The Kobold’s Lair

the specialist: this author has a favorite kink or trope and has written 80% of the content in that tag. you know exactly what you’re getting. they have A Brand™️. no matter what other traits they display, dedicated rare pair authors belong here.

the chocolate box: essentially the exact opposite. this author will try anything once. they have 80+ works in the fandom with no discernible pattern. the shortest one is 268 words and the longest is well over 100k. this breed of author may or may not be related to:

the renaissance fan: they’ve written three things in your fandom: your favorite fic, your notp, and a bizarre crossover with a show you’ve never heard of. you hit “expand fandoms list” on their author page and have to scroll down twice to reach the bottom. whenever you curse the fact that you can’t legally commission fic writers, this is the author you’re thinking about.

the horn dog: they’re here for one thing and one thing only. if someone’s dick is not in another character’s mouth within 500 words, they apologize for it in the author’s notes. they have one (1) g-rated fic.

the rookie: this writer is usually young, new to fandom, or just got a beta-reader for the first time. their fics are a little all over the place, quality-wise, but you’re excited whenever their name pops up because their unique voice gets stronger every time. you feel a personal investment in their development, like you’re an old man reading the local high school sports page and saying “this kid’s the one to watch.”

the live streamer: the most prolific author in the fandom. their works are all over the front page when you sort by kudos. you have no idea how they generate this much work, and have seriously wondered if they have access to an extra-dimensional time portal. their stories are usually un-beta’d and the characterization varies wildly, but their best works are inspired and you’ve read them 30 times.

the cryptid: this one comes out of nowhere every two years, drops the best fanfic you’ve ever read, and disappears. fifteen months after you left a three paragraph comment about how they changed your life, you get a message in your inbox that just says “thanks.”

the novelist: we talk about “filing off the serial numbers” when someone reworks their most popular story to pitch it as an original novel; this author somehow does the reverse. their fics are excellent, usually long-reaching multi-chapter AUs that have almost nothing to do with the on-screen characters except their names. i’d like to extend my personal thanks to this breed of author because it’s the closest i get to reading an actual book.

the reunion tour: this author wrote some of the most popular works in the fandom, but either moved on to k-pop or burned out when canon took a turn for the worse. they put out one new thing a year, often an old draft that’s been haunting them from under the floorboards. their last six author’s notes all say they never thought they’d write this pairing again and “this will probably be the last time.”

It’s fine. This is a readily comprehensible human illogic. Exactly the kind of thing he expected from moving to Earth.

And he decides he’s honored by it, in a humanly illogical way.

The humans are asking him to do what is after all his job, and specifically requesting him for the joy his name brings them on top of an already agreeable and satisfying task. He has no objection to engendering positive emotions in others. Harm hastens the heat-death of the universe, Surak teaches, so happiness must logically slow it down. 

Plus, Vulcans of his generation love puns. There were two decades of punning competitions in colleges across the planet. So when he realizes that he is a walking zero-effort pun, and that the humans also love the pun, he is all for it. He is the Joe Cool of the entire Vulcan population in his city. 

And via this pun, the humans are including him in a cherished and traditional myth, by casting him as the literal bringer of life and the expander of families. 

For real though working together with some human social workers, a Vulcan would be an excellent caretaker for children in an adoption center.

Child has a meltdown? Imagine Stork, perfectly calm and unbothered, approaching the kid and saying “You appear quite upset, Eliza. If you would please allow me to relocate you to the ‘bean-bag-chair,’ we can discuss the source of your distress.”

A Vulcan educated in medicine and child psychology would be endlessly patient with a kid with behavioral issues. Stork wouldn’t get or upset or frustrated. After all, these are children with medical and psychological conditions. It would be illogical to blame the child or to not treat them with the appropriate care.

Even if the a little one was having a bad day or was just overtired, Stork wouldn’t get angry. He might even be a calming presence. Any new kids acting out would learn real quick that they’d have better luck trying to arm-wrestle a Klingon than get a rise out of Stork.

Not only that, Vulcans live much longer than humans. Imagine Stork looking virtually unchanged as decades pass. Kids he’d helped years ago would turn up fully grown, maybe there to adopt their own kids, and run into Stork, looking almost exactly as they remember him.

Heed The Stork

There’s Always A Chance and

Not Logical by MarlinSpirkHall (hi)

What Stork Brings by AfterIWake @mousedetective

One (1) Daily Shoulder Pat by Android_And_Ale @android-and-ale

Carolina Milanesi, an independent technology analyst, said Google is trying to make its cash cow business — search — richer and more personalized, and it will make shopping easier. But there is a risk that users may have fewer choices about what to click. "Right now it's: I ask a question, I get a bunch of answers and I feel that I'm in control as to which answer I take, or if I'm looking for something, which product I'm going to end up buying. That is going to be less so going forward," she said. Milanesi envisions AI-enabled search and agents proposing products to consumers — perhaps even those they have requested — but with less clarity or choice around where it's coming from. "If you're going to say: 'I want a pair of Jordans, go find them,' you're not necessarily sure what steps have been taken and whether the AI has used a source or a store that was paid for and therefore came up in the search results," she said, "or if AI actually went and did their due diligence and picked the best for me as a customer."

And here's one from Time magazine (May 20, 2026):

While Google already has “AI Mode,” the company will now power the whole search bar through its new Gemini 3.5 Flash model.  Instead of the classic list of blue links, Google Search will now also generate a custom page with an AI-generated summary of what you’re searching about, which will then trigger a conversation with AI Mode on the main page, allowing users to ask follow-up questions—similar to the kind of layout you would see when opening ChatGPT.

And a little more from Time's article on how this may affect the websites that we are trying to search for:

Idk self destruction feels amazing up until it catches someone unexpected in the blast range. But then again Chloe might be so far into self hatred/death wish/take all you fuckers with me mode that she might not care and just fling herself at Hawkmoth consequences be damned

Person on screen: needs a couple pats of butter, a splash of olive oil, simmered on low with a bay leaf and a cinnamon stick. What?! You never seen a boy who knows his way around the kitchen? 

Yeah my mom always wanted a little girl but she got stuck with me instead. That wasn’t gonna stop her though so all my friends were opening up nerf guns and bmx bikes on their birthday, I was getting crockpots. 

(scene changes to the person dressed in a nice black suit jacket, bright pink dress shirt, and black tie) Yeah laugh it up! Take a picture while you’re at it 'cause this is the last time you’ll ever see me in a suit! How do boys wear these things??

But it’s also genuinely genius. Playing with cliches and established tropes like this is what makes things stand out. And sure this is parody and satire but it still works. Knowing how to utilize them or break them is half of creative work.

I could honestly see this tweaked slightly in either direction of either comedy or straight laced and be used in a film or for a character.

But again using a trope in and of itself is not a bad thing if done correctly.

Like. Okay example that’s not insultingly sexist

Audrey Rocio Ramirez from Atlantis: the Lost Empire. Is the chief mechanic for the expedition and is genuinely a great character the entire time. And she is basically a “girl who knows cars” trope character.

She is playfully violent. “Two for flinching.”

She’s stubborn. Was trying to cut through the chains until the last possible second.

Has an older sister who is in the running for Mid-weight Boxing Champion

She is the Heart of the Group. She is the first one who goes to stand by Milo. Which causes the rest of our ensemble cast to do so as well.

And this is the most important part to me, she Looks like an Engineer. In big blue overalls with thick working gloves and a newsboy hat. You believe she’d get into an engine, get covered in oil and grease, and swear up a storm because a gauge is broken or pipe is leaking in these big machines before she actually goes and does exactly that in the movie.

She is a character with motivations and allowed to be more than just girl who happens to know cars.

And it serves the point of the character in the movie because the writers wanted a diverse set of characters from different backgrounds and reasoning to be on the adventure to showcase how Milo isn’t much as much of a weirdo or loser as he thinks he is in the beginning of the movie and that he belongs there just as much as they do.

Vs an example that is blatantly sexist.

What’s her name from the Transformer movie.

I had to go look it up - Mikaela Banes.

Who is primarily there to be sex appeal.

Has one scene where she “fixes” Bumblebee but not really because he is a magic tech car who causes and fixes the problem himself. But is primarily used in that car commercial way where she stretches over the car and our main POV character leers at her.

I think she hot wires a truck to slam into a Decepticon? And that is the extent her “mechanic knowledge” is used as far as I remember.

And she has such important narrative weight that she is immediately replaced in the second or third movie by another actress and I and several others didn’t even notice.

But the writers wanted a girl for the audience and Sam to ogle at and that’s all she’s allowed to be.

Hey, y’all remember in P1 when GLaDOS’ Morality Core fell off and then she laughed and said “good news” and her whole tone of voice just switched and it was super chilling and a little gay and it absolutely fucking reverberated down your spine?