did I know that I needed both these sides of me to complete myself, for myself. Reminded.

I haven’t felt this depressed of depth of emotion since I’ve had to get through my drug addiction and honestly I miss all of this deep emotional satire incredibly. When I was an addict I never minded all the coming down and depressing side of life and I felt the purpose for these emotions. I feel like a tortured soul who was meant to live in another universe, who has been given the pleasure to be on Earth and be a enigmatic force to stimulate minds and hearts of those around me. I am deeply emotional and it will forever be who I am, who I want to be. I love deeply and I love all sides of me until the day I no longer can breathe. 

As I lay here in bed with a glass of champagne, I envision for myself in 26, being filled with a dark romantic soul emanating with creativity, passion and love. My obsession with death lately is making me feel like I want to be more of myself without any constraints of needing to prove my worth to anyone. I’ll be myself until they close the fucking coffin. Im going to allow anyone who is attracted to my new skin shedding to be around if they can handle it, and kiss all those who don't goodnight. I definitely feel a skin shedding and rebirthing an incredibly beautiful new me. My energy is evolving, my vibe is evolving and I’m ready for the revolution of a new soul. This year, I will be incredibly open and uncontrollable honest in ways I’ve never been before and see where that will take me in my journey. Expect a lot of dark beauty, open hearted passion and rawness from this body of mine. I’m going to be the artist I've neglected for the last year and get back into my roots.

Lately, the only time I feel alive Is when I’m completely dead inside No longer wanting to hide All the beautiful demons lying Beautifully crying Softly right by my side Always wishing me goodnight.

26, fearless motherfucker, emotional bitch, unapologetic, ferocious sweetheart, beautifully obnoxious and openly clinically insane. My aspired aesthetics for this year. My biggest inspiration this year has been Gus and I feel his heart beside me all the time. His death has really changed me and I am not sorry for who I’m about to be.

Goodbye to 25 yr old baby sweetness, goodbye to all my mid 20’s fears, friends who no longer need to be around, needing to fit into the stigma of what a sober person should be and most importantly to everything about me that is about to die and that I feel no longer belong with me. I love you dearly but it’s time for a new ferocious girl to be born.

Happy birthday honey. Love me to death or don't love me at all.