dreams on standby

why my dad chose to lie to me about a completely innocuous thing is beyond me. frankly, it's a little scary. which, I suppose, is why I'm trying to sort through my feelings by writing about it on my Tumblr. winning.

those readers (just kidding! I don't have readers!) who've met my father know he's a bit of a character. he has no filter and will tell you what he really feels -- which in this day and age is a somewhat admirable trait. except when the person he's telling something to doesn't realize he's actually sorta paying you a compliment (or even if he isn't, he's trying to find something "nice" to say and, I guess?, is making an effort) and they wind up reminding the guy's daughter (me) about said comment for months after the fact ... also continually likening the guy to their own ancient and way-way-more-rude-and-actually-elderly parent but that's besides the point and this sentence needs a period.

today, my dad wanted to take his car in for service to our local body shop, as evidently "someone backed into his car in a parking lot and didn't leave a note." this could be another lie, for all I know. so I had to go and get him from the body shop, leaving his car there. I remembered that my mom wanted him to get the hatchback of the car looked at; it doesn't stay up and is heavy enough that if/when it falls on your head, you're very unhappy. this has happened to all 3 of us. anyway.

so on the way back home, I innocently say to him, "So you also asked him to look at the hatchback, right?" he says, " ...[longish pause]... Yeah. I tried to show it to him but it actually stayed up. It's been staying up for weeks. But he said he'd take a look and see if anything needs to be tightened in there. And that he'd replace it if it needed to be."

we stop at Starbucks to get coffee, natch, then come back home. about an hour later, the body shop calls to tell him the car is ready. I'm upstairs but I can hear him on the phone. "Oh great," he says. "There's one other thing, actually -- would you take a look at the hatchback before we come pick up the car? It hasn't been staying up and keeps knocking me in the head, and we can't figure out why."

seriously?

I know this is just about the DUMBEST thing to be upset about. it's not that this particular incident is bothering me. it's that I'm worried it's a symptom of what my father is going to be like in his twilight years. that's not to say I think he has Alzheimer's or dementia ... he knows what his car keys do, he can drive to Pacific Palisades and back all by h'self, and he can remember things he did (and sometimes even ATE) back in 1967.

I honestly think he's CHOOSING to lie about things. my mom went with him to a doctor's appointment this week, and he told the doctor he rarely smokes and has 2 glasses of wine a week. the man smokes a pack a day and has been having at least 5 glasses of wine a week (sometimes more). I think he's lying because over the years, he's somehow morphed into a 15-year-old kid who doesn't want to get in trouble for anything. and as we all know, 15-year-old kids get in trouble a lot. this scares me for if and when something really serious happens. y'know?

anyway, look -- here's the thing. I'm actually not looking for advice or even sympathy. I feel like I just needed to vent a bit about it. I'm in a unique situation where I'm older than a lot of dirt and still live at home -- so I'm privy to more parental stuff than a lot of people my age. I'm just so scared of never having my own life. like I'll have to be here forever, helping my mom with my dad -- should a real need arise, god forbid.

so remember how a coupla years ago, you used to have this lovely housekeeper who came to clean every few weeks and you were already kinda embarrassed that you were living at home but it was okay cuz at least you were working and you knew you'd move out soon, and then the household decided to spend money on other things for a while so the housekeeper stopped coming for a few years, and then just recently the household decided to spend the money again because oy the bathrooms are a little gross not to mention the two parental units are getting up in years and yo I'm not your maid you should put away your own damn shoes DAD, so then you call that former housekeeper to come back and clean so the house is nice for the new year, and you realize that in the time in which said housekeeper hasn't come to clean you've moved out of the house AND THEN BACK INTO IT and you don't have a job and she probably thinks you're still 22 like she thought last time even though you weren't 22 back then and you're sure as hell not 22 now although sometimes you feel like you are but I'm digressing, so yeah ...

remember that?

...

...

well, for a few more days anyway.

hello! it's me! I still exist! if only able to check Tumblr occasionally. at this point, I doubt that anyone reads this blog anymore -- especially if my Google Analytics whatsit is any indication -- but I'll valiantly put finger to keyboard anyway. because I might as well. it's practically the end of the day here at the fort and I'm needing something to do.

howdy, y'all!

and by "y'all," I mean the very, very slim amount of human eyeballs that lay sight on this Tumblr.

I apologize profusely for my lack of posting. I started a temp gig a few days after my last post, and I've also been cast in another show. so writing up a blog entrée has been unfortunately low on my priority list.

yes, I know it's been 2 weeks since my last post. I've been busy.

there is much to report (and I will do so as quickly as possible) -- but first, this:

after years and years and years of complaining about our substandard microwave (that I'm not kidding you, takes TRIPLE the amount of time to cook food than any other microwave I've ever used including old decrepit ones in office kitchens), a big truck will shortly be bringing NOT ONLY a new microwave to our homestead ... but also a new fridge, a new stove, and a new dishwasher.

it's like Christmas in May, y'all.

seriously, I'm really excited about this, and it's not even "my" kitchen (per se). my parents have been wanting to replace the appliances for so long ... and thanks to the ridiculously amazing generosity of my dearly departed grandma, that dream has become a reality. it's actually quite apropos, since my grandma's big thing was cooking mass quantities of food for her relatives on a daily basis. what better way to honor her memory than to cook on appliances she helped us acquire. big ups, Situ.

you guys. YOU GUYS. I honestly do not understand why it's been so hard to find a job this time 'round. this is legitimately the longest I've been without employment in a very long time.

yes, true, there are things I can do to try and bring the employment to me -- I signed up with that freelance writer/editor network and (as I've mentioned before) I can now pay for a full membership on those voiceover websites -- but that's not what I'm talking about in this instance ...

just a quick post, considering I have to be at rehearsal an hour earlier than usual and I've got errands to run ...

so the day started off shitastic, as I found out that yet another health insurance company has rejected my application. I shouldn't be as surprised as I am, but I still maintain that I can't figure how my relatively minor health concerns make me such a bad candidate for insurance. yet, they do. it could even be because I -- *gasp!* -- take birth control pills. I mean, seriously?

but as the 1st company that rejected me still hasn't sent a letter to explain why, I won't know the real reason(s) 'til then. and then the 2nd company is supposed to send me a similar letter. I ain't holding my breath. but what all this really means is that I'm going to have to apply for Extremely Fucking Expensive© HIPPA coverage to tide me over 'til I either get a job with benefits ... or make enough money on my own to turn that "Extremely Fucking Expensive©" label into just "Expensive." hey, could happen.

however, after that morning bullshit, I got some good news.

this is the longest stretch I've gone without posting since I promised I'd "post every day" -- so welcome to my failure, y'all.

okay, failure's a strong word. it's not like I'm getting paid for this.

... unless someone wants to pay me to blog for them. I'd be into that.

anyway.

so what have I been up to in the week+ since my last post? funny you should ask.

I've spent the better part of the morning taking tests that make me feel like that lovely university diploma on my wall would be better suited as a coffee table coaster.

not really ... but that sounded funny in my head.

as I'm attempting to try my hand at online freelancing, I'm also taking a bunch of "Qualification Tests" that might allow me to bid for higher-paying jobs and/or be sought after by the clients themselves.

also, they are exhausting.

also, they sometimes make you frustrated.

also, you secretly enjoy the frustration. *wink*

we begin rehearsals with our lovely Equity folk tonight, which is great considering a few people have had to dance with and/or speak to invisible actors for the last 2 weeks. I'm excited that we'll all be together from here on out!

and the frustration hasn't been anything akin to past rehearsal oddities, so I ain't complaining. it's mostly me getting frustrated at myself for, say, not getting a dance move quick enough. I like everyone very much, and I look forward to spending the majority of the evening laughing.

that's a blessing or a curse, depending on when you ask me. it's Sunday, after all, the traditional "Day of Rest," but I've had Sunday rehearsals for the last few shows I've done ... and ones for the current show I'm rehearsing won't start for another couple weeks. at least it means I won't show up bedraggled next Sunday for the annual awards banquet my "home" theatre does every year. I may even get my hair blown out for the occasion, like all the kool kidz do these days.

actually, I'm quite happy.

... and that's because I've finally started rehearsals for the next show I'm in.

I'm still not sure what the director thinks of me -- he legit looked at me and exclaimed "You're weird!" last night in front of the whole cast but let's face it I am AND the reason he said this was because I'd made a callback to an earlier joke our music director had made which evidently the director didn't hear so it made no sense to him but the M.D. totally got it so THANK GOD -- but he's a hoot, as is everyone working on the show, and I'm already being a wiseacre with a few other cast-members so it looks like fun timez ahead.

I was also called out for "bouncing" along to this one number we sing (actually, we stage whisper it, long story come see the show), and told that "This isn't the 'Wells Fargo Wagon'" -- theatre jokes are jokey! -- but I swear to you, it's only because I'm excited and having fun and not because I thought we were doing "Oklahoma!". I hope the director understands this. I yam what I yam!

hey, reader(s).

so it's been a rough coupla days. sorry I've been on radio silence.

over the weekend, I was on a somewhat intense but ultimately fruitless search for a part-time retail job. yeah, I know. I'll attempt to 'splain.

there's a long and involved story behind this -- but considering that I'm trying to skate a fine line of "let's post about my personal life!!! it's hilarious!!!" and "let's not air dirty laundry, shall we?," suffice it to say that I appeared to not be making much of an effort to find a source of income. I'm not sure I agree with this statement ... and neither would my ass after a 5-hour session of surfing the 'Net looking/applying for gigs. but, I get it, I do. so, to show good faith, I drove around town looking for part-time retail work. very, very few places are hiring. shocker.

due to Tumblr crapping out for a few hours last night, I couldn't post this like I'd wanted to. so, herewith, my Wednesday ramblings ... which will probs count as today's too, unless something spectacular happens. - ed.

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today, you guys. today was somethin' else.

I left the house sans breakfast so I could get my fasting blood drawn, so we can see if the new statin I'm on -- at a now-lower dose so I don't have raging, epic nightmares of being shot or stabbed. yep. -- is doing any work. I'll go back next week to hear the results. luckily I obtained caffeine before the rebound headache settled in.

as I'm driving to get on the freeway (going from Doctor's Office to Next Appointment), I'm waiting to turn right onto a street that prominently features as "No Right Turn On Red" sign. so, I don't turn. not one, but TWO cars get into the other turn lane to the left of me in order to TURN ON RED and get past me. the second car? the passenger rolls down the window and flips me off. but he doesn't do it with the standard middle finger raised righteously in the air -- my favorite. he made his feelings known with the charmingly quaint "raise middle finger, then insert middle finger into circle made by other hand in order to mimic actual sexual activity." so he doesn't just think I'm a terrible driver ... he thinks I won't understand the giant "Fuck you!" that a normal middle finger represents.

thanks.