RandomGuy

you punch nazis!

You describe your family dog as "a little guy who likes to cuddle on my lap or next to me. Sometimes I'm afraid I might accidentally squish him while I sleep."

The "little guy" is a rottweiler.

You talk about the last time you went to a petting zoo and put special attention into the "sweet kitty they let you feed," omitting the fact that said kitty was a grown ass lion that consumes fifteen pounds of raw meat every day.

Of course, none of your friends have actually seen the things you describe as "cute and petite", so when you mention your boyfriend, the "prettiest, most adorable guy you've met, to the point the cuteness aggression makes you want to squeeze and bite him every time you see him", of course they believe you.

Imagine their surprise when the next day you pull up with this six-feet-something tank of a guy, captain of the boxing team, a whole head taller than everyone in your friend group, and 200 lbs of pure muscle.

Your friends gulp.

In canon i like them both

I can imagine mara taking care of the kids and simon washing the dishes doesn't want to get his ass kicked by her