Down in the mouth

I let you find it on your own

That I would never run

That they could shoot but that's not fun

'Cause then they're killing their stolen son

God, being this way sucks because I constantly get these thoughts about wanting to die and just the whole idea of wanting death but the thing is I know I won't ever do it. So really I'm trapped with all these suicidal thoughts which honestly mentally and physically hurt but i can't do much about it. It's like I know (and kinda hope) that i won't be able to kill myself but like I'm okay with the idea of something killing me instead and honestly these thoughts are emotionally draining for me and there are days where I legit can't get out of bed and I get this unbearing pain in my head which hurts like a motherfucker. I've been trying to improve, I really have, but this depression keeps pushing me back and me being me, I'm not stopping it.