Dork's Garden

"Breathing near it is enough to kill you! Here's a list of super spooky examples of people who mistook it for salad greens, ate a fuckton, and didn't seek treatment for hours after symptoms set in and then died! See? Just breathing!"

"I knew this guy who tried to grow it but it took over the garden and the neighbor called the cops because it's illegal to have-" checks notes- "lemon balm in the entirety of New England!"

"That might be an illegal poison weapon because you can't rub it on your skin and it's scary." By what law? You don't know of any? No law? So it's not true that every potentially scary flower from foxglove to poppies to morning glories carries an immediate prison risk in the entire US, and that was just something made up for shock value? How unbelievable, that something you read about in normal garden magazines and might find on Etsy and reputable seed sellers' websites is not so illegal it can't exist anywhere in the US (where it ships from, very publicly and trackably). Should I start mixing drinks and blowing noisemakers to celebrate this glorious revelation?