So there was a lot of misinformation, and just a huge lack of the nitty gritty stuff, when I was in school and I see a lot of young kids on forums asking if something is normal or worrying about stuff and adults who have wondered their whole lives if other people feel the same on their periods. 

Here’s some stuff about periods people might not talk about;

It can smell. But using scented pads isn’t a great idea, the chemicals in the perfume cause irritation. But here’s the thing; vaginas smell. All of them. All the time. Right now. YOU notice the smell because it’s literally part of you, but other people don’t. If it’s a foul smell and very strong you should speak with a gynecologist, but the average day-to-day odor is normal and doesn’t mean you’re dirty. 

Diarrhea all day every day.

 Or, alternately, constipation all day every day. 

ALSO alternatively, a healthy mix of both sprinkled randomly across the days of your period like too much nutmeg where no one asked nutmeg to be. 

Your first period might not look like a period at first. It might look, well, brown, and lead you to other conclusions about what’s going on in your skivvies. Then it might not come again the next month and show up on a totally different week when it does. Mine came like A LOT. It was very heavy and I bled through a pair of jeans in the middle of school it was so heavy. I didn’t know what it was and thought I was bleeding from my butt because my liar teacher said a period would only be a ‘tablespoon’. Tablespoon of lies. 

At some point your probably going to stain the back of the toilet seat with blood. That doesn’t mean your bleeding too much, or that your dirty, but it’s a tid bit of information I wish I knew as a kid so I could have known to look for it when using public restrooms or at friend’s houses. 

Period farts. 

Having sex on your period isn’t gross or dirty or wrong. Put an old towel down on the bed and have at it.

The feelings you have on your period are entirely valid and not imagined or unimportant because of your period. Whether or not your feelings are heightened by PMS they are still your feelings and should be respected. 

The ‘average’ period is anywhere from 3-10 days with any variation in flow. You shouldn’t be concerned because your period isn’t the same as your friends is, only if it changes from what’s average for you. There isn’t such a thing as a ‘normal period’ you need to fit into.

If you wear a disposable pad there will be a point where it’s going to unstick at some corner and when you pull it off it’s going to pull some of your pubic hair with it. This is going to suck. I am very sorry. 

If you wear a tampon there is going to be a point you will squeeze it out of yourself when you use the bathroom. Just change your tampon each time you go. Please listen to me on this. 

Swamp butt.

You will get blood stained thighs at some point. It’s going to cake onto your skin and make a mess just everywhere. 

The cashier doesn’t care about you buying pads/tampons/etc, they just had a guy buy 4 pounds of carrots, a box of Xtra Large ribbed condoms and cherry scented lube. Your pads are not on their radar of things to care about.

Washing Your Junk:

When you shower (if you want a bath i’d shower before hand or dont wash in the bath itself and shower after to get clean) remember you are not actually washing inside of your vagina, you’re washing the skin around it (labia, clitoris, all those good bits). Using a soft wash cloth with either very mild unscented soap or just warm water.  Seriously, stop putting washing products inside yourself; You do not need to wash the inside of your vagina and doing so can cause infections. Unless given products by your doctor there is no need to douche or use creams or wipes or other stuff like that. They’re lies sold to you to make you think you smell bad. 

 You know how your parents said ‘wipe front to back’?Same with washing, you don’t want to drag butt germs all over your vagina. Don’t do it. 

Some people find that trimming, or shaving, their pubic hair helps them control odor, or makes wearing sanitary products more comfortable, but it isn’t required and is personal preference with different individuals. There is no health benefit to shaving or trimming your pubic hair and it will not make you cleaner than if you didn’t shave. 

Wearing light breathable cotton undies during your period will help eliminate odor and not give you swamp butt. Especially in the summer. 

Washing after sex is a great idea and not just because it’s romantic. If you’ve ever had period sex before you will k n o w but if you have not I am going to just ask you to take my word for it and plan a shower afterwards. 

Also people’s sensitivity level to scents & stuff differs; some people are totally OK with all sorts of stuff including some fairly vigorous soaps and some people get irritation from just looking at the wrong kind of menstrual pad. 

Yes, you can be allergic to spermicide. ASK ME HOW I KNOW. 

Pain and itching in the vulva area are not things you should feel as though you have to put up with. It might be a yeast infection! It might be some other sort of infection! It might be a poor choice of new laundry soap! A lot of irritations of the vulva area can be cured or treated. 

Numbing creams aren’t a substitute for Actual Health Care, but hot damn they can make things more bearable while the antifungals or antibiotics or whatever kick in. 

I have been a cashier. Menstrual products are *so* not on the radar. That person with the 14 poorly organized coupons holding up the long line, the person with the purchase order or the print-on-it-at-the-register check and the huge cart of baking supplies, the condescending asshole in a super hurry who can’t beliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieve that someone could fumble a simple key sequence while being sniped at for not checking out fast enough, the gross raw chicken juice someone dripped all over my nice clean belt literally 30 seconds after I sanitized it, and the agonizing pain in my feet and how badly I have to pee and/or change my own tampon – are all much more of a concern than someone buying menstrual products. 

Exception: the dude who is handling the single cheapest box of pads as if it were a dead whale about to explode – ostentatious performative disgust at something that challenges your masculine identity is notable, and risible. Also the cheap pads are often terrible and are bad value for the money. 

Exception to the exception: the nervous dude who is buying several varieties of menstrual supply because you clearly have no idea which is appropriate, and you’re obviously trying to get it right because it’s important and you care: good man. Have a cookie, and hang in there. It doesn’t make you a superhero, it makes you an ordinary decent person. 

It’s good to get in the habit of carrying your preferred menstrual supplies at all times even if not currently menstruating – even if you’re not caught short someone else might be. 

I don’t care if someone is the weirdest freak in the school, if they ask to borrow menstrual supplies and you have some to spare, do it. Unless they’re some sort of war criminal, in which case all bets are off. (P.S. crimes against fashion are not the same as war crimes.) 

If you know that you get cramps that need medication, carry your preferred painkiller with the other menstrual gear. 

Don’t be a hero and decide you’re going to tough out the cramps without painkillers this time because “you should be stronger than that” or “pain means you’re not in touch with your inner goddess” or whatever fantastic bullshit. It is literally a ball of muscle inside your abdomen doing gymnastics in order to shove blood and gunk out of you, and it gets charley horses. Take whatever you’re taking at the first sign of cramps, so they don’t get worse. 

Also be sensible about medication, if you find you’re using over the counter pain medication in a way that the label says could hurt you or you should talk to your doctor, talk to your doctor. Bleeding ulcers and/or liver failure are serious business and you want to avoid that. 

The “but menstruation is normal and natural and it shouldn’t be medicalized or called badly designed” crowd needs to stay in their lane when someone has menstrual symptoms that would be debilitating even in a society that honored and respected menstruation. Throwing up or passing out from pain is some bad design and deserves medical attention. 

Smegma. It affects mammals who have genitals! 

It’s sad but common that some doctors don’t take menstrual-related symptoms seriously. If yours is pulling any of that bullshit on you, consider your options for how to get heard, taken seriously, and treated effectively. This may mean asking uncomfortable questions like “How many times should I be throwing up because of the pain during each day of my cycle?” and “Is a golf ball sized blood clot normal? Would you like to see one right now?!”, looking for another doctor, and/or filing a complaint with whatever authorities are in charge of your doctor. 

“If you lost weight this wouldn’t be a problem” is some grade-A bullshit. First, OFTEN IT’S SOMETHING ELSE. Second, losing weight takes time and effort even if it’s something you want to/are physically capable of doing, and in the meantime you still have this thing going on, and it’s a problem NOW. This is the body you have, not the body your doctor wishes you had two years from now. Third, POLYCYSTIC OVARIAN SYNDROME, AND PLEASE ALLOW ME TO PRESENT THIS FINE KICK IN THE GENITALS TO A SERIES OF BULLSHIT DOCTORS. 

Blood stains don’t automatically mean the underwear should be never worn again and must be thrown out. It’s your underwear. Are you OK with some blood stains? Yes? Then keep them. 

Horribly bloodstained cotton underwear, a soft cotton washcloth folded in thirds, and a sewing needle with some nice sturdy thread are a great beginner project in DIY overnight-friendly cloth menstrual pads. Just stitch the washcloth to the underwear! (I don’t recommend wearing these out of the house unless you know exactly how much you’re likely to bleed b/c you can’t replace a sewn-on pad if it starts to get soaked.) 

Menstrual-related technology is advancing all the time. If the people who are in charge of teaching about what to do about it were last trained in the early 1980s, they’re probably missing out on a few key developments. See above about wet wipes. 

Period zits. :( 

It’s a lot easier to put the complicated pads with the wings on the underwear before you’re wearing the underwear than after putting the underwear on yourself. 

Packaging and familiarity matter in this time of need. A winged pad with two separate peel-offs is not the same as a winged pad with one peel-off on both wings. Cardboard applicator? Plastic applicator? No applicator? Whatever you like best. Experiment, sometime when it’s not urgent. 

Keep a little basket of menstrual supplies in the bathroom along with any other dispensers for commonly used toiletries. It’s helpful and welcoming for your guests. 

The Silicon Valley tech company which had well-stocked stacks of tampons and pads in all the women’s bathrooms is doing perks correctly. It’s one less thing to worry about, even if it’s not the brand I prefer. 

Period zits ON THE LABIA, WHAT THE HELL MAN, THAT’S JUST NOT FAIR. D: D: D: 

Menstruation is a normal and natural part of having a standard-issue uterus. If you have a partner who can’t handle things like “mentioning you have a period” and “seeing your menstrual supplies in the bathroom”, your uterus is generally not the problem. Your partner has a problem. And on occasion that problem is dysphoria and if that’s the case I’m so sorry and all my good vibes and support. 

Detachable shower heads. DETACHABLE SHOWER HEADS. Even if your area is in a drought and it would be inappropriate and irresponsible to use them for *ahem* recreational purposes *ahem* they’re super useful for directly hosing off your bits if they’re covered in blood and chunks of uterine lining. 

I just wanted to reiterate this, because you would not believe how many teenage girls I’ve seen end up in the hospital with a pelvic infection from not changing their tampon.

We had one end up in the ICU because she’d gone septic.

If you are having heavy periods every two weeks, go see a doctor.

If you go six months to a year without a period when normally you are pretty regular, go see your doctor. 

If you are having a lot of problems with your cycle be it physically and/or emotionally, birth control may help and even Catholic insurances will cover it. (I have multiple friends and families work at Catholic hospitals. They can’t get birth control covered to prevent pregnancy, but they can for their menstrual cycle.) I only used birth control for a few months because of a medication I was taking, but it made my highly irregular cycle (every 1-6 months) regular for two years until I had emotional and physical health problems because of stress.

PMS and period symptoms change from cycle to cycle. (One cycle I’ll have limited period symptoms, but I’ll want to eat anything covered in chocolate while others I will be cramping up so bad all I can do is put a hot pad on my lower back.)

HEATING PADS ARE AMAZING!

You can get disposable ones designed for periods if you are traveling someplace or if they just help your cramps when you are out and about.

This scene from Ten Inch Hero is amazing.

If you have heavy periods that go beyond 7 days (like 10 to 14 days) and you’re unable to spend a day without having your pad over flow, please please please go see a doctor. (I was frighteningly anemic as the result of this and seeing a doctor probably saved my life since I was constantly close to fainting.)

If you in general have periods that make fuctioning difficult, see your doctor. 

Birth control works with heavy periods. Yes, weight can make periods heavier but that does not mean you should punish yourself to drop your weight drasticly. (For me, I never did because my mom had heavy periods too - mine just topped her in terms of what else it did to my body that made the doctor panic.) I’ve been on BC for about six years and after one year I got to throw out almost all of the iron pills I had taken for years. Now I’m just boarder line anemic and can have foods rich in iron instead of taking a bunch of iron pills every day. (Plus, woot for having a 5 day period when I used to have 10+ day period.)

Listen to what your body tells you about menstrual products. I couldn’t wear tampons and I SO wanted the Diva Cup to work for me, but I could barely get it in. My sister tried the cup and almost passed out once she got it situated. Some people just can’t use anything insertable. You’re not a freak.

Consider investing in cloth menstrual pads. They let the area breathe better than plastic-lined disposable pads, they’re reusable, and they’re pretty comfortable. And if you’re a heavy bleeder they will save you a ton of money in the long run.

Hopefully when you’re going through puberty, you are seeing a doctor at least once a year and they’re monitoring your period. BUT if you can’t:

If your period is super irregular a year after you first got it, please talk to your doctor! Especially if you were like me and only got your period every 7 months. And when I did get it, it wasn’t like a normal period. All of that urterine lining had been building up inside me that whole time, which would lead to and ENTIRE MONTH of a constant, crazy heavy flow. The amount I bled through my jeans is crazy. AND it turns out that build up inside is super dangerous, i.e. if left on its own could cause cancer. 

My bills:

In case you’re out of the loop and wondering why nobody wanted a Patriots victory…

[series of tweets from the nazi Richard Spencer.

Upper left: “A Patriots victory is a victory for the #AltRight. #Patriots #SuperBowl”

Upper right: “Brady and Belichick are about to win bigly for Trump, the #AltRight, and White America!”

Lower left: “I was born in Boston, Mass. I’m proud of the NFL’s Whitest team! #superbowl”

Lower right: “For the White race, it’s never over. #SuperBowl”]