🖤fuck off im cute🖤

Sticking a landing will royally fuck up your joints and possibly shatter your ankles, depending on how high you’re jumping/falling from. There’s a very good reason free-runners dive and roll. 

Hand-to-hand fights usually only last a matter of seconds, sometimes a few minutes. It’s exhausting work and unless you have a lot of training and history with hand-to-hand combat, you’re going to tire out really fast. 

Arrows are very effective and you can’t just yank them out without doing a lot of damage. Most of the time the head of the arrow will break off inside the body if you try pulling it out, and arrows are built to pierce deep. An arrow wound demands medical attention. 

Throwing your opponent across the room is really not all that smart. You’re giving them the chance to get up and run away. Unless you’re trying to put distance between you so you can shoot them or something, don’t throw them. 

Everyone has something called a “flinch response” when they fight. This is pretty much the brain’s way of telling you “get the fuck out of here or we’re gonna die.” Experienced fighters have trained to suppress this. Think about how long your character has been fighting. A character in a fist fight for the first time is going to take a few hits before their survival instinct kicks in and they start hitting back. A character in a fist fight for the eighth time that week is going to respond a little differently. 

ADRENALINE WORKS AGAINST YOU WHEN YOU FIGHT. THIS IS IMPORTANT. A lot of times people think that adrenaline will kick in and give you some badass fighting skills, but it’s actually the opposite. Adrenaline is what tires you out in a battle and it also affects the fighter’s efficacy - meaning it makes them shaky and inaccurate, and overall they lose about 60% of their fighting skill because their brain is focusing on not dying. Adrenaline keeps you alive, it doesn’t give you the skill to pull off a perfect roundhouse kick to the opponent’s face. 

Swords WILL bend or break if you hit something hard enough. They also dull easily and take a lot of maintenance. In reality, someone who fights with a sword would have to have to repair or replace it constantly.

Fights get messy. There’s blood and sweat everywhere, and that will make it hard to hold your weapon or get a good grip on someone. 

A serious battle also smells horrible. There’s lots of sweat, but also the smell of urine and feces. After someone dies, their bowels and bladder empty. There might also be some questionable things on the ground which can be very psychologically traumatizing. Remember to think about all of the character’s senses when they’re in a fight. Everything WILL affect them in some way. 

If your sword is sharpened down to a fine edge, the rest of the blade can’t go through the cut you make. You’ll just end up putting a tiny, shallow scratch in the surface of whatever you strike, and you could probably break your sword. 

ARCHERS ARE STRONG TOO. Have you ever drawn a bow? It takes a lot of strength, especially when you’re shooting a bow with a higher draw weight. Draw weight basically means “the amount of force you have to use to pull this sucker back enough to fire it.” To give you an idea of how that works, here’s a helpful link to tell you about finding bow sizes and draw weights for your characters.  (CLICK ME)

If an archer has to use a bow they’re not used to, it will probably throw them off a little until they’ve done a few practice shots with it and figured out its draw weight and stability. 

People bleed. If they get punched in the face, they’ll probably get a bloody nose. If they get stabbed or cut somehow, they’ll bleed accordingly. And if they’ve been fighting for a while, they’ve got a LOT of blood rushing around to provide them with oxygen. They’re going to bleed a lot. 

Here’s a link to a chart to show you how much blood a person can lose without dying. (CLICK ME) 

If you want a more in-depth medical chart, try this one. (CLICK ME)

It is not the prettiest but here is a little chart I made of skin tones.

So, let me guess— you just started a new book, right? And you’re stumped. You have no idea how much an AK47 goes for nowadays. I get ya, cousin. Tough world we live in. A writer’s gotta know, but them NSA hounds are after ya 24/7. I know, cousin, I know. If there was only a way to find out all of this rather edgy information without getting yourself in trouble…

You’re in luck, cousin. I have just the thing for ya.

It’s called Havocscope. It’s got information and prices for all sorts of edgy information. Ever wondered how much cocaine costs by the gram, or how much a kidney sells for, or (worst of all) how much it costs to hire an assassin?

I got your back, cousin. Just head over to Havocscope.

((PS: In case you’re wondering, Havocscope is a database full of information regarding the criminal underworld. The information you will find there has been taken from newspapers and police reports. It’s perfectly legal, no need to worry about the NSA hounds, cousin ;p))

I cannot stress this enough. That shit helps A LOT when it comes down to Paypal refunds/disputes. There’s a description box that let’s you put in what the product is/how long it’ll take/yadda yadda, and then there’s another little memo box that only you and paypal can see where you can say it’s a digital commission and doesn’t require shipping (So Donald Mcfuck can’t say that they never got their commission). And there’s also a box for your Terms & Conditions where you can say, if you have any conflicts/want a refund - email me, or you can actually tell the user that this is a digital commission and they won’t be getting a hard copy of it.

However! Totally manageable. Just go to your PayPal, scroll down to find Seller Preferences

>> Shipping Preferences

>> Display Ship Button. Make sure all the boxes are unchecked. Then you’re all set!

ISJJAJA SHE WAS SO FUN TO DRAW!! 😭💜🖤

Voltaire’s music is great for when you’re relaxing in your velvet-lined coffin sipping red wine from a human skull

okay here are my nominations for the category Goth Mushroom:

earth tongues (Geoglossum sp.) - produce black club-shaped fruiting structures on soil or decaying wood

devil’s fingers (Clathrus archeri) - a species of stinkhorn, which bursts from an egg-like peridium. stinkhorns produce a foul smell to attract spore spreading insects.

dark velvet boletes (Tylopilus formosus) - a bolete species, meaning it has spore-producing pores rather than gills. as this species rots it changes from matte purple-black to a spongy, wet, entirely black specimen, which smells of rotting fish.

black trumpets (Craterellis cornucopioides) - an edible mushroom species, also known as ‘trumpet of the dead’ or black chanterelles

white basket fungus (Ileodictyon cibarium) - another stinkhorn species. this species is edible before it bursts from its egg-form, and upon bursting it produces an alien-like structure. one of its Māori names is tūtae kēhua (ghost droppings).

witch’s hats (hygrocybe sp.) - initially a glossy orange/yellow, this species’ cap turns to a matte black as it matures, yet the gills remain a striking yellow.

Entoloma melanocephalum - just had to include my tradgoth queen 🖤 simple, elegant, pure goth.

bleeding tooth (Hydnellum peckii) - a toothed fungus, notable for the way the young specimens ‘bleed’ bright red droplets, which contain a pigment known to have anticoagulant properties.