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Honestly, grading essays sounds like one of those tasks where I'd be bargaining with myself too.

You just perfectly described my current psychological state. I am currently in a full-blown hostage negotiation with a candy bag, and the gummy worms are winning. I’m riding the wave of the sugar high right now, but the clock is seriously ticking. School ends in literally, like, two days, so there's no pushing this off to next week—if I hit the crash before I finish these essays, I'm going to be stuck here until midnight on the last day of school entering grades. Maybe later... I've been really bad with procrastination this week.

Look, sour gummy worms may not be my all time favorite candy, but they're definitely in at least the top ten, so how can I pass on an offer like that? Especially with a good friend, so it's good company. And since I don't teach a grade that gives papers, I have a decent amount of free time outside of school hours. What are the essays on?

A top-ten ranking is still high enough to justify a rescue mission. Get your keys and get over here, I'm begging you! But to answer your question, they're the final reflection essays for the semester—I had them analyze their own daily screen time data and map out a realistic digital detox plan for the summer. Thought it'd be fun and creative, instead I get 25 different essays about how they'd die with TikTok.

Oh yea I can read English, that's what my bachelor's degree is actual. It's also been quite a while since I've been in a healthy relationship though, so maybe these teens have some solid advice or something for me. Oh please, the library can be anything but peaceful sometimes. I work in the children's section, and sometimes these parents are so disrespectful and ridiculous! I'm happy to give you some toddler playtime though with my little social butterfly.

You’re basically qualified to handle both the grammar disasters and the psychological fallout of these papers. Though, trust me, if you’re looking to high schoolers for relationship insight, you're in trouble. Unless your ideal partner is someone who communicates exclusively via text, gets offended when you ask what they want for dinner, and calls everything 'toxic.' How ridiculous are we talking? Seriously though, parents are wild creatures. One of these days, we'll have to swap horror stories about entitled parents.

As long as you don't mind a 14 month old wandering around your classroom and trying to steal some of those gummy worms, I am happy to act as a distraction. I don't blame you for wanting to hold off grading those, they don't sound fun to read. If they were English essays, I would've happily helped you, but health is out of my area of experience.

Seriously, don't sell yourself short on the health front. If you can read English—which, working at a library I assume you can—you can handle these. I'm honestly just looking for full sentences that don't include the phrase 'you just feel it, you know?' But fine, if I can't trick you into grading duty, you can just sit there, eat the worms, and tell me how peaceful the town library is compared to this circus we call high school while I get some toddler play-time.

That is a very tempting offer indeed. Sour candy is always superior. How badly do you want to be distracted? I could make that whole bag disappears rather quickly. What essays do you have to grade?

The bar for distractions is literally so low right now. I would probably have more fun watching paint dry over reading reproductive health essays on 'healthy relationship boundaries,' which means I am currently reading twenty-five variations of teenagers using the word 'vibes' to explain emotional maturity. Please give me whatever gossip or functional adult vocabulary you have. I am begging you.

Since we're near the end of the year and don't have much left, I decided to do a Star Wars Week with my class — showing movies on the 4th, 5th, and the 6th. Episode IV: wonder and excitement Episode V: lightsaber duels at recess Episode VI: officially lost control of my classroom I started this just thinking it would be a fun, low-key thing for the end of the school year. Instead, I now have a room full of tiny Jedi, one very passionate Sith Lord, and at least six kids making “woosh woosh” noises at all times. I regret nothing.

That's actually kind of genius, even if I can already see the lightsaber duels turning into a full-blown tactical nightmare. Hey, at least they’re engaged, right? It’s way better than the end-of-year zombie stare where they just check out completely.

I’m not sure the "undying love" will count for much if your heart is beating at 200 BPM while you're just sitting on your couch. Is it actually decent coffee or is it just twenty pumps of syrup masquerading as a caffeine fix? Because one of those I can respect; the other belongs in a trash can.

Honestly, I don't know if I have any serious resolutions for this year. Last year was pretty damn amazing, so I suppose my only resolution is to make sure that my life keeps going the way it has been! We're off to a good start, at least. What about you?

Keeping the good streak alive. That’s cute. And also dangerously close to “survive another year” dressed up in nicer shoes, but I'll let it slide, Hummel. Mine’s the usual: shave a few seconds off my mile, add plates to the bar, and maybe stop saying “sure” when I mean “hell no.” Basic, brutal, effective. And honestly? That last one should be on everyone’s list. It’s okay to say no. Actually, it’s necessary. Half the injuries I see come from people who can’t say no to one more set, one more shift, one more favor. Boundaries aren’t optional equipment; they’re the warm-up.

Text || Dove & Stevie

It's that time again, Ashford Valley! As the man, the myth, the legend, the main host of 105 The Valley, I'm once again turning over control of the radio and the tunes to you fine citizens. So, that being said, sound off and let me know some of your favorite love songs so I can get a rotation going to play these next few weeks. Give me some good ones, people!

If you have to do love songs, at least make them bearable. I cannot listen to "All of Me" by John Legend this year, I am begging you. if you’re taking requests for the single crowd, just play "Flowers" by Miley Cyrus on loop.

My New Year's resolution was and still is... no New Year's resolutions. So far, I'm managing to stick to that one.

A resolution to not make resolutions—meta enough for me. But come on, you can't tell me you don’t secretly have a “maybe-I’ll-actually-do-something” one tucked away somewhere.

I don't see a point in them, honestly. Most of them require an amount of planning that people refuse to put in before they make them, which tends to end in them failing. I'm too practical to assign resolutions to each year.

Fair, fair. I get the “why bother” mentality—but what if it wasn’t a resolution, exactly? Like… a tiny experiment you run on yourself for a year. No pressure to succeed, just see what happens. Could be more fun than a plan anyway.

I can't say I really believe in the 'New Years Resolution' thing - most people tend to say something and then give up within a week or something. But I supposed if I had to say something, I supposed I'd say yes to things that feel good and stop apologizing for it. More joy, less overthinking. Letting myself be hopeful again — even when it feels a little scary.

Oh, look at you, all “more joy, less overthinking.” Someone’s trying to make the rest of us look bad. Just don’t come crying to me when you actually enjoy yourself too much—don’t say I didn’t warn you.