Dr. N. Dustrielle

I am Dr. Nathan Dustrielle

(No, I have no idea why Dr. Cortex only hires men with names he can make silly puns with)

I slaved away for 5 years to get a PhD in chemistry, all for a lemon-yellow man to keep calling me a "minion."

Things I am:

Human

Male

Chemist

“Short King”

Originally and unabashedly a NorthEast Coaster

Perpetually tired

Angry at those wretched bandicoots

Usually at odds with my colleagues in some form. They’d say the same thing

Things I am not:

A physicist (Common misconception)

A magician (Cortex doesn't seem to have a clue about what is or isn't possible for us to accomplish)

A lab assistant (Do I look like one of those wiry nerds?)

The team's getaway driver (N. Gin got very sad when Cortex tried to delegate that role of his to me)

An artist (As much as I’d love to capture the daily chaos in the form of drawings, I simply do not have the skill to do so. I paid a very talented artist to give that depiction of myself in the profile)

Straight (The idea of it...scary)

An unabashed self-insert of the author, who desperately needs a form of escapism, and does so by combining his love of a very lovely video game series with his penchant for puns and fondness for antagonists

What I Do Here

I intend to create a record of what occurs in the castle or with my coworkers.

This record is not intended to be a review of my place of employment, but merely a log of the events as they occur. I intend to use this for reference in my data analysis, as a place to record the goings on and plans that have been suboptimal, as well as to...well...vent.

I understand there are former colleagues who have left of their own accord, or been fired, as well as some sort of "fan base" for Dr. Cortex's efforts. Truly, I don't understand why, as these plans work actively against your interests. Nevertheless, I am happy to answer questions these people have, provided they're not anything that would compromise the security any of our schemes...at least too much.

Feel free to check out the chronicle of larger events I’ve encountered, including my “backstory”: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39157119?view_full_work=true

I am asking you for a bit of quick advice. I may or may not have bitten the doctor's thylacine after he grabbed onto my snake tail (don't ask), and he may or may not be laying on the ground giggling currently because of my paralytic venom. How do I hide him from the doctor?

Sincerest thanks, Nora Zine (@ask-n-zine)

Very smart of you to insure plausible deniability in your question, I must say.

Really, the answer question depends on exactly which doctor you wish to hide him from

I assume, of course, you mean Cortex. In that case, what you do is find a distraction. Whether that’s getting those bandicoots to attack the castle or asking Cortex for advice or merely complimenting him, he’s rather easy to throw off course for a few hours. Be aware that if you do either of the latter options, you may need to suffer through a few hours of one sided bragging on his part

If you’re trying to hide this from N Gin, you go to his lab and sabotage something in a way that will be non permanent, but requiring his immediate and devoted attention. This can be anything from unscrewing pieces from his Doom Mechs to scattering his notes to stealing the snacks from one of his drafting tables

If you’re trying to hide it from Brio, I hear he accepts bribes. Something I have never once offered to him, no sirree

-Et-Her

Take it up with Cortex, I don’t make the rules. Frankly, if I had it my way, literally no one would be allowed in the castle that didn’t already work there.

…besides Doordash delivery drivers

…or particularly good looking men

Apparently Cortex is compiling a list of individuals “hereby banned from Cortex Castle” and that any violations of the decree shall “henceforth immediately result in execution” or whatnot

Amongst the names on the list are Aku Aku, any and all bandicoots, any of the Quantum Masks, any member of Cortex’s family besides Nina, “that guy who sold him a Cadillac without an engine” and Nicolas Cage

Thank you thank you! ☺️

You take the last step down the stairs and make a slight misstep, and your ankle is twisted and your knee won’t feel right for a few days

You sleep in an awkward position, and your neck is on fire until lunch at least

That is such a high compliment, thank you so very much ☺️

I know it’s been a while since the last update. It’ll be coming along soon, I promise (life busy yada yada)

He is the reason your dealers’ prices are high. Stand against the man!

It’s strange. I never thought we’d ever have a shared interest. Well, it’s more than an interest. Both of us have had passionate rants about it, we each have an encyclopedic knowledge of it, and we are devoted in the time we spend on it.

It did however come from Emperor Velo.

Now I’m not into the guy, nor do I think I’m exactly the marrying type…but…well…

How much do y’all think he makes?