The Dope Dad Daily

Yesterday was one for the books as it was my son’s first ever basketball game! It may sound silly but I’ve been waiting forever for this. When you grow up playing basketball and loving the game the way I do, it’s only natural you want to see your kids play and enjoy the game as well. One thing you learn when having kids is they do things on their own schedule…and that’s ok. Mars has made it clear he wasn’t ready for sports so when he said he was, I WAS ALL IN. I found him a league, started practicing with him, and we picked matching Jordans for him to ball in. My man is athletic so stay tuned for the progress. Game 1 was a success! He had one steal and led an NBA worthy bench celebration! Happy Sunday Funday friends and fam!

One of the most memorable things about by birthday is that Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse released that day. If you know me, you know I love Spidey so me and Mars didn’t hesitate to buy tickets for my birthday and it was amazing! I reflected on something else that day too though….. I didn’t know what to expect as a parent but one thing was certain. When I had kids we would wear dope matching Jordans. WRONG. My kids are weirdly practical and care about things like comfort (nerds). Bro, It’s Michael Jordan. We talking god-like greatness not comfort. Things have slowly started changing and Mars doesn’t ask for Jordans but does get excited when he gets new pairs and loves when I have the same pair. He puts them on with pride and gets nervous to wear them to school to not ruin them. It’s a thing of beauty. He pointed out multiple people at the movies who were also wearing the Miles Morales themed Jordan 1 (The Next Chapter). I think I finally have my sneakerhead son. Happy Dope Dad Day y’all!

I’ve spent the majority of my 14 years in the Coast Guard behind a desk or in an office setting. I’ve loved the work I’ve done but always looked for new opportunities for change, growth, and challenges. I now work in port state control doing exams on foreign vessels and it’s like nothing I’ve ever done. Never in a million years would I think a hardhat would be part of my daily uniform. It’s an overwhelming amount of new information to learn but I’m up for the challenge. I easily could’ve extended my time as a recruiter and been comfortable and happy. There are some days I’m frustrated and wonder why I didn’t stay my previous field. Then I think of the example I’m setting for my children. They are never going to be able to say (or at least they shouldn’t) that I didn’t have the work ethic for upward mobility. They can’t say I don’t have the humility to recognize I need help and ask for it. Most importantly, I hope they understand how healthy it is to continuously want to learn new things to evolve as a person. When I leave the Coast Guard I want to know that I took full advantage of my time in this great organization. I didn’t get to a good place and get complacent. When I got to a good place I always looked for the next good place and didn’t let anyone deny me from getting there. That’s real dope dad stuff right there. 

Being a father is challenging because I expect my kids to behave how I CURRENTLY behave. It’s easy to forget how long it took me to appreciate certain aspects of life. It’s easy to forget how many coaches I frustrated due to a lack of work ethic off the court. My daughter told me yesterday that her and my son love all my trophies from the Coast Guard that I have upstairs. She wanted to know how she could have her own trophies. When I told her that sports was the easiest way she frowned. She likes soccer but looked stressed when she told me how tired she gets while playing. I insisted that hard work would ensure she could play longer without being tired. Trophies aren't always given to those that are best at what they do but for those who are willing to work harder than others. In my opinion that was so powerful it should be quoted in movies but instead she looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. She said, “yeah but I just don't like being tired.” I wanted to call her a baby bum but figured that would not be helpful. How do you motivate your kids to work harder? 

Man bun Mars. Fat man Mars. Marzi Man. This little guy has personality and is EVERYTHING I hoped a son would be. Today we celebrated his third birthday in a somewhat unusual fashion. My two kids have birthdays that are 10 days apart so we do a joint party in between the two. However, this year my buddy Ramone just so happened to be throwing a party for his son on Mars’ actual birthday. So a good portion of his birthday was spent at someone else’s party. At one point he playfully demanded he get a balloon too since it is his birthday after all. When Carter blew his candles out they ensured Mars got to blow one out too. It was a great time and while unusual, not too far fetched from silly things this family does. At the age of three he can hold full conversations, ride a scooter like an x gamer,  and eat like a 33 year old. However, as recently as two days ago he thought he was five years old so we have some work to do there...He went from age two to three. Jordan jersey. See what I did there? 

Happy Birthday Young King. 

You ever look at your child and think, “man, I wish they could stay this age forever?” I don’t! I love watching them do or say something new everyday and I look forward to what they’ll do next. However, there are some things I do miss from their earlier days. Once upon a time I would wake up early every morning to ensure I was the one who picked out my daughters cloths and got her dressed. It’s probably the reason she considers me her best friend these days. That was a time for bonding we got everyday and I loved putting her in the dopest outfits I could find. The best part about it was that she wasn’t old enough to request anything thing else. Whatever I put on that day she would smile and giggle all day in it. Things have changed since then. She went through a phase where I’m pretty sure she said no to whatever I suggested just to mess with me. She has a unique and great sense of style but I truly miss her wearing whatever I suggested. I mean who wouldn't want to wear a shirt with eggs over Kanye’s eyes called “two eggs over yeezy?” 

My daughter is the cutest kid you’ll ever see. She’s funny and also pretty smart for her age. She would shock people as a baby because she started talking when she still looked like an infant. However, she might be the laziest person I’ve ever met. She literally gets tired on neighborhood walks even when being pushed in a stroller. We have an amazing park at the end of our street and most kids would be begging to go everyday. Not my Myla. She would prefer to watch Lion Guard for days at a time if we allowed her. Today she agreed to go but decided to sit down as soon as we arrived. Being a dope dad I quickly began to strategize how to get her active. I asked her, “Aren’t you a part of the Lion Guard?” She quickly glanced at me with curiosity to hear what was coming next. The Lion Guard is a team of brave animals led by Simba’s son. They guard their Kingdom and my kids swear they are part of the crew. I assured her that the rest of the team is somewhere putting in work so sitting on the slide isn’t preparing her to be ready. She immediately sprinted around the park twice and began to work on her climbing. Being a dad is so fun because everyday is a new opportunity to learn something new. I may make a mistake one day on how I discipline them or try to teach them something. The next day presents a new chance to be better. I try to ensure I get better everyday so they can too. 

We all have different visions of how life will be once we have kids. So far, mine has been pretty close to what I always expected. They both have huge foreheads, funny, light up a room, and have a sense of style unmatched by their peers. However, neither of them has mastered a sport. That’s unacceptable. I decided that enough is enough and it’s time to see if sports are in their futures. Mars and I had a shoot around session for about 30 minutes today and I was impressed and frustrated at the same time. He’s fast and picks up on things fairly quickly. He did come back from one of our breaks with a toy pizza cutter to assist him in shooting. Either he is a genius or wasn't taking it serious but I didn't entertain that foolery. I told him to come back when he is ready to ball because I play for keeps! He returned and finished strong but when I wanted to take a picture at the end his mom insisted he needed to come help bake muffins. What?! I’m trying to develop the next Steph Curry not Chef Curry. She is not helping my cause. The great philosopher Drake once said, “She wasn't with me shooting in the gym”. Remember kids, dad was there with you in the gym. RIP Kobe. 

What an epic photo! A proud dad sitting next to his son, Mars, with a Jordan Brand “Son of Mar’s” shirt on. What you don’t know is the story of when those shoes and shirt almost caused me to be hospitalized. Mars is my second born but when my wife was pregnant with my daughter I was pretty convinced she was going to be a boy. So much so that when we went to find out the gender I wore my “Son of Mars” shoes to the hospital. Allegedly, when the nurse announced it was a girl my face went blank with disappointment. I would argue that the magnitude of the moment froze me but either way I do recall the awkward silence in the room. I remember seeing the nurse’s face and wondering if she found a way to disappear if she could take me with her. I could feel Ellen’s cold stare out the side of my eye. I’m not sure if pregnancy strength is a myth but I was very close to finding out that day. Be on the lookout for a post explaining the origin of my son’s name. I promise it’s not completely to pay homage to Michael Jordan. That would be my daughter, Myla Jordan, or “MJ” as we sometimes call her. 

I hate cats. They freak me out and I haven't seen sufficient evidence to convince me they are intended to be domestic animals. My daughter unfortunately loves cats. I hate to repeat myself but I hate them. They disgust me enough that I can look my daughter in her cute face and tell her we will never have a pet cat. I can sleep soundly all night after such a savage statement too. If you know me you know I’m all about these kids and at times it does break my heart to know how much she loves cats but can’t have one. Then a solution hit me! I need to find a place that allows me to buy her a cat but she keeps it there. Far away from her dad that she loves so much. It would be similar to owning a horse but keeping it at a stable. Does such a place exist? If not, I tried...

I’m not sure if that title made you want to click or roll your eyes but let me give you some backstory. Brett Frizzell, one of my best friends in the world, passed away last year. He was one of the most positive people I knew. He was from Los Angeles and was all about spreading cool beach vibes. One day to playfully make a point he told my wife, “it isn't always Louis Vuitton and Scarves”. That was his humorous way of informing her that life isn't always a good time. That is exactly how I’m feeling about parenting the last few days. It has been quite the challenge. I recently sent my friend who is an expecting father for the first time a book. I decided maybe I should read one too and I’ve been practicing patience and better approaches to certain reactions from my kids. The issue is that they aren't reading and practicing new approaches to me. Can you see the conflict there? I’m actually looking into a theory that they know I’m trying to be patient and are acting extra aggressive to push me. You ever considered fighting a 2 year old? I was THIS CLOSE. What makes it more frustrating is that they will do something totally adorable the next moment but I’m too petty to acknowledge it. Tomorrow is Pizza Friday though so I expect better behavior. I think....

The beautiful thing about parenting is constantly finding ways to show my kids new experiences. My parents moved a lot during my childhood which afforded me the opportunity to experience living in different parts of the country. I loved it and try to expand upon that with my children. The Coast Guard has allowed me to live in some of the coolest cities in America and we try to see and do as much as possible in the time we have in each city. I’ve taken an interest in trail running since moving to California and today wanted to share that experience with the kids. We went to Will Rogers State Park and after a few miles of running I joined the kids and my wife on a walk. They loved the views and were amazed to see the horses running back and forth. With Mars’ seeming to take my height he might have found his calling as a horse jockey. We all know he has no fear so that wouldn’t be an issue. Even Myla was intrigued enough to put her iPad down and run around the trail. There is nothing like witnessing your kids see new things and simply enjoying life. What fun things do you love doing with your kids? 

History is being made before our eyes and I am so thankful to see it. I’m thankful to see Juneteenth celebrated on a global level. My ancestors fought and many never saw the accomplishments that were derived from their generation’s efforts. People of all ages and nationalities have forcefully voiced their feelings/concerns as of late and they are being heard. I am not saying the work is done but I am acknowledging the progress that has been made. However, I can’t pretend Juneteenth has been celebrated the way it should be in my household either. I’ve made some posts in the past and educated myself but what about my kids? What about my white wife?  The lack of information presented to me in school, at home, and in my social setting is the reason it wasn’t that long ago I was fully aware of what this day was. I credit the show Blackish for doing an exceptional job on an episode in 2017 and forcing me to study in depth about such a meaningful day for our country. There is a moment in the show where his son calls him a bad black person for waking them up early on Cyber Monday but not celebrating Juneteenth. That’s how I’ve been feeling. So what now? We have decided to buy from and promote black owned businesses and to have our kids watch the Juneteenth episode of Blackish as a start. The books they have that celebrate blackness will be pushed to the forefront come bedtime. It’s my job to prepare them for everything that will come with being black kids in America and education is as good a weapon as any. 

My apologies for my absence. A friend recently called me out about my inconsistency in providing content. I was attending Coast Guard Officer Candidate School so have an excuse for a few months but then I simply wasn’t in a writing groove upon returning. We have a lot of catching up to do because my kids have enough character to write a post everyday. One challenge that I have taking more serious since coming back home is how my two children treat each other. I witness far too often that one inflicts pain on the other or is nearby during an accident and couldn't care less. I emphasize each time to simply check on their sibling and offer help if possible. I lost my only sibling this year to a car accident and spend many of my days contemplating if I did enough to show her how much I cared. In response, I am doing what I can to ensure my kids have a healthy relationship and genuine love for one another. Being biracial in America will present challenges. Being military brats who constantly move and have to adapt to new surrounding will be challenging. There will be times they feel like they are all each other has and in those moments I want that to be enough.