I'm a Doll

Text your little a lot more than you would if you weren’t long distance (helps mitigate the space between you two)

Plan FaceTime dates - both of you have meals, a movie you start at the same time, and cute remarks during.

Make sure you reassure your little. They will get insecure about you a lot more, just let them know that your heart belongs to them.

Send surprise gifts. Nothing shows you are thinking about your little like surprise flowers, stickers, or anything you can have delivered. Even a card for cash-strapped caregivers is amazing. It’s the thought more than anything.

Play video games together. My little and I play games like World of Warcraft together, so our interactions in game add to our relationship. Even solo games like the Sims, and just keep each other updated on your virtual lives together.

Try to always have a visit date planned in the future. Even if it’s far off, just having a set trip planned gives your little something to look forward to. It also makes your relationship stay on track without it floating in limbo.

Have set routines that reinforce your relationship. A good example of this is a bedtime routine, that you do every night just to let them know that you’re there in a consistent and real manner.

Call, don’t text. If your little is upset, call them. If your little is excited, call them. If your little needs help, call them. It’s easy to get lazy and just text, but it’s amazing the power of your voice has and how much your little needs it.

Don’t go missing for long periods of time. Littles will get worried very quickly, so just reassure them that you are safe. They need us, and can’t help but look out for us too. Make their job easy and let them know you are safe at all times.

We had all these plans and I was excited. Even got a new paddle to try out. He warmed me up slowly with hand spanks first. I started to cry but that was normal- at least I thought. Somehow they must have sounded different to him.

“Are you ok, baby?” he asked, rubbing my warm bottom with his big hand.

“O, O yes- um-sure. I love it all,” I gulped, and slithered to my knees so he could tie my hands behind me. 

“Alright, here comes the rope,” he said. I could feel it go around my wrists. Gentle but confining. At the first tug I burst into louder tears. Deep, racking sobs. Immediately he tossed the rope aside and pulled me into his arms.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” He held me to his chest as I sobbed and sobbed.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why this is happening. I really wanted to do all this and we waited and I love your spanks and I’m sorry and it’s allsobadandIcan’thelpit…” My words were muffled against his chest as he rocked me to and fro, stroking my hair. “It’s ok, baby,” he kept saying, soothingly, and gradually I calmed down.

We sat there for a few minutes while he talked with me.

“Can we start again, please?” I asked. He shook his head.

“No, baby, spanks is not what you need tonight. No fucking either. You need something else.” With that he led me to the bathroom and began running a shower. I was a little frantic. 

“But…you waited almost a week and I don’t want to disappoint you? I’m so sorry.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me.

“It’s not about that, baby. It’s about taking care of you. Now, get in the shower with me.” In there he took his time. Washing my hair, holding me, asking questions about work and school. After a bit it came spilling out- the overtime, my Dad was sick, I was worried about the midterm, couldn’t afford to go to my cousin’s wedding- small things that just built up over time. He listened and nodded through it all, even to drying my hair and putting jammies on me.

“You’ve just been dealing with too much, sweetie,” he said as we curled up under the sheets. “And it came barreling out all at once.”

“But usually spanks help that.” I was very confused.

“You’re right, they do. But not tonight. It’s ok. That’s my job to know that, to help you,” I looked at him with big eyes. “Now, I want you to roll over and just relax, feel me pet you.” Reluctantly I rolled to my side, still feeling guilty that we hadn’t played.

“I’m so sorry, Daddy,” I whispered into the air.

“There’s no sorry, baby girl. Just focus on my hand. Feel me touch you. Breathe.” I closed my eyes and tried to do as he said.

He stroked my hair away from my forehead so slowly, the best feeling. Then down to my neck and back up, again and again. Gently, tenderly. I could feel the stress melt away, the inner tears dissolve. His hands were light and warm, molding to my head, hovering over my ears. I could feel his solid chest behind me.

“Now say after me, very softly. Daddy loves me.”

Eyes still closed, I repeated in a whisper. “Daddy loves me.”

“Daddy will take care of me.”

“Daddy will take care of me.”

“That’s it, darling. Now just go to sleep. I have you.”

There’s a misnomer that aftercare is a “reward” for the sub after she has performed correctly, doing x y z in a scene. Although aftercare is definitely rewarding, it is not a carrot/stick type of situation. Life happens. People have feelings and emotions. Even if your sub isn’t in the mental space to do what you had originally planned, that is no reason to separate from her. In fact, that is more of a reason to be present and take care of her. Be a human being first, a Dom second.

Be our rock and our comfort. Remind us that tomorrow is another day. Assure us that needing care instead of a scene is perfectly okay. And that it doesn’t make us less worthy of you.

♡ angel

♡ babe

♡ baby

♡ baby boy

♡ baby girl

♡ bunny

♡ child

♡ cub

♡ cutie

♡ cuteness

♡ darling

♡ dear

♡ doll

♡ dove

♡ dreamy

♡ evangeline

♡ flower

♡ gumdrop

♡ honey

♡ kitten

♡ lamb

♡ little one

♡ love

♡ lovely

♡ muffin

♡ peach

♡ precious

♡ prince

♡ princess

♡ pumpkin

♡ puppy

♡ sweetie

♡ sweetheart

♡ sweet pea

First, what is an Empath? For me, it is picking up energy and cues from those around me. I absorb other’s energy. I don’t just understand how someone is feeling.. I experience those feelings myself. Because of this I have to be very careful who I am around and who I let into my Fruit Loop size circle. Some people believe it is about mysticism. For them it is almost spiritual. To each their own, it’s just not what I believe. Now, everyone has gut instincts, and some are more in tuned with it than others. For an empath, these are heightened feelings. They are very strong and sometimes overwhelming. It isn’t just a warning bell…. It’s a siren with flashing reds and blues. When I come across a toxic person for instance. I know generally within just a couple mins. My energy is almost immediately zapped, I am on edge, my stomach is in knots and all my defenses kick into overdrive. 

Typically with a great deal of reflection and analyzing, I can figure out what behavior exactly is giving me the feelings I am getting when talking to someone. Sometimes it’s subtle though. It’s that overwhelming gut intuition that something is either very right or very wrong about the person I’m talking to. In person, it might be body language, facial expressions, the way their eyes dart or gaze. It might be any number of mannerisms that tell me what I need to know. It isn’t just what they say. It’s how they say it. Tone of voice, inflections, specific language etc. Online can be trickier, but I still pick up an energy when I open a blog, email or message. When there is little to go on, I proceed very cautiously. Feeling the person out until I have more to go on. Though occasionally even a hello will set off warning bells for unknown reasons. I’ve learned to trust that, even if I can’t understand it. It’s never steered me wrong.  Many strong Dominants do this with logic and reasoning. They pay attention to all those things with purpose. The difference for an empath is, more often than not, we have no idea we’re doing this. (Dominants can be empaths too.. but I don’t have any experience there to draw on, so I can’t really say anything about that.) An empath who knows themselves well will understand this, listen to their body’s cues about a person and respond accordingly. I didn’t know I was an empath until I realized I was married to a narcissist. I had learned to distrust those intuitions. That was quite a journey. But I am in a better place, and I have discovered this superpower of mine. 

I was talking with a mutual last week and he mentioned that natural subs tend to have a type of Spidey sense when it comes to recognizing strong Doms. He was right. I can know pretty quickly if a Dom’s style is going to mesh well with my own. I know almost instantly if the person I am talking to is capable of controlling or Dominating me. It’s part of being an empathic sub. So our first advantage to this, (When we trust and are honed into our instincts) is the ability to recognize a Dom that has strong potential for us. Doesn’t mean every encounter will work out or be long lasting. But when we have a strong understanding of ourselves we’re far less likely to find ourselves in bad and damaging relationships.  It also serves us well in our service of others. Anticipating needs is something I thrive at. It isn’t always what your Dom may want though. So know your Dom and his expectations. However, you will find you are more keen than most at doing things for others before they ask, and sometimes before they even realize they have a need or want. Ever grab a drink for someone simply because  you were in the kitchen and the thought suddenly occurred that someone else was thirsty? In the service industry, this skill is invaluable to me. 

Drawbacks. Empaths tend to be very guarded .Even when they don’t know they are empaths. We’ve learned the hard way how emotionally exhausted we can get and we’ve had to learn to pull back, or risk needing to stay I bed for 5 days straight. We’ve been around energy vampires enough and have been in enough draining circumstances that we’re well aware of the potential fallout. So we don’t let many in our little Fruit Loop circles. Or we let them in the first 2 walls…. ignoring the 6 mile high walls behind those 2 with the alligator filled moats and the fire breathing dragon waiting to incinerate anyone who gets too close. (When the walls do finally come down… it will allow for an incredibly deep bond) We get overwhelmed easily. Because of this, we can have a tendency to burn out. Things will be intense and fun and be going great, then we hit our limit and we want to run. More often than not, we’re likely not even aware of some of the sabotaging stuff we may be doing in these cases. The way to combat this is communication. Thankfully, any good D/s relationship is going to thrive and have a strong foundation for communication. Rather than get stuck in your head when you’re overwhelmed…. you HAVE to talk about it. A good informed Dom will be able to work with you and come up with ways to manage these feelings. There are lots of self care tips aimed specifically at empaths. 

A non empath feels everything an empath does. Again, the difference is that for an empath it is heightened. I can only speak from my own experiences, and what I’ve read while doing research. I know for me (And what I’ve read of others) Orgasms are heightened. I enter what I can only describe as a type of subspace. At least according to what I’ve read of subspace. After having a few in a row, my head goes fuzzy, I can’t really talk, I don’t have any real control over my body. Sometimes I am overly aware of everything around me, in a type of sensory overload kind of way. Other times, it’s as though everything else just disappears. Empaths tend to be pretty intense when it comes to sex. But that means if you hit sub drop (I’ve only experienced this twice) it can feel devastating. The last time I experienced sub drop, it took well over a week to recover. It was almost a month before I really felt like myself. Part of the problem was both of these took place LD. I didn’t have anyone onsite, or even just in real life who was able to help me through it. I was also inexperienced enough to not really understand what was going on. I did not communicate it well as a result. 

Doms, please read up on empaths. Be familiar with their needs. Read the tips for how they can recharge and ask lots of questions about how they are feeling and how their body is responding. My suspicion is that a lot of subs are also empaths. You will love the benefits of this homework. Empathic subs, be honest. Talk. Put it all out there. If you’re Dom can’t handle it, and they aren’t willing to learn, that tells you what you need to know. But don’t stop doing what you need to because you’re worried it won’t be received well. They cannot be a good Dom if you won’t let them be a Dom, and that means giving them all the necessary information. (When it is right to do so, you don’t need to lay all this out in the first conversation, it is something that should be discussed when having those foundational discussions though)

So, a while back I decided to get sober. (Wait for it… it comes back around.) I went to the meetings and joined the clubs and all that… and, it worked. No more drinking. The best piece of advice I got?… 

“Stick with the old-timers. They got it figured out.”

A while before that I did a stint in prison. I was a kid. Just old enough to get drafted not old enough to get drunk. None of it seemed real. Did real time, though. Best advice I got?… “Stick with the old timers. They got it figured out.”

That piece of wisdom has served me well in my years as a contributing member of society. So, when MG @wolfpack-princesskitty and I first turned to Tumblr and a few other sites in search of any info or insights into our newly-confessed shared fantasies… one of my first thoughts was 

“Stick with the fucking old timers.” 

And, after several months of watching many blogs I had determined who those people were and I began to make connections. And I’m very thankful for the connections we have made, and for those who have agreed to mentor MG and me along the way. All providing a sobering and real life perspective on various aspects of a 24/7 D/s relationship; in our case, a marriage. So glad to be grounded here right now.

Because from where I stand 90% of the rest of the time this shit looks like Vegas, baby. Wooo!

 Welcome to D/s relationships for millennials.  

What it looks like: It looks like 50 Shades of Harry Potter and Sparkly goddamned Vampires is what it looks like… and it looks fucking awesome! Expensive suits and Bitches in black lingerie kneeling and crawling… the leashes and spankings and the gagging on cocks… timid, meek, all trusting subs and stoic, powerful, all knowing doms. Paradise for the slightly-to-moderately twisted peoples of a certain ilk… I mean, it can’t be that perfect in real life, but still… come on.

You can hate it all you like, but those books and movies are the extent of John Q. Public’s grasp on your chosen lifestyle, and at worst, it has turned out to be a great ‘evangelical tool’ as it were…

But someone has to sort out the abusers and the narcissists and the standard model douche bags from the good guys with good intentions. Somebody has to inject truth and reason and wisdom into the conversation. Someone has to show us where the ground ends and the clouds begin so we can self-moderate. Because…

What it is:

It’s hard work, dedication, devotion, integrity, grit, determination, kindness in the hardest of times… honesty, communication… Just like any functioning relationship, really…

It looks like 50 Shades of Harry Potter and Sparkly goddamned Vampires is what it looks like… and it looks fucking awesome!

It’s boundaries and security and exploring sexual interests together… it’s a little bit of doubt (Ok, maybe a lot of doubt at times), a little bit of fear, enough love to carry two sometimes three, four, five souls forward into a new real life, where everything is a decision… a choice… even for those who make no choices. A life in which lust is a limitless hunger… an insatiable wolf… and your hunger is so focused you want to entirely destroy and devour this pretty little thing wearing your collar…

Sometimes it’s body issues, and insecurities about cock size, and irrational conversations into the early morning hours… often, the stronger of the two quietly trying to decide just how much truth the other person can actually handle… sometimes it’s greatly overestimating that amount of truth…

Sometimes it’s a spark of hope… and sometimes it’s a last resort…

Sometimes it’s ropes and cuffs and collars and bruises… and sometimes it’s blankets and snacks and kisses and cuddles…

It’s an empowerment achieved in a point of singularity where both the powerful and powerless are each perfectly balanced one with the other… mutually satisfied. A feeling like no other.

 For some of us, it’s what we’ve come seeking… for some of us it’s just who we are…

For every idiot ‘Tubmlr Daddy’, there’s a good man with a great dom inside, watching you blast the new generation from the comfort of your well-earned status, and doubting himself… afraid that he’s not a real dominant. Too afraid his ask will get him ridiculed. I know because that was me before I finally manned up and reached out. 

So, a shout out to those blogs and bloggers that have informed us, included us, inspired us…

@instructor144, @thetriskeliondiaries, @dinodaddy, @verse50, @theruleset, @submissive-seeking, @the-faculty, @i-could-be-the-walrus, @amysubmits, @itsshinycollectordestinyworld, @sincardinality, @quietlyconscious, @techiejedi, @tooprettytolive, @theropegeek, @crusoesampersand, @maddigans, @westcoastgentleman, @yessiraustralia-again

and a ton more I’m leaving out… For those of you who know who the hell we are, and those who don’t… For those who are personally investing their time into our success… for those who don’t even realize how real an impact you have… 

I’m not sucking up (maybe a little)… I’m not posturing…

Headpats & soothing backrubs

“Such a Good little one”

Feeding us our favorite snack

Peekaboo !!

Making our Stuffies talk

Popping our paci into our mouths

Tucking us in for bed

Lullabies and bedtime storys

Knowing what we like to be called ..example- baby bear or sweetheart

Giving us our sippy or feeding us our bottle

Knowing our favorite Stuffies names

Rubbing lotion on us

Giving us bubble baths

“Who’s my favorite baby ?”

-go to a pumpkin patch

-have a spooky movie marathon (with movies like halloween town)

-decorate!

-carve pumpkins

-dress up together

-go trick or treating (or buy candy for you and your little!)

-also, hide candy around for your little to find, so they can still have the experience of “trick or treating”

-have an adventure at halloween stores

-go to a haunted house/trail/any other event

-make spooky snacks/drinks (look online for cute halloween recipes)

-go to a pumpkin patch

-have a spooky movie marathon (with movies like halloween town)

-decorate!

-carve pumpkins

-dress up together

-go trick or treating (or buy candy for you and your little!)

-also, hide candy around for your little to find, so they can still have the experience of “trick or treating”

-have an adventure at halloween stores

-go to a haunted house/trail/any other event

-make spooky snacks/drinks (look online for cute halloween recipes)