Doll that writes

~~ of inadequacy and trying its best ~~ "Why does it not work for longer?" said the child, doll in their hand. They inserted the key and turned and turned forcefully. Doll tried its best. It always did for them. But its spring was lasting only so much, and the brisker it had to move, the more rapidly it was depleted. Again, the key set the delicate clockwork in motion, with even more force, and something changed inside. For a short moment, it was almost a relief. But soon, with horror, the doll realized it lasted even shorter. "The stupid thing doesn't even work anymore!" said the child and threw the doll among the litter.

The doll was eventually recovered and refurbished. It was quite a celebrity in a short video of its restoration. Sitting in stillness with a price tag on, it quickly changed its owner again.

She took up its new key, as the original one was lost, and turned it carefully, once, twice, thrice, and stopped just before it was unpleasant.

~~ in which we find broken things taking care of broken beings and other way around ~~

At first (not technically first, because there were events preceding this), the room was empty, only a lone doll was in it, furniture taken away, the inhabitant lying on the ground when its joints needed to rest. Its past witch named it Blue, after the elaborate patterns on its porcelain hands. The dear witch was now buried in the cemetery of Avian Lane 52, sector 5, row 4, grave number 23, Ywess Thornton. Blue made sure her grave was orderly and pretty.

Blue went to see this errand, fresh flowers in its hand. It would kneel at the grave for the next day or two, depending on the weather. It wouldn't want to further deteriorate before proper scrapping as part of Miss's legacy. It was clearly defective, it was turning off randomly, and no one wanted to claim it. After three months of that, or when losing permanent residence, it would be signed for decommissioning by Act 4295 paragraph 541. It was okay, turning stray wasn't something Blue was capable of.

It was approaching the graveyard when it noticed a woman blocking the small side entrance it usually used to enter. It waited for a bit. Autumn wind was rustling the leaves around.

"Please, if Miss could only be so kind…"

The woman's eyes looked upon the doll and were so barren. Is it another doll, perhaps?

~~ where doll finally understands ~~

When its witch made it her favorite, it felt so fulfilled. It could be with Miss for a whole day, accompany her, listen to her secrets, and be held by her lovingly. The Purpose sang in its hollow colorfully.

It was like that until Miss chose another doll, and this one was left on the shelf with the other dolls… For days, weeks, months… waiting for Miss to call it.

Miss still sometimes looked at it. It was a reminder of the Purpose, but where it sang beautifully before, now it stabbed the hollow inside like a needle wanting to go out.

stab stab stab

This particular doll heard that some other dolls grew a witch heart inside them, but it never understood why one would do such a thing, or how.

stab stab stab

It sat in stillness… Through the day, through the night.

stab stab stab

Almost like … Miss's heartbeat.

It moved its hand to hold the hand of the doll next to her and turned its head to it, smiling strangely. The other doll did not understand the act.

A simple paperback diary lies on an old shelf, sandwiched between The Lord of The Rings trilogy and the first Hyperion book.

15.3.1992 A thought came to me today: What if I embrace the emptiness instead trying to fill it?

2.4.1992 Finally, after searching obscure tomes in dusty antiquarian bookstores, I found it! The old book describes techniques of meditations and procedures of "becoming", which promises something like "stillness". I've never heard of these before, in any of the occult books I've read. I tried asking around, but everyone is as clueless as I am.

20.5.1992 I managed to calm my mind to the point that there is no inner monologue. It's fascinating how I can still think, just without the constant chatter. This also makes meditating and other practices in the book so much easier.

25.5.1992 My mind's access to memories has changed, I see them now as pure facts. The progress is faster than I expected!

30.5.1992 The meditation practices have also accustomed me to sitting motionless for long periods of time. Is this the Stillness the book speaks of? It's very comfortable to be in it, I could sit like that for hours, just staring blankly and enjoying the sweet nothingness.

5.9.1992 Not only did my mind change, but my body as well. I've stopped needing to eat, but I crave tea a lot more. Skin is transforming into something else, though I don't know what yet. It's hardening and has this… porcelain quality? I also have this longing inside me, a yearning for some purpose. I need to find someone …

~~ in which we explore how to trick your extremely humble doll into picking up clothing for itself ~~

~~ part of the Apple's story, can be read alone, first part here ~~

People rushed left and right, front and forward, and it all made Ywess a bit dizzy. The shopping center was incredibly busy for a witch's senses attuned to more delicate things. She told her doll to lead her to a clothing shop.

Apple led the way and she followed it. People were captivated by the doll, staring at it. When she was repairing Apple, Ywess tried to paint Apple's face herself, but she wasn't sure if she did a great job. Makeup also wasn't her strong suit. She gave Apple black shades to hide its eyes, but it still emanated an unnatural presence and drew attention. Ywess wasn't convinced that the shades actually helped. Maybe she should consult with other witches who have dolls, but first, she had to find them.

A blow to her shoulder interrupted her ruminations. Someone was staring at Apple a bit too much and didn't notice the small witch trailing behind it. Apple stopped immediately when it happened.

"I'm very sorry, Miss, are you all right?" asked the doll. "Yes, it's not your fault, I'm okay, nothing happened. Here," said the witch and took hold of Apple's arm, smiling at it, clinging closer. Apple didn't seem to mind.

"Please, continue…"

People were staring even more now, but she felt safe and comforted. She could get used to this.

Finally, they arrived at the shop.

"Now what would Apple like to wear?" Ywess asked her doll. "I don't know, Miss. Anything will be sufficient." "Of course you'd answer like that… In that case, we need to try a few things."

Her idea was to make her doll try multiple things. She took a few items and walked to the fitting rooms.

"Now, try these out."

Apple did, though some dresses were difficult to put on because of how its joints worked.

"If you had to pick only one of these, which would it be?" Apple pointed at one dress, it was fairly simple, but complemented the color of its wood nicely. "If these weren't here, which would you pick then?" A hesitation, then it picked a skirt and blouse set. "Very nice, again, if these weren't here, which would be the outfit for you?" "Miss…" muttered the doll, to Ywess's surprise. But it picked another dress.

Ywess took all three outfits and brought them to the counter. "We'll take all of these, please!" she said with a beaming smile, proud of herself. Apple was silent.

When they were going home, it said suddenly: "Miss." "Yes, Apple?" "Thank you, Miss." "You're so very welcome," said the witch and smiled at it. "Will it… need to return Miss's clothes?" Ywess suddenly stopped mid-step. "This one is very sorry, Miss! It will, of course, return the clothing!" "No, no, Apple doesn't need to, don't worry. You can keep them if you like." "Thank you again, Miss."

~~ previous part here ~~

~~ about things Apple learned in the new, strange house ~~

The human sized doll dressed in a hoodie and leggings was standing in its usual corner, motionless.

It had belonged to this house for a few weeks, if it included also the days when it was repaired. In that time, it tried to learn the rules of this place.

One of the very first things it noticed was a cat residing here. Apple often watched her sleep curled by the window. If a creature this small and seemingly powerless could survive here unharmed, with fur so nice and sparkly, it meant that this was probably a safe enough place. This conclusion hadn't fully reached its core yet. Maybe it only appeared that there was no danger, so it still kept its guard up.

There were also other dangers to be aware of. Yesterday, they went to a nearby shop for some groceries together. The witch is smaller than Apple and it felt that it was there also for her protection. Not like she knew how to fight, as she wasn't a combat doll after all, but at least she could use her disposable body to block the way of danger.

The witch also kept having tea with it. Sometimes she let Apple make the tea, and sometimes the witch made it. Was this some sort of test? "At least you don't stand in that corner all the time," the witch told Apple once, when they were going to have tea. Apple was internally torn, unable to make sense of the turmoil of feelings about having tea together with its witch yet. Not to mention the idea of not standing in the corner when miss doesn't need it. But Apple was an obedient doll and it fulfilled its witch's wishes, nothing more and nothing less.

The most important thing it learned was that the witch's name was Ywess.

Ywess…

"Apple, we'll be going to the shopping center now. We'll buy you your own clothes!" said the witch, interrupting Apple's thoughts.

"Yes, miss," it said.

"New clothes? But why? The ones it is wearing now are sufficient," it wanted to speak. "These are miss's clothes, though," she wanted to add, "it is wrong for this one to wear them." "This one will miss them…" said almost silent thought somewhere in the back.

Apple didn't say any of these things, and instead, it prepared everything needed for the trip.

~~ Where a witch adopts a doll ~~

I came across it on an evening stroll. The town was already calm in the darkness, snow was falling silently.

A draped figure, standing under a lamp, looking at the light. I wanted to approach the same isolated lamp, to watch the snow falling in the lamplight. Now someone was there, disturbing the solace. Yet, the figure didn't feel like another human.

So I approached.

It was a doll, lost one, without a purpose, without a witch, without anything but the drapery it had. It didn't even look at me. I never had a doll of my own, never thought about having one. What I did next was on a fey whim.

I asked it to go with me. It listened and followed me to my door. Then it stepped inside. I felt strange in my stomach at that moment. One of the moments when you realize your life is changing. It should be just a doll, I tried to calm myself.

At first, I thought I would have a servant. Someone to help me keep the place clean and maybe fetch groceries and this or that. I repaired it and imbued it with my magic. Four weeks of work, consultations, buying various components, and charging crystals. It had a wooden body and… marks, damage that was clearly intentional. What things it must have gone through? Its wood was expensive, from the dark color and sturdiness, I thought it might be apple tree wood. For now, I gave it my own clothes, which fitted well enough.

When everything was done, I looked at it. I gave it a name because it wasn't speaking with me. 

"Apple, vacuum the house, please," I said.

And it did, perfectly. Then came to stand beside me, still.

"Sit down in the kitchen, Apple."

It sat there while I made tea. It looked at me, and I noticed it looked like it wanted to say something but stayed silent. I served tea for both of us. It looked very surprised.

"Dolls like tea, no? I made for that one also. To feel welcome here."

I just made it feel conflicted, I think, but Apple drank the tea.

"Thank you, miss," Apple said.

"You're welcome."