The Long Way Around

In the past I measured my self in grades, numbers on scales, certificates, etc. Now I no longer need a unit of measurement to know I am valuable.

I mean, it probably goes without saying, but the Found Family trope is so popular because so very many people are so terribly, terribly lonely

I adore the friends I do have immensely but god it would be nice to have like five people living nearby who I could call on for help or to hang out at any given moment

Found family, or, the villager impulse

HERE ON THIS BLOG WE GIVE A FUCK!! APATHY FEEDS THE MACHINE! WE ARE ALL ABOUT LOVING AND CARING DEEPLY FOR HUMANITY HERE!

forgive yourself. forgive yourself for all the versions you couldn't become. forgive yourself for the wrong things you said. forgive yourself for not knowing any better at certain point of your life. for fucking things up so much that the grief still haunts you. forgive yourself for the darker and shadowed parts of you. you have to learn to integrate all parts of you, even the ones you desperately want to disown. it'll be alright.

I need this too

it took me a long time to learn this, but sometimes pushing yourself isn't the answer. sometimes it's good to tell yourself that it's not about whether you can do it or not, and that it's about whether this is what you want to do or what will benefit you right now and feel better later. we don't always have the choice to accommodate for ourselves, so when the option to is available, it is worth it. a lot.

i hope you know you're enough, right now and just the way things are. you might not agree, but this is not an opinion but a fact. and i hope you realize that you are enough for others, for your dreams and ambitions and most importantly of course, for yourself.

Punishing yourself for the mistakes you’ve made along the way doesn’t help you. Learning from them and doing better does. You are allowed to forgive yourself, and move on. 

I was thinking yesterday about the broken relationship I have with my sister - How I wish we could be closer, but for our own wellbeing it's better that we aren't. I have a lot of regret for the way I treated her when we were younger because I see how it built up in her and turned into something ugly. But I cant change the past. i know this toxic, fractured relationship had its roots in our childhood, but only got worse as adults. I have to remind myself constantly that I have to accept what it is and let go of what could've been.

some glo ups aint covered in make up and dipped in coconut oil. some are cold and wet in a strange way. some glo ups force you to throw away parts of yourself that no longer fit - no matter how long you’ve had them they. must. go. some glo ups leave you lonelier - wiser - but isolated. some glo ups are private.

I think more than anything else, I want to live my life is such a way that I feel fully human...more than I want to be rich or successful or even happy, I want to be fully, wholly human. That's me living authentically.