huxleydoll

Hey guys! First of all, thank you guys so much for being so patient with me

It’s so hot outside and in our apartment rn that it’s genuinely impossible to get a meaningful amount of work done. Hopefully the heat will die down soon, we do have rain coming in, but it’s gonna be a little slow going for now

I would also like to say that despite the heat and difficulty I’m having with the comic, I am taking commissions right now because money is getting pretty tight and I’ve been at a net zero in my account for too long for comfort. I am able to get solo pieces done comfortably, but more complex pieces will take longer than usual, I do want to be clear.

I’m also working on a couple of commissions I have open currently, so the first comm I get here (if I get one), will be second in line.

If you’re interested, please check out my comm prices here:

I have made a conscious effort to vastly speed up my delivery time, so for simpler pieces, please allow up to 3 days for me to complete it. I will give a time frame for a more complex piece on request

Scratch Aquatic Blight DTA available! If you would like to participate, please follow the guidelines in the description!

MASSIVE TW FOR DESCRIPTIONS OF MY HALLUCINATIONS -BUGS -DESCRIPTIONS OF PARANOIA -DEREALIZATION -DISTURBING THOUGHT PROCESS/IMAGERY DESCRIPTION

i ranted about this a little on my twitter, but i can talk more long form here, so i'm just gonna dump my thoughts about my unhealthy brain

living with a psychotic disorder (which is a diagnostic hell of a process away from being confirmed bipolar-type schizoaffective disorder in my case) is absolute hell. i can't describe the way the paranoia eats at my every day life and makes living an absolute nightmare some days. the shadow people in the corners of my eyes, the sounds of the bugs in the wall or under my skin that i know aren't real, the feeling of being touched when nobody's around; this stuff absolutely terrifies me

i feel like i handle it as well as i can in my current condition and god knows mental health medical care is absolute hell to get your hands on, but it's still not pleasant to say the least

i've seen posts from time to time (not as often as some people say, but still enough to be concerning) about people manifesting or wishing for mental disorders such as schizophrenia and i just... i'll never understand that

i'll absolutely never understand the desire to live like this, to never know what's real and what's fake in your own world, in your own mind. i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy and i hope others who struggle with it are able to make it one day at a time

god knows you guys are absolute troopers for just being able to tolerate it every day and i have so much respect for every single other person who has a psychotic disorder

above all, please take care of yourselves, and i'm gonna keep trying to do the same

it's gotten too much lately... i've been trying to deal with it, but the whispers are so loud in my ears and i can practically hear the people outside stalking me (even though i know it's just a delusion), not to mention the manic episode i've been in for like a month or two now, time doesn't make any sense anymore

i'll make it through ok, it's just another weight on my shoulders, but it feels good to rant about it sometimes

it brings me back to reality in a way

Edit:

Felt the need to add a little more

another thing that i'm sure others who have similar mental issues deal with is the absolute terror of being watched constantly online.

it's such an odd dichotomy; feeling like you've been cut off from the world in all forms while also being acutely attentive to every single interaction and view on your posts out of fear of a particular person

i guess trauma does that to you...

i won't go into detail, but there is someone who has hurt me gravely and that i have also hurt gravely...

it's not something that can ever be repaired and after the way this person hurt me, i don't ever want it to be, but... the lingering fear of them still haunts me every single day... it almost drove me away from art all together

it's especially bad knowing this person is about 5x my size on every single platform if not more... so what could i even do about it if they ever went up against me? absolutely nothing

and it's all just interpersonal things that have no business being public. kids growing up and hurting each other in exceedingly painful ways either out of ignorance or just a lack of development to rid themselves of the qualities that hurt people they care about

but it still just doesn't stop the way it terrifies me every time i see one of our mutuals like my posts... or the way it scares me to even mention that i've been hurt in the past out of fear or retaliation that, in all reality, likely was never there to begin with...

but it's hard to know if i'm gaslighting myself into believing that, too.. it's just so hard to know

hey guys! i've had a lot of fun designing characters lately, so i've decided to create a semi-open species!

i'll be releasing a design guide, but basically, there are two variants, one open, one closed. the closed variant will be obtainable through adopts and character comms from me for now, whereas you are more than welcome to make one of the open ones!

the species is called blight newts, a race of amphibian dragon-like creatures with mock avian traits, aquatic type and noxious type. Aquatic Blights are the open variant and feature larger tails, larger membrane spines for swimming, and a larger, more aquatic-suited tail. They live in marsh and deep jungle areas, mostly in water. Noxious Blights have mock avian wings made of the slick membrane and can glide with them (though they cannot fly), smaller tails, and smaller membrane spines. They live in trees in the same climates and more often than not do not spend extended periods of time in the water.

I hope you guys like them!

look out for the design guide soon!

things aren't going so well rn but i'm trying

would you guys rather see me stream sober or high?

This [noun] is a ball jointed doll

My lovely angels, gods, other non humans and friends please remember to care for yourselves <3

Even though other may not understand the feeling and snap to judge, that they do not matter to us but to their own species (I was watching something earlier and he was so rude 😔)

You’re so beautifully you and you deserve nourishment, love and acceptance

my wings are so soft and warm... i couldn't ask for a softer embrace, nothing short of the comforting touch of my lover

they're fragile.. sensitive... delicate

so I made this post about my angel wings, talking about what they're like in a space where I'm safe to. it's meant to be pure and completely nonsexual, specifically because I can't stand the thought of my angelic features being sexualized. it just feels wrong and gross.

i checked back in a few minutes ago and my post has had a "potentially mature content" filter put on it. like wtf?