doux et triste

I quit my desk job in 2020 to start a career as a piano teacher. This eventually inspired me to go back to school to pursue a Bachelor of Music degree in Piano Performance. I currently have one semester remaining in my program until I graduate. I am also in the process of preparing my audition repertoire for graduate school, as I hope to be able to continue my education.

Here’s a photo of me (grumpy in a practice room):

Here’s a photo of me smiling (Creature of the Black Lagoon included):

I am a huge classical music and horror movie dork. I suppose that is what you’ll find here. I hope to give off the same energy as the piano puzzle from Silent Hill (1999):

I do have a piano-related Instagram account, but I no longer feel compelled to post there. I struggle to express myself authentically on my Instagram account because it’s connected to my school, my professors, my colleagues, etc. The account feels a little corporate and a little sterile for those reasons. Therefore, I would like for this Tumblr account to serve several purposes: a catalog of my performances, a practice diary, an outlet for music-related venting and ramblings, a place to highlight classical pieces I am currently listening to and enjoying, as well as a place for me to appreciate my own interests (un-sanitized).

I would also like this to be a place to connect with other musicians and classical music fans. Although, I’m not sure how likely that will be since Tumblr is a pretty dead platform. I made my first Tumblr account back in 2011 (during its heyday), and was an active user all throughout the 2010s, which is why this site stills exists in my consciousness. Remember when the internet used to be fun and less corporate? Well, anyway, even if I don’t reach anyone with what I post, that’s fine too. It’s a niche interest on a niche site.

Just finished The Houseguest by Amparo Dávila. The back of the book describes her as “the Mexican Edgar Allen Poe.” It’s a really solid collection of short horror stories and has gotten me back into reading more regularly.

One of my graduate school options (the University of Utah) had to close their LGBTQ+ student resource center. This closure coincides with the Utah state government enacting a law that prevents public schools from promoting diversity, equity, and inclusion.

I was actually born in Salt Lake City, Utah (where this school is located). And yes, if you’re wondering, I was raised Mormon. Growing up gay in a Mormon family (especially in the early 2000s) was not a fun time, as you might imagine.

I haven’t lived in Utah in a long time. My mom relocated when I was still a kid (after she remarried). My siblings and I would spend the school year with her, and the summers with my dad (in Utah). Once I became a teenager, and my own life got going, my trips to Utah became less frequent.

As I got older and denounced religion, I never had the impression that I would ever want to move back to Utah (which is, basically, the Mormon capital of the world). It’s a beautiful state, but the energy can feel oppressive due to the prominent LDS culture. However, as I’ve been exploring graduate school programs, the University of Utah seems like a good possible option.

Salt Lake City is progressive (especially in comparison to the rest of the state). The last time I was in Salt Lake (2021), I enjoyed myself. I have family in Utah as well, in case an emergency were to arise. I am also familiar with Salt Lake, whereas other schools I am interested in, they are in towns and states unknown to me.

I have even wondered if it might be healing in a way, to move back - at least for a couple of years while I’m in school. Or who knows, it might be miserable lol. But policies like this have put a sour taste in my mouth, and are making me question my decision on whether to apply or not. Granted, I currently live in another red-state hellscape anyway, so I’m used to the bullshit. It’s just a very strange time, generally speaking and also politically.

Practice Diary (6/23/24)