après la pluie, le beau temps

Maybe Dot was right. Maybe it wouldn’t make things any better. But Emerson would feel better if her friend punished her for her choices, or at the very least held a grudge against her for not being able to process her own emotions. “I… I just feel like I should’ve known what I was feeling, and known what to say or what to do, because I don’t want you feeling this way. But there are so many people out there that are better than me, and definitely better than me for you. Plus… Ash and I have a history, and I… I owe giving us a real try. I guess I don’t know what to do either.”

She stood by the idea that she wouldn’t be a very good person to day. Except, now she didn’t know what to do with her feelings. Holding a grudge or hating Em based on something that she couldn’t control wasn’t her fault. She thought it was probably better to just forget it and move on, even if that was difficult. “Yeah, well, I’m a subtle person. I’m not very obvious about my feelings ever. And sure there are other people that might be better, but I can’t force feelings. I like you. And I just need to get over it.” She looked down at the ground. “You don’t know what to do about what?” 

“You don’t have to talk to me, I can just talk at you and keep bothering you. It’s kind of how this works. People ignore me, and I don’t stop until they do,” he points out. “And they always end up giving me what I want. Kind of the beauty of it actually. Everyone here would fail at sound torture.” He only scoffs at her request. “No, actually. I can’t just… not,” he clarifies with ease, shrugging.

Instead of saying anything to him, she just sat back in her chair and put her book in front of her face. Since she wasn’t in the mood to talk to him -- not that she ever was -- she decided that she was just going to bury her face in Les Mis and be done with the conversation. If he wanted to keep talking, she wasn’t going to stop him, but she also wasn’t going to listen to Tristan talk.

“okay first of all, gender isn’t real. neither is time. – i’m just trying to be a shoulder to lean on, but hey. whatever you need.”

“I never said it was.” Dot sighed. “Time is real though. And thanks for trying to be a shoulder to lean on, but I don’t like talking to strangers about my problems. I hardly tell my own aunt and uncle my problems. I don’t think I’d tell someone I don’t talk to on a regular basis.” 

“Well, where do I pick up? She’s an excellent soccer player. Could totally score a goal on me any day. Great hair, lovely smile, adorably sexy accent. All the good things that make up a fine woman, yanno. Would def be a good person to get chocolate fondue with.” Not that that had anything to do with anything but Dot just seems like the kind of person that she could enjoy a hangout like that with. “Should I go on? Because I can, or we can talk about other things. Like, maybe why you seem so off today..?” She tries, hopeful that Dot will share. Cam’s positive she can at least provide some comfort or reassurance, whatever the issue is.

She hadn’t expected Camden to continue on, but she wasn’t going to stop her if she wanted to keep giving her compliments. She wasn’t sure that they were warranted because Dot didn’t feel bad about herself. But it was nice to hear them anyway. “I’m not off today. I just... I miss New York sometimes. And I haven’t spoken to my brother in like... days it seems. And I thought someone liked me, but turns out she doesn’t.” Her mood had been low for the past couple of days. “I’m just tired.” 

“I’ll take my chances.”

“Is there something on your mind?” 

— Thanks. Now… — She got the girl’s hand and put the cup there, giving it to her. — I don’t know what you have, but coffee always help.

“I’m not much of a coffee drinker,” Dot replied. “We drink a lot of tea in my family. But thanks for the offer.” Dot put the cup back on the table.

Anika simply nodded her head, she couldn’t blame Dot for snapping at her when Nik herself felt like screaming in the face of everybody in proximity almost every day this week. “It’s cool, I get it,” she assured her, even offering her a small smile to reiterate her words and let her know that no harm had been done, “Are you alright?” she asked, it was evident that she was anything but alright and Nik wasn’t convinced that it was her place to ask but if she didn’t, maybe nobody would and then Dot would be alone with whatever was troubling her. Nobody deserved that.

If she was going to talk to anyone, it would be someone she trusted. Like her brother. Dot hadn’t seen him around lately and knew that he was probably off with his own friends and didn’t want to be bothered by her. “I just...” she shrugged. “I mean yeah, I’m alright. Physically, at least.” Mentally was a different story, but when wasn’t she struggling from something. “I kissed my best friend before the dance and now she’s dating some guy and it hurts.” Dot felt like these were stupid teenager problems that she didn’t want to talk about. There were plenty of other things that she felt were bigger problems, yet she couldn’t focus on them because she could only think about herself. “It’s stupid.” 

“Oof, such harsh words, mon cher.” He touches his chest where his heart would be, feigning hurt before his expression slips easily into one of amusement again, a grin sitting on his lips. “Honestly, nothing. I’m doing this for the pure enjoyment I get from making your life hell. By doing the bare minimum too, so–” He kisses his fingers. “Tres magnifique.”

“I’m not in the mood to deal with you today and even if I was, why would I talk to you if you literally just said you wanted to make my life hell?” Dot wished that people would just listen to her. The only person she wanted to talk to was her mother, which was impossible. “Can you just... not?”

“Well we don’t have to chat if you don’t want to. We can have company in silence.”

“Okay.” Dot said. She’d never spoken to the blonde before and doubted she’d say anything about what she was feeling to someone she didn’t know.

— Okay. But could you give me the jacket that’s under your bag? You don’t have to talk, but I want it back.

“Sorry. Sure. Here.” Dot pulled the jacket out from under her bag not having seen it before sitting down.

“I don’t see why the fact that you’re gay has anything to do with my choice to talk to you — but, let’s talk!”

“It doesn’t, but the French thing makes lots of people not want to talk to me.” 

“totally understandable,  however  since i care about people more than i should i’m gonna keep standing here and looking at you until you speak.”

“It’ll all be okay.” He said, although he was uncertain if his words meant anything but he said them anyway. 

No, it wouldn’t because no matter where in the world she went, she’d never have her mother and that’s really all she wanted. “Will it?” 

“Okay, sour puss,” Cammie allows. “Can you at least let me talk? You can listen. I’ve just got so much to tell you about this girl that I think is incredibly amazing. Killer flute skills, excellent at leading the LGBT club, and looks bomb in red lipstick to boot.” She nudges Dot a little with her elbow. “Want to hear more about her?” 

Dot really didn’t want a hype woman right now. She actually wasn’t in a bad mood over herself. She just missed her mother and the first girl she’d crushed on since arriving at Northlake didn’t like her back. But the more Cammie started talking, the more Dot couldn’t help but feel a little better. It sounded like something her mom would have said. “Not really, but you can keep talking about her if you want.” 

    “      maybe that’s because you haven’t tried this boy.      ”     this isn’t something he genuinely believes, it was merely a blur between trying to be funny and trying to piss her off.  “      can’t knock it ‘til you tried.    ” 

“Really? Because if anything you look like you could use someone to talk to right now.”

“Well you’re wrong. I don’t need that. I especially don’t want to talk to boys.” 

“You wanna talk to someone and save them from wallowing in their own self-pity? —- I mean me by the way.”

“If you feel like talking about them with some annoying French lesbian then sure. Anything to stop thinking about how much I want my mother.”