My Random Thoughts

Has anyone ever have those moments where you fell absolutely useless and a failure? That’s how I’m feeling right now.

I want to die but I don’t know how to go about it. This life is not worth living anymore. No one will care if I die. No one will miss me if I’m gone. So much pain. I have no one to talk to. This means that it’ll have to remain a secret.

So I did it again. I purged.

I have purged tonight and the last two nights. God! I hate myself.

Been fiddling with the idea of killing myself. There is no use for me on this earth anymore. No one will disagree with me. I’m not smart. Not pretty. Not anything special. There is no need for me to live any longer. The main way I’ve been thinking of killing myself is by gun. I’m completely worthless. No one will care if I’m gone.

Been fiddling with the idea of killing myself. There is no use for me on this earth anymore. No one will disagree with me. I’m not smart. Not pretty. Not anything special. There is no need for me to live any longer. The main way I’ve been thinking of killing myself is by gun. I’m completely worthless. No one will care if I’m gone.

I did it again. I purged then about an hour later, I ate a bagel with cream cheese. Disgusting. Disgusted. Issues. Eating disorder. Need help. Relieve. Ashamed. Pitiful. Hopeless. Wasteful.

News Alert! I purged again last night. What is wrong with me? I was looking at ED therapists and it seems like I’ll have to pay out of pocket if I want to get help. More than likely, I’m an undiagnosed bulimic.

So I purged twice today back to back. Literally disgusting and disgusted. I need help.

I really want to kill myself and no one knows how much I don’t want to live anymore. The struggle I feel everyday to fight the urge to stay alive is very real. I can’t be honest and open about it because no one will understand. I hate myself. No longer have the will to live.

Purged again.

I purged the other evening and my suicidal thoughts showed up for another visit. Deep down, I don’t know if I can keep going. Maybe I’m better off dead for the sake of everybody.

Once again, I find myself purging late at night. Yea! 🙄 I wish I have a normal relationship with food. What is seriously wrong with me that I have to purge? Deep down, I know I have an eating disorder but have not been properly diagnosed yet.