shan't.

The Tomb I will serve till the end of my days, and then see me buried in two hundred graves…

I’m Not Just The Hot, Young, Conniving Ice Queen Who’s Going To Marry Your Dad And Ship You Brats Off To Boarding School — I Also Have Hemorrhoids

I’m Sick Of The Patriarchy Telling Me To Downplay My Accomplishments, Such As Getting Away With The Murder Of Natalee Holloway

Feminist Icon? Terrible Mom Ensures Daughter’s Future Therapy Sessions Will All Pass the Bechdel Test

Aww! Woman’s Parents Fled Hardships Of Communism Just So She Could Experience Hardships Of Capitalism

Couple’s Venmo Transaction History Paints Pretty Vivid Picture of Whose Idea It Was To Open Their Relationship

Bitch Who Had TWO American Girl Dolls Wants To Lecture You About Class Consciousness Now

Report: Gaslighting And Lying Just Kind Of The Same Thing, According To Lauren

5 Guys To Date In Your 20s Even Though They’re Not Gerri From Succession

Quiz: Is This Emotional Labor Or Just Listening To Your Friend Talk About Her Problems For Once?

Wow! Friend’s Entire Poly Relationship Drama Could Be Solved With Chore Chart

I Hope This Email Finds You Before The Owner Of This Remote Island Does, Because He’s Hunting You For Sport

5 Fights To Have With Your Boyfriend That Are Just The ‘Whitecaps’ Episode Of The Sopranos 

I Online Stalked My Ex’s New Girlfriend And Get This: She Used To Be Mormon???

Weird Quirks You Didn’t Know Were ADHD Symptoms That Are Just Having Enormous Bazonkers And A Dump Truck Ass

Goals! Woman’s Entire Understanding Of Stock Market Comes From Neopets

Haley Posting A Whole Lot About God’s Grace For Someone Who Gave You A ‘Backup Invitation’ To Her Pool Party In Sixth Grade

6 Movies To Watch Even Though Kathryn Hahn Isn’t Even In Any Of Them, So What The Fuck

Quiz: Is This A Serious Feminist Issue Or A Personal Problem You’ve Projected On Your Parasocial Relationship With An A-List Celebrity?

How To Settle Down With Jeff Even Though You Lack The Sizzling Chemistry Of Robert De Niro And Al Pacino In ‘Heat’

4 Theories About Kim On ‘Better Call Saul’ That Will Make Your Coworkers Say “Yeah, I’ve Been Meaning To Check That Show Out”

Report: Emily Identifying As Empath Now, Which, Not To Be Rude, But Emily?!

Quiz: Is That Movie A Feminist Masterpiece, Or Does It Just Have A Woman In It?

Inspiring! Jenna’s Handshake So Fucking Firm, No One Can Tell She Grew Up Without A Father

How To Pretend You Never Hated Anne Hathaway Now That Everyone Likes Her Again

Activism Win! Kevin’s Intersectional Feminism Definitely Not Just An Excuse To Call This One White Women A Cunt

All 5 Women On Bumble BFF Still Looking For The Abbi To Their Ilana, So Good Luck

4 Things Your History Teacher Definitely Told You That You Didn’t Retain Because You Were Writing Horny Draco/Harry Fanfic In Your Notebook 

‘There’s No Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism’ Says Woman About To Blow $77 On Polyester Tops From Fashion Nova

Fuck! Tamogatchi Definitely Dead By Now

Quotes From Gone Girl’s ‘Cool Girl’ Monologue To Take Out Of Context When Some Bitch Rubs You The Wrong Way

4 Inspiring Female Politicians To Call ‘Neoliberal Shills’ As Soon As You’re Totally Clear On What That Means

Huh! 100% of Lindsey’s Sexual Fantasies Attributable To The Alan Cumming Character In ‘Spy Kids’

Aww! Teacher Lonely Enough To Consider Confiding In Neurotic Third Grader Whose Parents Are Also Going Through Tough Divorce

Woman Who Just Mainlined 500-Comment Meltdown In Facebook Group Thinks ‘Gifted Kid Burnout’ Is The Reason She Hasn’t Read A Book In Years

Does She Believe In An Antisemitic Conspiracy Theory About A Sex Trafficking Ring Of Satan-Worshiping Elites, Or Is She Just Kinda Quirky?!

31-Year-Old Woman Who Claims You ‘Can Pry Her Skinny Jeans From Her Cold, Dead Hands’ Claps Back At Gen Z By Becoming Lobbyist For Fossil Fuel Industry