Got alerted that it was a 7 year anniversary on here today. Felt compelled to make a post for updates but also to clear the air from things I hear through the grapevine, and also for the haters that I know are out there. Most people and I are chill, but there are a couple, for whatever reason, that make it their lifeβs mission to dog me as some sort of competition to prove they were right about something. Idk. Iβm not a psychologist, and maybe thatβs the problem. I havenβt always done everything right, but I can honestly say Iβve genuinely cared about every friend and girlfriend Iβve ever had, even when I had to work through the pain of realizing things werenβt going to work out, and Iβve never put hands on anyone or crossed lines for what I feel like it is to be man. At the end of the day, I find that I have higher standards for myself than most people, and I donβt need validation for that.
I havenβt posted on here in years, but itβs been for the best reasons. Iβve taken over a mortgage on a house. Iβve been in the gym, I put on 25 pounds of muscle. I started a business thatβs taken off as one of the better cannabis brands in my state. Iβve done events and conventions. Iβve gone and watched my alma mater win back to back national basketball championships. Iβve finally gotten back to festivals. And MOST importantly, Iβve met the most fantastic woman Iβve ever met in my entire life who has loved me, supported me, and made me a better person throughout it all. I was starting to think maybe it would never happen. I wasnβt looking, at all. And then she just walked into my life. I guess they say that right as you give up and submit, it happens.
Never in a million years would I have ever expected to meet a girl like this at a shitty hometown bar, and it was a 1-in-a-million shot that she was even there. She was recently out of a local college, lived out of state, and was just rooming with a friend to help her out. Her friend dragged her out, and I happened to be there with a gym friend sitting at the bar watching the Celtics/Lakers. We all noticed each other, danced together and talked and laughed a lot. When it was time to leave, I got her info and we started casually talking and hanging out more.
The more that I learned about her, the more amazed and obsessed I was. She taught me things I didnβt know. She made me consider things in a different way than I always did. She was quiet, but direct. In a lot of ways, she was very different than me: different race obviously, different family life (HUGE fam with healthy relationships), bounced around a lot in childhood. And yet, despite all our differences, she was interested in me. I couldnβt believe it. This absolute goddess. Bad bitch energy on the outside, like goth witch vibes, but for those in her circle she is the most kind, caring, smart, funny, hard working person Iβve ever seen. She practically raised her SIX siblings with her mom who had a few different BMs, calls them her babies. Why would anyone ever hate on this relationship? Well, Iβm 9 years older than her. She will be 26, Iβm 35. And I know this sounds like the most based thing ever, but itβs true: she is the most mature woman I have ever been with, hands down, no questions asked, twice on Sunday. She calls me out on my bullshit when I need it, she supports my hobbies. Shes vegan and pushes me to be healthier. I could literally write a novel about the things that I love about her. And I opened up to her. I told her everything. About all of my many past relationships. About my addiction. Everything. And she didnβt hate me for it, she loved me for changing. She made my life, OUR life.
And so I proposed. Last November, in the gardens at an old-ass Victorian mansion where they hung witches in Salem on Halloween under the moonlight for the first time in my life, I asked someone to marry me. Not because it was easy (although it is), not for money, not because βsheβs easy to manipulateβ (honestly that sounds like projection when people even say it), but because for once in my life, I feel like I am healthy enough and have someone who loves me for me, and who wont leave through the ups and downs. I mean Iβm old as fuck now, itβs probably time. And ya know, my Mom is for sure crazy, but she had a few sayings that I liked, and one was: βitβs okay to take your old memories off the shelf every once in a while, but just make sure you put them backβ. And I think thatβs great advice for everyone.
Peace Tumblr. Maybe Iβll chalk another update down in a few years. Be easy, be well. And most importantly: donβt be a fucking hater man. βπ»
