Adrian Shephard did nothing wrong

took a minute, but

imagine you're Barney Calhoun, 33 years old, a little to the left of sober, and you're trying to show off to this 12 year old. there's a beehive in the safe house and it needs to go because ol' Kleiner is allergic to bees and quite frankly, death by honey insect is NOT the way to go after surviving black mesa.

but you don't speak the new local language well enough to ask how to safely get rid of hives. or ask anything, really. but you've got some big sticks, alcohol, and the attention of a 12 year old who would like nothing better than to watch her uncle play baseball.

and well, Eli's saying something about proper bug removal, but does he see the big stick? no? well, too bad. you give Alyx a thumbs up and just fucking swing at it.

it smashes apart. into a million pieces and a thousand bugs. your name is Barney Calhoun and you're hitting new speed records trying to escape the ire of European bees because you are, unequivocally, dumb as shit.

request: “Vort waifu is showing Barney how to cook headcrabs”