domavor.matrix0

April 29, 2026

Yikes… it’s been awhile since I’ve opened Tumblr 🫩

Note to self: Stop being reactive in conversations

Let 2026 be my year to find peace in the things I cannot change, and allow growth within myself and our marriage 🪷🪺 Happy 25th birthday to my beautiful Savannah. I wouldn’t want to do life with anyone else

I welcome myself back to my blog after a needed break...

January 13, 2025

Arcane... I'm going to miss you. Ekko x Powder forever

Spilled Milk | February 13, 2023 | Three Short Essay Assignment

As I listen to “Lovely” by Billie Eilish while sipping fine wine, I realize the past haunts me like a spirit whose soul is stuck in between worlds. A spirit trying to find its way home. I notice my mind wandering off, seeking the interpretation of ‘what if’'?

What if I hadn’t abandoned all the people I love? What if I gave the windy city a chance?

What if I wrote my story with a different meaning?

Empty acknowledgements erupt over my guilty conscience.

I allow the pain to suffocate me. False emotions, the voices in my head encourage me to peek into that one chapter, only the chapter that didn’t want me. The chapter that didn’t need me anymore. Strange secrets.

I feel my throat start to choke up as what seems to be a million scenarios play out in my head. The sweet taste of temptation overpowers the truth, my truth. My unknowing conscience pushes me to fight, while I can fight.

I force myself to stop dwelling over spilled milk.

I remind myself to look the other way, sometimes things are better left unsaid, no closure in sight. Sometimes it's best to throw away the key and walk away. Be at peace with the things we can’t change, right?. I remind myself to resist cultivation and do better in forgotten places with full sun and freedom.

The sight is almost beautiful…but there I go again, bursting my own bubble. I watch the past empire I built with ambition, curiosity, and the unknown future burn to the ground. Nothing left in sight but the smoky ash that blinds my crown and the broken tears that drip down my cheeks. Not hard enough.

Not enough to break my undying soul. I drift away in silence. Sometimes it’s too late to make amends. The journey back home will be a beautiful yet dreadful one, but at least I can breathe again. 

August 27, 2024

"I feel like I hit rock bottom, and another trap door opened, and I plunged further into despair"

God only gives us as much suffering as we can endure.

"I mean, pile us on the shit to see if we'll break? Why?"

To test our faith and to make us appreciate the good that we do have

April 22, 2024

Happy 23rd birthday, Savvy Girl

April 17, 2024

We just finished watching 13 Going on 30 and didn't realize that it's Jennifer Garner's birthday. Now, it has to become an annual tradition to watch her movies to celebrate her 🥰

April 16, 2024

Thank you for seeing City Morgue for the second time with me. Bombs in the Mail Tour • San Antonio, TX • Aztec Theater • 04/18/2024

April 15, 2024

4:35 AM, exhausted yet wide awake. Holy shit, my eyes

The way time flies...

Your days away from turning 23 years old. I remember when we were 17 and 18 years old. Wow...

As we age, we grow, and early in our 20s, we've been through obstacles and stages.

- Honeymoon phase, getting to know each other as more them distant friends. Pure perfection

- Beginning of life stage. Barley 19 and in our own apartment. Thriving to be consistently in a peaceful place. Walking on eggshells

- Reconcile stage. Everything seemed impossible. We were unhappy but somewhat happy at the same time. At least, that's how I felt. Desperately army crawling to the next 'level'.

- Growth stage. The future is near. We both started college. I finally felt like I had a purpose. Finally, I saw light at the end of the tunnel, not only financially and career wise, but within our relationship. I had a hobby, the drive I lost a long time ago. Marriage; 10.02.2022 • Las Vegas, NV

- 2023 stage, 2 year mark. It was still at a bumpy intersection, but closer to the vision. Steady jobs, consistent academic schedules. Started to meet each other's needs; it's not perfect, but it's a start.

- 2024 stage, present time; 3 year mark. We got the house, we have a backyard, peace. We are consistently trying to plan for our future, ways for a smooth transition. The love is real.

Like I said, it's not perfect, and it's bumpy, but we're at the point where we know what we need to do to. Thank you for trying even during times when it seemed impossible. The ship has finally sailed.

March 27, 2024

My ‘first love’ wasn’t really my first love. I say this because I never felt it to be real, hell I don’t remember majority of it. I think my teenage soul craved chaos, but it was never ‘true love’. - I say that confidently.

Crave(d) just incase she doesn’t see the past tense in the word.

When you feel true love, it’s an intensely feeling, you just know it. I mean it doesn’t go away, it’s the feeling that keeps you up at night wondering if they’ll stay, feel the same way. The type of love that gives you a sense of purpose and another look into life. It almost feels like another shot at life, the chance the be a better version of myself while we follow each other into unknown territory. Experiencing intimacy that’s beyond anything else. Recognizing the soul within each other for the first time cannot be compared to.

Sex. Vulnerability. Love. Recognition. Mirror. Consistency. Nurture. Nature. Balance. Inspiration. Soul Ties. Us

Love is complicated, I never understood that until I met you, the true you. Beautiful you.

Our love feels like a fine tightrope, and we’re walking on it, keeping it balanced, just enough for us to recognize each other. Like galaxies that collided and remained.

Becoming one. A single heart beat, shared by two. My truest love, you.

Something I never realized is that every mistake I made, you made is simply the transformation of our lives trying to guide it’s way as individuals and as partners into reality.

As I’ve processed this, I see that when anger arrives, it’s anger towards mistakes that are destined to happen as we blossom into our own individual selves, adults. It’s human nature.

Growth 🌱 3 years later and I’m trying to figure you out, us out.

Also- I’m trying to figure out how we got to this place. The place between reality and delusion. Will I ever comprehend? I don’t know. I never meant for it to become like this, but a wise one once told me that a relationship is like a heartbeat. A heartbeat that needs nurture. I never thought about it like that.

Love. Love. Love.

August 28, 2023

Las Vegas, NV

October 1st, 2022

Happily Ever After 💍🤵🏼👰🏻‍♀️ Thank you for making our first year of marriage beautiful

July 9, 2023

Live Life like Golden 💎

May 12th, 2023

Twilight marathons with you are amazing 🖤

Also, watching The Mask with you in honor of my grandma is a blessing. Thank you, my love ⛈️

Grandma, I miss and love you lots. My soulmate and best friend, I'll never feel whole without you. Candy D. Graves, the sweetest woman in the goddamn world 🌎💛

April 2nd, 2023

Crybaby has evolved 💧