My Blog of Randomness

FOR LARRY WALTERS, WHO DREAMED SINCE HE WAS A CHILD OF USING BALLOONS TO FLY; WHO IN 1982 SPEND FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS OF HIS TRUCK-DRIVING DELIVERYMAN SALARY TO BUY SUPPLIES, INCLUDING ONE LAWN CHAIR, FORTY-TWO BALLOONS, AND A HELIUM TANK, WHICH HE USED TO INFLATE THE BALLOONS, ARRANGING THEM IN A RING AROUND THE LAWN CHAIR, A STURDY ALUMINUM TYPE FROM SEARS, IN WHICH HE LAUNCHED HIMSELF ALONG WITH HIS PELLET GUN AND WATER JUGS A THOUSAND FEET A MINUTE INTO THE CALIFORNIA SKY, WITH THE GOAL OF CLEARING THE SAN GABRIEL MOUNTAINS TO REACH THE MOJAVE; WHO AGAINST ALL ODDS FLEW, FROM A BACKYARD IN SAN PEDRO TO LONG BEACH, AN IMPERFECT MAN ON AN IMPERFECT FLIGHT PATH, WHO BROUGHT HIS CAMERA BUT DIDN’T USE IT; WHO, UPON HIS ARREST BY THE LONG BEACH POLICE, WAS QUOTED AS SAYING A MAN CAN’T JUST SIT AROUND…..

FUCK YES LARRY YOU DID IT BABY

Simon has this great personality trait where if you tell him an embarassing or vulnerable story, he'll match it so that it's even. It's great for work

So i was telling him about one friday night at like 8pm when i was alone at work and hadnt had a customer for like an hour so id been texting mates and had pretty much forgotten i was at work.

This guy comes in and quickly buys a jacket and as im packaging it up he asked if i had plans for the weekend, just in a small talk kinda way. So i said i was working all weekend and he was pretty surprised and asked "how much do you work?"

And i, forgetting that im at work and dont know how religious this guy could be, say, "oh not everyday. I'm like God, i work six days a week and rest on the seventh"

It didnt land well, i think he was too surprised, but he wasnt like offended by some casual blasphemy so its all chill really

Simon in turn told me about this time like a decade ago when he was working on Collins street, which is pretty high end sorta suits and stuff. Customers easily drop $600 and think very highly of themselves.

So its quiet day and Simon is playing a coits sim game on his phone. Coits is that game where you put a stick in the yard and throw hoops over it. Hes getting good at it but hasnt gotten all seven on in a match yet. This lady walks in just as he misses the seventh after getting all previous six and the seventh misses by a hair so hes pretty into it in that moment

So instead of greeting her normally, he says, "oh, no! Sorry, im playing this game and i just missed. I got six!" Then realises he should involve her i guess? So he says, "how many rings can you get around a stick?"

At this point in his telling i freaked out cos thats way too close to sexual to say to a customer! But he kinda shushed me and says, "so she, without a second of thought, immediately says 'depends how much lipstick i have on'"

The Boondocks - The Trial of R. Kelly (01X02)

This was the best scene from The Boondocks.