Cue the lightbulb

“Chat Noir,” Ladybug cries, “I’m sorry. I can’t take this any longer.”

“Take what, My Lady?” he asks in concern.

“Chat, I…” she gulps, sniffling. “I need you t-to detransf-form, I swear– I’ll do it too, I just–”

“Settle down, My Lady, of course. I didn’t think you’d want to so soon–”

“Shut up and kiss me, silly cat,” she sobs, and as she is enveloped in his warm and familiar embrace, their lips touch as their suits are shed. They do not open their eyes to peek.

Eyes still closed, Marinette sobs into Adrien’s shoulder. “I’ve j-just had the most awful Christmas,” she whispers, tears dripping down her flushed face. “I’m glad I got you back, though.”

“Me too, Buginette,” he replies calmly, stroking her back. “I’m right here.”

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

Human: “Honestly we can tolerate anywhere from -40 to 50 Celcius, but we prefer the 0 to 30 range.”

Alien: “……. I’m sorry, did you just list temperatures below freezing?”

Human: “Yeah, but most of us prefer to throw on scarves or jackets at those temperatures it can be a bit nippy.” 

Other human: “Nah mate, I knew this guy in college who refused to wear anything past his knees and elbows until it was -20 at least.”

Human: “Heh. Yeah everybody knows someone like that.”

Alien: “……. And did you also say 50 Celcius? As in, half way to boiling?”

Human: “Eugh. Yes. It sucks, we sweat everywhere, and god help you if you touch a seatbelt buckle, but yes.” 

“Yup, with blizzards you cant see through every other day just about.”

“Amazing! when did you manage to send drones that could survive such temperatures?”

“… well, actually…”

“… what?”

“…we kinda……. sent……….. people…..”

“…”

“…”

“…what?”

“we sent-”

“no yeah I heard you I just- what? You sent… HUMANS… to a place one hundred degrees below freezing?”

“y-yeah”

“and they didn’t… die?”

“Well the first few did”

“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE?”

aka The History of Russia

aka Arctic Exploration

‘Yep.  Pompeii is legendary.  Entire cities went. Towns buried under lava, peoples’ brains boiled in the first rush of heat, loads more killed by falling pumice.’

‘ah, good, they learned their lesson and didn’t build there again.’

‘…well…’

‘Are you seriously telling me this volcano is legendary for killing several urban conurbations and you built on top of it AGAIN?’

‘In our defence it hasn’t actually done it since.’ 

‘What about earthquake-prone areas? Tell me you’re at least vaguely sensible about those.’

“Oh thems just Tornados. We’re use to that.”

“Sorry, come again?”

“Tornados. They hit major areas on Earth every year too. Tear apart entire towns and cities.”

“After one hits you relocate?”

“No, we rebuild.”

“In the same area?”

“Yeah, try to make it a bit stronger and more storm shelters, oh and more sirens but yeah we rebuild the city.”

“Over a hundred kilometers per hour cyclone winds and you just… rebuild?”

“Yep. We also have people that chase them.”

“…chase?”

“Get in custom made vehicles and chase down the Tornados.”

“…for fun?”

“In part, also scientific data but yeah mostly fun.”

“So no one’s died from this?”

“Oh no plenty of people died. Hell we lost a truck last season, four people killed.”

“Your species is insane.”