are you over there having flashbacks to me choking you out with my thighs? no wonder you still talk about me.

in your dreams. i was fighting for my life. that was a traumatic experience for me. ( ...but i wouldn't say no to a rematch. )

it's what you deserve for your crimes. if you ain't going back to jail then name calling it is!

name calling? that is the best you got? i thought mami was more creative with her punishments. i can think of better ways for you to discipline me.

you just made me choke on my smoothie by laughing. you almost killed me, dickhead.

name calling? really? after i just provided you with world-class entertainment? add attempted murder to my rap sheet.

wow, supporting criminals? very irresponsible. i am a reformed citizen and a role model. you are just encouraging chaos. be better, jungle boy. (and buy a razor).

uhh, HELLO. i was injured, duped out of my title by a chipmunk, now i have to feud with mediocre women and my title is nowhere in sight. my suffering is inexplicably worse.

trust me, the feeling is mutual. i even held my breath while reading this so i wouldn't catch your loser germs. safety first. 😷

mhm. you're still a terrible liar. noted.

i am literally the most honest person in this business. maybe you just have trust issues. that sounds like a personal problem.

like you aren't up in my notifications liking my posts? the eviction ain't going so well on all fronts, i see. 🤭

my thumb slipped because i was scrolling so fast to get your face off my screen. don't read into it.

abandoned? that's rich. and nice to know you just walk around your house talking about me. i love living in someone's head rent free.

rent free? no. you are a squatter. i am trying to evict you but you keep showing up in my notifications. if you are so unbothered, why are you still replying to me? obsessed.

you're such a baby when you're injured. and you're just mad because you know she'd be happier to see me than she ever is for you!

fake news. i mentioned your name earlier and she growled. she knows you abandoned us. she is team liv now, just like her papi. deal with it.

afraid not. i'm busy mourning the loss of my nail and drafting an apology to my nail tech. looks like you'll just have to sit and suffer in your lap of luxury! tell your dog i miss her.

don't talk about her. you lost visitation rights a long time ago. fix your nail and leave me alone to suffer in peace.

the doctor said i need "rest" and "recovery" but i think what i actually need is room service and sympathy. i am suffering greatly. this is mistreatment of a veteran. someone send me snacks or i'm suing the medical team for emotional distress.

kick my ass? in your dreams, old man. worry about your own hips giving out before you worry about me. i went easy on you last time out of pity for the elderly. won't happen again.

uhh, HELLO. i was injured, duped out of my title by a chipmunk, now i have to feud with mediocre women and my title is nowhere in sight. my suffering is inexplicably worse.

you got beat by a chipmunk? i would delete this app out of shame if i were you. that is embarrassing. please stay away from me, losing is contagious and i can't afford to catch it.

if anyone wants to know how i’m doing after this continual series of unfortunate events, please don’t bother to ask. instead consider bringing me a peace offering of snacks. yours kindly, the glamor.

get in line. i have been begging for snacks for hours. my suffering is significantly more important than yours. i am injured. find a new excuse.

the doctor said i need "rest" and "recovery" but i think what i actually need is room service and sympathy. i am suffering greatly. this is mistreatment of a veteran. someone send me snacks or i'm suing the medical team for emotional distress.

you don't know me? i served hard time. i am a legend in this industry. google me and then come back and apologize for your ignorance.

the doctor said i need "rest" and "recovery" but i think what i actually need is room service and sympathy. i am suffering greatly. this is mistreatment of a veteran. someone send me snacks or i'm suing the medical team for emotional distress.

i was going to sue them, but it would be cheaper if you just went and scared them for me. go threaten the doctor until he clears me. or at least get me better pain meds.

the doctor said i need "rest" and "recovery" but i think what i actually need is room service and sympathy. i am suffering greatly. this is mistreatment of a veteran. someone send me snacks or i'm suing the medical team for emotional distress.

if you actually "aimed to please," you would be on your way to my room with chicken tendies right now. so really, do better.

the doctor said i need "rest" and "recovery" but i think what i actually need is room service and sympathy. i am suffering greatly. this is mistreatment of a veteran. someone send me snacks or i'm suing the medical team for emotional distress.

princess dom... actually, it has a nice ring to it. put it on a t-shirt and send me the royalties. thanks for the branding idea, fanboy.