peeping the horror

church date (ceaser x reader fan fic)

rating: M for Mass

word count: at least 8

to celebrate your 17 month anniversary, your boyfriend ceasar was taking you out on an olive garden date. you were in the middle of eating your overpriced spaghetti when suddenly caeser looked at you very seriously.

"y/n... we have been dating for 17 months now, i think it's a time we take our relationship to the next level," he said, winking his italian eyelashes.

you gasped, your whole face and hair turning bright pink like pepto bismol . was he really going to pop the question right now?? or maybe he was finally gonna let you give him a blowjob???

cesar looked you deep into your e/c eyes. "will you... go to mass with me?"

you tried your best not to hide your disappointment and the fact that you weren't even catholic. "yayyy mass... my favorite..."

~later at mass~

you arrived at mass and went to sit down. but just as you sat down, everyone stood up. the priest said some things and then everyone sat down again. then everyone stood up to sing a song. then sat down again. "wtf this is a workout," you said, breathing heavily. was this why caser was so buff??

"no talking in church puttana," caeser said.

you stood up and sat down a couple more times, then the priest got out the crackers and wine. thank god, all this sitting and standing was making you hungry.

you and caesr got in line to go get some. the line moved very slow. when it was finally your turn, the priest held up one of the crackers and said, "the body of christ."

"um, okay?" you said, and reached out to take it, but casar grabbed your arm to stop you.

"what are you doing? i'm hungry," you said.

"i did not a realize you hadn't had your first communion," said caear.

"?" you said.

"you're supposed to say 'amen' after the priest says 'the body of christ,'" he mansplained. "i'm a so sorry about that," he apologized to the priest, then told you to go sit back down.

after you sat down it was awkwardly silent cuz people were praying and shit. ceser wouldn't even look at you because he was praying too. you sighed sadly. this was so boring. you started thinking of all the anime amvs you wanted to make to pass the time.

mass finally ended after what felt like an hour, and you and saeser walked back quietly to his car.

"are you still upset about the body of christ thing?" you said. "i'm sorry if i embarrassed you, i didn't know there was a code word."

"i didn't know you weren't catholic y/n," caer said, sounding like his heart had just shaddered into a gazillion pieces. "mamma mia..."

"yeah i guess i forgot to tell you"

"you know whar i was praying for y/n??? that someday i would get to marry you in the church.... but how could that a happen if you're not even catholic?? you crush my soul... you rip out my heart while it's still bleeding. beating i mean. goodbye y/n... let me kno if you wanna convert tho."

"hey wait don't leave me here i can't drive!" you said.