jang wonyoung

while Dani has just gotten out of a long term relationship with a broken heart and trust issues, Gigi has just been kicked out of a throuple and, in trying to ditch her, gets setup on a blind date with Bette, an emotionally frazzled woman who is more interested in chasing down a potential client than Gigi.

neither Dani or Gigi are romantically available, Dani internally and Gigi externally, so when they come together as friends, there is no pressure on either side to be anything more than who they are. there is no judgment. there are no expectations. there is just mutual understanding and a longing to connect. this creates a healthy basis for their friendship, and then eventual relationship, to blossom.

but ultimately, it creates a way for Dani to confront her self-doubt/inability to express herself, and a way for Gigi to find balance in her often tumultuous romantic relationships.

Dani and Gigi are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to emotions and how they express/internalize them. emotional expression vs emotional suppression. while Dani is better at controlling/suppressing her emotions, Gigi is not. and while Gigi is more emotionally expressive, Dani is not.

Gigi leads with her heart.

Dani leads with her head.

logic comes first for Dani.

feelings come first for Gigi.

after Dani’s father is arrested, Gigi helps Dani realize that she filters herself to avoid hurting others. as we’ve seen, when Dani is upset, she doesn’t mince her words and can be very “cutthroat” in the way she expresses herself. and so she’s gotten used to putting a “PR spin” on the way she communicates.

Dani does this because she doesn’t want to be like her father. as Dani’s father constantly created conflict in her relationship with Sophie, it only makes sense that when it came to Dani expressing herself—a trait she shares with him—to Sophie, Dani would shut down instead of being honest. after all, the last thing Dani wanted to do was emulate her father, someone her partner didn’t get along with.

Dani shares that this was mentally taxing for her (as it would be for anyone to cut off a part of themselves and how they naturally express/communicate their emotions.)

in the next scene, Dani admits that a part of her always knew that she and Sophie weren’t right for one another. she wonders how she was able to ignore that part of herself. Gigi agrees and attributes this to self-preservation, but instead of saying “ignore that part of myself,” Gigi says “we lie to ourselves.”

this distinction is important.

not only did Dani filter her form of expression to avoid hurting Sophie, but she also deceived herself in order to avoid the pain of that truth. with that much protection and suppression, Dani eventually built up walls around her which made it hard to let Sophie in and even harder to let her emotions out.

now that this relationship is over, Dani finds herself struggling when it comes to healthy self-expression and knowing when to trust herself after self-deluding for so long.

but in comes Gigi, someone who is very intuitive, in touch with her emotions as well as others’, an open book when it comes to expressing her feelings, a great listener, and a natural communicator.

*swoons*

however, Gigi is so emotionally available that sometimes it could be...a lot.

in past relationships, Gigi tells Dani that she used to “love like that,” meaning she was all in emotionally, probably to the point of no return.

but not anymore.

now she’s more interested in learning from whomever she’s with, giving her partner enough space to work their shit out, and taking enough space to work on her own shit. Gigi tells Dani that she lets things run their course and is just along for the ride. while this might sound nice (as Dani puts it), there is a certain level of disconnect to the way Gigi describes those relationships. there is no fire. there is no passion.

this is further supported when Gigi admits it’s nice for awhile until she gets bored and ends up alone again. from what we’ve seen of Gigi’s relationships, she can be very all-in or all-out. they seem to be fast and passionate or, as Gigi describes, drawn out and boring.

what Gigi’s lacking is balance.

Dani, i believe, helps Gigi find this balance.

Dani puts Gigi in check, holds her accountable for her “shitty” actions, and knows when to slow things down when Gigi wants to go full speed ahead. and where others have misunderstood or criticized Gigi for her affinity to be open and emotionally available, Dani says “fuck em.” by the look on Gigi’s face, this isn’t a part of her that’s often embraced.

but Dani embraces it.

Dani, on the other hand, is relearning how to do something that Gigi is a pro at, and that’s emotional security. Gigi is very good at knowing what she wants, when she wants it, and expressing those feelings without a second thought (it comes so easily to her that she sometimes doesn’t even realize she’s doing it, especially at the wrong times).

but when Dani realizes it, she calls Gigi out on it. and never one to shy away from her feelings, Gigi is honest.

upon first watch, i’m not gonna lie: this interaction confused me. besides highlighting Gigi’s flirt game, i didn’t really get the point of this scene. but upon a few (hundred) more views, i’m starting to get it.

this pattern of asking and affirming continues throughout their friendship.

when Dani says, “okay but you don’t know for sure,” it almost feels like she’s talking to herself. after having lied to herself when something felt wrong, Dani doesn’t know if she can trust herself to know when something feels right. when Gigi responds that she likes Dani’s energy, Dani admits that she doesn’t know what that means, as she's out of practice when it comes to gauging this. but Gigi reaffirms that what Dani’s feeling between them is the energy and that she does feel it. if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have asked.

throughout their friendship, there’s been moments where Dani picks up on their energy. they’re very subtle moments but you can see Dani catch herself (so quick you almost miss it) as she allows herself to feel the emotions she used to suppress, gradually lowering her walls and letting Gigi in.

Dani’s problem is emotional control and letting go of that control. Dani filtered herself to keep from hurting Sophie but she doesn’t do this with Gigi because Gigi has created an atmosphere where honesty and sharing is not only welcomed, it’s encouraged. so where Dani used to bottle up her emotions, she now expresses them. and where she used to lie to herself about her feelings…what does she do now?

now when she's feeling doubtful, instead of ignoring it, Dani faces it. instead of running (literally) away, she goes to Gigi, and they have almost the same interaction from the kitchen scene. Dani feels something between Gigi and herself but doesn’t yet trust herself to know for sure. in asking Gigi about Bette and Alice and Nat, Dani is repeating what she did before. she's collecting information, gauging the situation, and trying to figure out what is real.

"why have you been with everybody i know?"

"i mean, who are you?"

"can i trust you?"

at first, Gigi answers these questions, but then she cuts to the chase (as she’s known to do) and asks Dani what she wants.

Gigi told Dani how she feels so now...it's Dani's turn.

and finally, Dani breaks down her walls, confronts her self-doubt, and lets Gigi in by asking her, straight up, if their connection is real.

this is a question that Dani would have never asked Sophie or even herself in the past. as Dani said, she ignored it. she lied to herself. this time, however, things are different, and Dani is facing her doubts head on because Gigi has earned her trust.

furthermore, when Gigi asks Dani to come in, Gigi learns to slow down as Dani says, “not yet.”

for Dani, this open communication with Gigi of asking and affirming created a safe space for her to reconnect with her emotions. for Gigi, this soft friendship with Dani of baby steps and accountability helped Gigi find balance in a romantic relationship.

this is a relationship with a solid foundation of trust, understanding, friendship, and support. so when Dani asks Gigi if this is real, Dani believes Gigi when she affirms that it's very real:

“it’s what you’re feeling right now.”

thanks for coming to my tedtalk.