as i pass through

but my heart feels eighty-three,

and twenty-one at the same time-

a paradox, it seems.

i’ll prance around the house and jive 

to mac demarco on repeat

so very happy to be alive

despite the woes that follow me.

it comes and goes in waves, they say

but as i age i can forsee

the gulls that swell and swallow whole

have nothing on the shine in me

the light in me, outweighs the dark

the fight in me, cannot be beat

for everyday, i choose the light

and to embody positivity.

i am so loved, i love so hard

i give with no need to receive

abundant blessings flow to me

for i am in line with my higher being.

blowing out the candles today

and for once, i must admit

there is not a single wish to wish.

there’s a world out there its calling my name

although sometimes it may linger

here comes my knight, shining, in armor,

washes my woes , calms my angers.

reassured am i, excited is he

for talks of our future together 

babies in the yard, flourishing land,

“we’ll face it no matter the weather” 

spoil me, spank me, tell me i’m yours

and in return you’ll quickly admire

how loving and giving and caring i am

i am infatuated with a man who doesn’t care if i live or die

my parked car was hit a week ago and their insurance still hasn’t accepted liability 

i decided to go sober for an entire month and it’s fucking hard, all i want to do is rip my bong and take the edge off

my bills are piling and i don’t have another gig til next week

i would drive for door dash for the time being but the gas prices are too insane to balance it out

a “friend” abused me and is still very much in my life unfortunately and it’s effecting other people 

if i take myself out of the equation i can’t help but think..... everyone would be happier 

i isolate when i am depressed

i people please which is actually manipulative apparently 

my lack of passion for school right now is alarming 

my relationship with food is so weird right now 

really wanting to self harm again. getting a tattoo last week felt so good but i cant pay 100 everytime i want to cut my flesh and release