you can’t take loved away

griddlehark was invented to violently beat me to death and whatever Camilla and Palamedes have was invented to additionaly kick me in the head when i'm already down and bleeding👍

Oh so when your mom puts a little bit of her heart in every meal that's fine, but when I, Harrowhark the First,

Camilla and Palamedes making notes every time Nona mentioned boobs because it might've been be a sign she's Gideon is so funny to me because if i remember correctly Gideon never mentioned boobs aloud in gtn so either they just clocked her so well or it was painfully obvious at what she was looking at, even with sunglasses

When a mommy hates a daddy very much, mommy will conspire with daddy’s coworkers to discreetly steal his genetic material during a night of passion between daddy and his two coworkers who hate each other almost as much as they hate daddy, so that mommy can use daddy’s genetic material to create a living bomb that she will detonate to breach a locked tomb that only opens for daddy or a close blood relative, like a living bomb made out of one half of daddy’s stolen dna, that contains the death of daddy and his evil empire, and sometimes mommy will fail because one person in her ill advised polyclue, who is actually two people in one body but only one of them knows this and who are both daddy’s coworkers but not the ones who stole his dna, will push mommy with her living bomb out of an airlock during which she will die and fall down onto a decrepit planet that guards the locked tomb with her still alive and undetonated bomb. And that’s how babies are made!

hello everyone. my name is harrowhark nonagesimus welcome to my meal. i have never cooked before but god asked me to try because he wants us all to eat & exist in union <3 of course i will oblige him because i harrowhark nonagesimus am the most devout worshipper of the locked tomb and the king undying. first up on the menu is soup. i hate flavours so i didn’t put any salt or anything. but don’t worry i put something better :) haha you guessed it! i sectioned my tibia and put it in the soup :) yeah :) so i can explode people :)

guy who doesnt understand how lesbian relationships work: so which one of you died by self-inflicted fencepost impalement and which one of you lobotomized yourself to try and bring her back?

Something I love about Gideon the Ninth that I haven't seen talked about yet is how well Tamsyn Muir manages to describe basic concepts like "night" and "salad" as though experiencing them for the first time through the eyes of a chimpanzee.