dudes kissing

guys that only read self help books are so cringe. like bro all books are self help books the characters make the mistakes so you dont have to. After reading oediupus rex i knew to not do that

i love you semicolon. no one look at my 80 word sentence

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

World Heritage Post

I managed to listen to exactly 3 seconds of this before I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe.

took ketamine and forgot what sex was. like i was so baffled by the concept. two questions that manifested in my head were "hold on, which one do I have - do I have a vagina?" and "wait a minute, have I had sex?"

this sucks im going to kill (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) the president of the United States. (end statement)

fucked up in the club asking the dj to play flight of the bumblebee

Everyone needs three hobbies: one to give you carpel tunnel, one to leave you sore and bruised, and one for your distant relatives to insist you monetize

Jerking off. Falling down the stairs. Fixing the wifi.