It's half-past eight in the evening when you finally drag yourself out of your couch, groggy and head aching from too much crying. It's almost like you're in a daze and walking through a short pocket of time where reality ceases to exist. And you're okay with that, with not existing.

Useless, your brain reminds you, useless.

And just on cue, your phone pings with a notification.

You let out a tired sigh, decide to ignore it in favour of grabbing the tv remote to switch through netflix in hopes that it might distract you from the empty pit caving through your heart.

You're so tired. So fed up with everything. So fed up of life. Do you have to continue living?

And if so, what for? What exactly are you living for?

Another ping sounds from your phone. And another. And another.

You curse under your breath, searching up one of the anime shows you've put on hold and blatantly avoiding the device atop the coffee table like it's a ticking time bomb. You wonder briefly whether you've been poring the social media a little too much, since all you feel is inadequacy, uselessness.

Useless. That darned word.

Your phone rings.

Jumping in shock, you can't help but cry out, "oh for fuck's sake!" As the sound pierces through the air, a jagged knife to your ears that makes your heart jump to your throat.

You swoop in, thumb at the ready to reject the call when your eyes register the name flashing onto the screen.

Bang Chan.

Slowly, your thumb moves to the green button, and press down.

"Hello?" You mutter.

You're really not in the mood. But for Chan, you guess that you have to make an exception.

"Hey," he sounds outside, the distant noise of cars and wind echoing through the receiver, "milk tea with or without the sugar?"

You blink, registering his words. Then, you mumble out, "I'm...I'm good."

A pause. Before he asks, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"No, tell me."

Maybe it's the gentleness in his voice, the tender way he coaxes it out of you. But you find you can't hold your tears in any longer.

You burst into sobs.

"Give me five--no, ten minutes," Chan says, "ten minutes and I'll be there."

True to his word, there's a knock on your door a moment later and as you open it with the reluctance of allowing yout best friend into your head once more, your eyes can't hrlp but sting at the sight of Chan's face.

"Hey," he steps in, takes off his shoes as you close the door. He lifts a grocery bag up, "I bought boba."

You nod and turn, striding towards the couch as he follows in your wake in silence. You flop down onto the couch and watch as Chan sets the drinks atop the table, its weight dipping as he takes a seat beside you.

"Want to talk about it?"

His gentle tone is a warm blanket amidst the cold silence of your apartment. You don't dare look at him as you answer, "I'm...I'm not sure."

He shifts so that his body faces you, and the warmth seeping from his chest to yours has you unconsciously snuggling closer.

"Tell me," he says, pushing a strand of hair out of your face.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," your murmur echoes throughout the room, knees coming up to your chest as if to protect you, "everything seems so tiring. And nothing is going right. It's like-- everything I do is useless. I'm useless, and--and--"

It's the moment that your voice breaks that your tears finally leak through like a dam unleashed. Your body bends over and before you know it, you're sobbing into Chan's chest as his arms wind around you, pressing you close to him while his lips smooth over the crown of your head in comfort.

It takea you a while to calm down, until your unruly sobs are tamed to shell-shocked hiccups, until your heart isn't pounding galloping at hundred miles an hour, and until you can hear more of Chan's comforting murmurs in the shell of your ear rather than the obnoxious ringing and blood pulsing rushing through your head.

One of his hands lift up to smooth over the back of your head, "why didn't you tell me this sooner?" He murmurs.

"What could I have told you?" You sniffle into his sweater, "you're always so--so good. Always perfect at the things you're good at. I can't even pass a stupid practical exam even if I tried hard enough. And I've been trying--"

"Hey hey," he quickly interrupts, cupping your jaw to pull your face away enough for your eyes to meet his, "no negative self-talk. Remember what we said about that?"

"Easy for you to say when--"

"Y/N," his voice rings out in warning, firm, "I mean it."

So you press your lips shut in favour of burying your face once again into the depths of his neck. If there's one place where you truly feel at home, it would be with Chan.

"You need to stop being so hard on yourself," his hold tightens a little more, as if if he holds you long enough it might squeeze all that toxicity out of you, "can you please do that? If not for you, for me?"

"I--" there's a lump in your throat and you swallow thickly, "--I guess. I can try."

"Good."

A comforting silence slowly washes over the room as you allow yourself to breathe in Chan's scent; a mixture of pine and boy shower gel that somehow always manages to ease the tension from your body.

You're not exacrly sure when you fall asleep, only that the next thing you know once your eyes flutter open is that darkness greets you, the only indication that you haven't moved being Chan's soft breathing as you blink the tiredness away from your vision.

It's only when you try to move that you feel Chan's hand slipped around your waist, holding you in such a firm, protective grip it causes your cheeks to blossom with heat.

Oh. You hadn't been expecting that.

What to do? Your brain practically goes into full panic mode. What to do? Can you move? Will he let you move? What if he wakes up? What then?

"Y/N."

You jump, startled when your name slips from Chan's lips.

Shit. He's awake.

But the young man merely pulls you a little tighter against him, face nuzzling into the depths of your neck like a drowsy pup. He mumbles some more, and your heart squeezes in adoration.

Even Chan gets tired sometimes.

And you're the one who takes his kindness for granted.

"Y/N...don't understand..." he continues on through a half-slur, so abstract that you have to pay attention to understand half of what he's saying, "...hate...you like...this..."

Your heart can't help but melt into Chan goo. Out of impulse maybe, your hand lifts to comb gently through his dark locks and he all but sighs in bliss against your touch, "...mhmm...I...I...love..."

Freezing, you blink at his silhouette aligned in the dark. Wait for him to continue with baited breath.

"...I...Y/N..." turning his face to the side, he continues on, "...love...Iloveyou..."

Did he just--

Your brain must be playing tricks on you.

There is no way in hell that Chan would tell you--

"I...love you..."

He's asleep. He's dreaming. At least, that's what's going through your head as panic seizes up in your chest and suddenly, the room feels a little too small to your liking, the warmth of Chan's arms a little too stuffy to be comfortable. You feel your entire body burning up with heat and out of shock quickly pull away from Chan's arms, not realizing that doing so only causes him to stir.

"Y/N?" His groggy mumble is definitely conscious this time. He straightens, until you try to shift further out of his lap only to fall back against him, hips aagainst his.

His body stiffens. You can feel him. All of him.

Your entire face flushes and you're glad it's dark, for you would've clearly combustes into flames by now.

"You good?" Comes his raspy murmur.

You nod, not knowing what to say in such circumstances when you've literally heard such words fall from his mouth.

Are you supposed to make as though you haven't heard a thing? Do you act like everything is fine?

"I'll just--uhm, I'll just move away--" you're already clambering out of his lap with conviction this time, until a firm grip on your middle makes you halt.

"Stay?"

He sounds so tentative that your heart can't help but flutter in your chest.

"I--" your words tangle up in your mouth, "why?"

"...please?"

You can't say no, not when his entire body is making you tremble, and definitely not when his voice seems to drop an octave that just makes your entire stomach to flip upside down.

So you settle back down, moving to the side so that you can pillow your head onto his chest. His arm wraps around your waist comfortably, chin brushing your forehead while his other hand starts playing with the edge of your t-shirt as if that simple action calms him down.

"How are you feeling?" He asks softly.

You look up at his silhouette, or what you can make out in the slither of moonlight cascading through the window, "much better, I think."

"Good," his hand moves up to trace soft circles along your arm out of habit. Then after a moment, he asks, "do you want to move to the bed?"

"No. It's actually pretty comfy here. Unless...you want to move?"

"No no," his grip tightens, "I'm good here. It's great, and...yeah."

Silence. Chan's heart beating against your ear. It's supposed to be relaxing, soothing. But it just causes another flood of questions eating at your mind.

And before you can stop yourself, you blurt out:

"I heard you talking in your sleep."

You deserve a good slap for that one. What the fuck is wrong with you?

"Huh?" Chan laughs, "me?"

"Yeah--don't laugh! It's true," you lift your head up in protest, eyes narrowed at what you hope is the outline of his face, "you were talking in your sleep, I swear."

"Oh? And what was I talking about?"

"Me."

You don't have to see his face to know he's raising an eyebrow at you, "very funny, Y/N."

"I swear on my heart I'm not lying."

You practically hear his entire throat bob, "it was probably because I was worried."

"You said you liked me."

The silence that follows is even more deafening than the last that you swear you can hear a pin drop on the other side of the room.

Chan's heart is a loud drum thrumming underneath your fingertips splayed out on his chest. But he does not say anything, maybe out of shock, maybe out of pure surprise.

"Actually...you said you loved me, more specifically," you continue on babbling, your mouth suddenly taking on a life of its own despite your brain short-circuiting with panic at the multitudes of wrong that this conversation is going through, "but that's-- I mean, you probably mistook my name for that cute girl you went on a date with a few weeks ago, We're definitely not that kind of stupid cliche story where best friends fall in love with each other just because we can right? And it would be stupid of me to think that maybe you do like me in that way, right? right?"

Still, he doesn't answer. So you quickly scramble to find a way out of this whole shit show.

"Anyway it was just you mumbling, maybe I heard wrong too, you know how had my ears are, and plus--"

"Hey Y/N," he finally cuts you off, "chill."

That's when you realize you hadn't been breathing all this time, and slowly take in a shaky inhale. Then, exhale. Deeply.

Chan's hands, suddenly no more around your waist but rather gripping your hips. He hoists you up so that you straddle his lap as he follows, straightening and leaning against the back of the couch. You can't see his face, you can't see any of him apart from the shapes and shadows formed by the slither of moonlight and that makes you even more anxious.

You really wish you can slap yourself across the face for the things that have just spilled from your mouth. You must be one of the greatest idiots in history to divulge such sacred information so easily to the one person that could literally destroy your relationship right here right now--

"Ow," a small flick of fingers on your forehead causes you to yelp in pain, hands flying up to the said sore spot, "what the heck was that for?"

"I told you to chill, didn't I?"

"I was."

"Of course you weren't. You're Y/N. You were probably mentally kicking yourself for not keeping your mouth shut."

He's right. But he doesn't have to know that. You look away, eyes finding safety in the dark depths of Chan's t-shirt. At least you can't feel the searing heat of his gaze from there.

"You know me too well," you finally mutter out like a sullen child.

He chuckles, "I do."

And then, without warning, you feel his palm cupping your jaw before he turns your face to his. Gently, as if you're made out of porcelain, he leans in until his nose brushes yours, until his breaths wash against your face and makes you feel like squirming in place.

It's as if you have to find something to say, only to come up with: "this feels weird."

A pause. Before he says, "it does."

Before you know it, his mouth is on yours. Kissing you.

A small gasp dies at the back of your throat as his lips presses ever so slightly against yours. A small peck. One. Two. And then, a third one that lasts a little longer. One that makes you sigh once he pulls back with a shaky breath.

Your hands slip up to tangle into his shirt before you pull him in and kiss him once more, mouths slowly slanting against each other as they carve their way into a sensual dance that has your insides tingling all the way down to your feet.

You've always known that Chan would be a good kisser to whoever he would find in his life. But his hand cupping your jaw more insistently while his other arm laces around your waist to pin your body to his makes your suppositions disappear altogether because the real thing is so goddamn amazing that nothing can compare.

You wonder whether he feels as overwhelmed as you are, but from the sigh that escapes his lips the moment you part for breath, you'd say that he's liking it a lot more than expected, and the thought of it causes another surge of warmth through your chest.

"Still weird?" He breathes out as your noses brush.

You bite down onto your lip, "good weird?"

"Good weird," he agrees.

And you're back to kissing him like you've waited your entire life for this. And he kisses back like this is the best thing that's ever happened to him.

If it's a dream then surely you never want to wake up from this blissful slumber where everything in this tiny pocket of time makes sense. All your worries have vanished in thin air, leaving you with the scent of Chan's deodorant and the comfort of his arms.

Later, as you lay snuggled and still on the couch while watching the first morning light filter through the curtain, you can't help but tilt your head up to catch his profile now glowing in hues of amber.

He catches you staring, the corner of his lips curving upwards, "what?"

You mirror his smile, "thank you for coming to me."

His smile widens into a grin, "always."

That makes your heart pound, blood rushing to your face so that you have to bury it in his chest to stop the embarrassment from spreading further.

♡──YEONJUN:

yeonjunnie!! yeonjun is gonna be such a fucking amazing boyfriend, holy fuck. like he's so sweet and flirty but he's also a literal demon like sir pls calm down. yeonjun loves kissing you and he's damn good at it too so like, no complaints to be found. he tilts your chin up so you're looking at him and then immediately after kisses you. a strong passionate kiss that absolutely takes your breathe away. and while he won't kiss you this passionately and intensely in front of the boys, he'll still kiss you for at least 5 seconds when around the boys. he loves you, and he doesn't care what they have to say. hugs with yeonjun are so great. he loves backhugging you, especially early in the mornings. if you get up before him and he wakes up to you gone, he'll get out and hunt for you, and when he finds you, well, good luck, cuz he's backhugging you and not letting go. if he's topless, well, thats the demon side i mentioned earlier. he's honestly whipped for you and will 9 times out of 10 try to turn these early morning backhugs into cuddling sessions. yeonjun loves cuddling you. any excuse to get his arms around you! he loves it when you lay on him, he just adoresss how warm you are and he loves having the pressure of you on top of him, it makes him feel safe and grounded. it's totally the cutest. dates with yeonjun are the best. he loves taking you to fancy restaurants. something about seeing you all dolled up and pretty for him? wow, gets his heartbeat racing! but he also loves when you're the complete opposite of that. lazy day clothes, no care for looking presentable at all, and just sprawled across the coach watching movies and laughing and joking all night. its perfect, he loves your duality. with texting, yeonjunnie loves sending you cringy and cheesy messages cuz he knows you'll cringe but also if he tries to say them irl, he'll cringe too lol. he just really loves making you laugh and he'll constantly send you these cringy messages when you're talking to one of the other txt members and he's in the room with you. it's so funny to him. yeonjun, oh my fucking god, the nicknames he uses. yes he'd use "baby" and "babe" but then he turns around and says "my baby" or "my babe" or even "my (y/n)". its him being slightly possessive (not in a toxic way!) and god he loves saying it whilst right next to you, cuz the shivers going down your spine are funny to him. the boys love you cuz you're just the perfect match for yeonjun in their eyes, you keep him sane and loved and they appreciate that you stop him from flirting and being all jokingly weird with them lol. it's so great !

♡──SOOBIN:

soobunny!! soobin is gonna be such a whipped cutesy flirty lil bunny of a boyfriend. he's literally so in love with you that he's got the title of second most whipped in txt (uh,,,,kai is first lol). kisses with soobin are gonna be the CUTEST, i just know it. he casually saunters over to you in all his tall asf glory and he just slumps down to be at whichever height you're at before pecking your lips and then giving you a kunik. (is it just a kunik or is it a kunik kiss?) he loves these kind of kisses cuz they're just so cute and calming to him. its real cute. its so bunny like of him too omfg. hugs with soobin are so warm and fun. he's so sweet and whenever he gets to hug you, he will gladly take the opportunity. he'll wander over and just hug you, his hands going under your shirt slightly to stroke the skin of your back or, if he back hugs you, he'll do the same thing but to your stomach. it's totally cute. it's just a way of him showing he loves you, like it's such a subtle cute thing. god i want a soobinnie hug so bad :'(. cuddling with soobin is so warm and fun too. it's sorta just like an extended hug from him. he'll pull you onto his lap or up against him and he'll wrap his lanky fucking arms around you and just peck your cheek or neck or shoulder blade before you feel his hands sneak under the hem of your shirt or just under the waistband of your pajama bottoms and he'll be content just stroking the skin there, especially when it's bedtime and he's trying to calm you down before sleep. it's so cute! dates with soobin are so fun. he's sorta like yeonjun, loving to take you on fancy-schmancy dates, but with a huge twist. you're both in fancy clothes, both all dolled up and pretty, but you're going to a huge field or park or somewhere similar to have a picnic full of all your favourite takeaways and snacks and drinks and its so cute and so silly when people see you two and start giggling and gossiping about your get up. it's so adorable bruh. texting with soobinnie is the chillest thing ever. lots of cute memes but also he'd send you random candid pics he took of you. his favourite one is you sat on his desk chair playing games with the members of txt in just his shirt and your underwear and it's his homescreen cuz his lockscreen is a tad too likely to be visible for him to be comfortable with it lol. it's totally cute. nicknames with soobin are adorable. he'd call you kitty cuz you call him bunny but he'd also call you sweetheart and darling. it's so CUTE! the boys love you and soobin together cuz 1) its an excuse to tease their leader but also 2) because you keep the leader totally sane AND distracted allowing them to get away with bullshit lmfaoo. they also love how you join them for game nights and it's really fun cuz you, tae, kai and beom are just screaming and yeonjun and soobin are just laughing over it. it's adorable.

♡──BEOMGYU:

beomgyu, i adore you! beomgyu is gonna be such a playful teasy boyfriend. he's cute and shy one minute and literally making your heart palpitate the next like bruh chill. with kissing, beomgyu is all up in your space. he lovessss making out with you and, unless you express discomfort towards it, he will kiss you so passionately in front of the boys. the amount of times yeonjun has walked over and pulled you two apart in the middle of practice is too many. if you ignore yeonjun and go back to kissing, kai pours his water bottle over you and well, you don't want wet clothes now, do you? so yea, no shame whatsoever. hugging with beomgyu is super fun too, cuz, again, clingy boi. he'll pull you into his arms any second he can. ngl i'm just gonna combine hugging and cuddling into one category here cuz he will just do the same thing with slight moderation lol. he has his arms around you from behind and he just sways you. your entire body if he's standing up; just your torso if you're sitting/laying. he always litters your neck and the side of your face that's facing him with kisses, never letting you get a word in until you grab his face and plant a long, intense smooch on his lips. he'd stumble and stutter over his words after you pull away before shyly burying his face in your neck, finally allowing you to talk. he doesn't mean to cut you off but if he could not breathe, he'd be kissing you non-stop so take the breath whilst you got it lol. dates with gyu are super fun. he'd love gaming nights with takeaway and lots of other junk food and it's just such a fun chill time. he really adores you so any time spent with you is a victory in his mind. so buckle in bestie cuz if he gets wind you've got 3 hours free? its snuggle time baby! beomgyu is, surprisingly, not a spam texter. instead, he's a spam caller. he'll call you like 8 times in a row until he gets an answer from you. it's cuz he wants to talk to you and he hates texting you, he just wants to hear your pretty voice! it's like an automatic serotonin boost for him. if he's had a bad day, he does usually text to see if you're free beforehand cuz if he spams you, he'll soon realise and feel really bad about it. he's so sweet, sweeter than cotton candy! nicknames with beomgyu are also totally cute! he's a fricking puppy bro! and if you don't call him that, he won't call you "my baby". he loves calling you "my baby" or other similar things. mine mine mine mine mine. he looks at you and sees something labelled as his. it's actually really sweet, cuz he is kinda insecure so having you light up at him calling you his? its sweet therapy to him lol. the boys absolutely adore beomgyu and you together. you keep the hyperactive puppy quiet, leaving them free to deal with kai lmfaoo. altho, it is very annoying when they can't find him and then when they look into an empty practice room, they see you two snogging again. wow i went full british there. they still love you two together tho!

♡──TAEHYUN:

ahh, our lovely taehyunnie! taehyun is gonna be the most romantic boyfriend ever. i know beomgyu and soobin were said to be the most romantic but idk, i reckon tae's got summin up his sleeve! he's just so devoted to you and your happiness! but let's get into the details! kissing with taehyun? woo-wee, it's a damn good time! he loves kissing you and his kisses are slow and languid and just so fucking breathtaking that when he pulls away, your eyes are still closed cuz your still trynna take in the truly pure amount of love he just poured in the kiss. it's so cute to him and he will giggle at you face when this happens. every. single. time. hugging with taehyun is kinda rare, he doesn't seem that clingy compared to the other members (correct me if im wrong!) but he'll still hug you! he'll wrap his arm around your waist or shoulders and pull you into him, kissing you wherever he can reach before pulling away. it's totally cute and simple and so very taehyun-like imo. cuddling with him is something he really only likes doing when its time for bed. he'll love this so much, to the point where he struggles to sleep when he's not bundle up with you in his bed. he has to sleep with his arm around you and, if you need one to sleep, the arm is around your plushie too! he's so understanding and its so sweet. when you two end up away from each other after moving in your sleep, he will inevitably, and wholly unconsciously, end up snuggled up with you again. it's so fucking cute ! dates with tae are just the best. he loves romantic dinner dates but he also loves doing workouts with you (if you cant/dont workout for whatever reason, he totally understands!) he'll just love doing things with you. cooking with him happens quite often but he loves to shoo you away so he can finish the cooking himself and then serve you, all loving and pretty and fancy schmancy haha. he's totally the cutest bean ever! texting with taehyun is only really used as a lil update system. he'll always find at least five minutes to have a phone call or a video call with you, both of you quickly chatting about how yall's days went before he has to get back to work. he literally truly only uses texts as a way to send you cute things he wants to get you, or lil updates on work, etc. he's cute tho so don't complain! plus if you are a spammy texter? he's okay with that and responds to everything you send with a short simple message, always signed with a heart in your favourite colour. tae uses such cute nicknames! "my love", "lovely" and "sweetheart". its really fucking cute, oml he's so precious! the boys absolutely love you cuz taehyun and you are like a perfect fit. very similar in personality to him? that's okay, you keep each other happy with the simplicity and similarity. personality is the total opposite? that's okay, you bring him to a more hyper level and he helps calm you down. it's perfect and no joke, according to kai "total couple goals. like, total total." how cute!

♡──HUENING KAI: