Introducing Male Chastity Play
My name is Ella, I am 36 years old and I work for an insurance company. My husband, deliberately not named, is 37 years old and works as a senior engineer. We have been happily married for 12 years, with two daughters, and I am created this site to share my experiences and advice for Tease and Denial and Male Chastity. (If you are not married, please mentally replace husband with boyfriend when reading this website, it all applies just the same.) As you are reading this website, I am assuming your husband or boyfriend has told you that he wants to try something called male chastity play with you, or you have heard about it somewhere and have suggested it to him. Either you have found this website through a search engine, or you have been sent the link. Your first reaction probably was surprise. Why would he want chastity? What does he want me to do?
Step 1: relax! When you read through these paragraphs (I kept it short, I promise!) you will understand why chastity is a fun, exciting idea for the two of you to try. You may find it’s simply that - a fun game to spice things up in your sex life. You may also find that male chastity brings a new closeness and renewed desire to you as a couple. Before you continue reading, make sure you have nothing else planned for a little while and that you are not distracted by anything. Relax, take your time, and try to be as open-minded as you can.
To get started, I recommend reading this 101 article. You will need to make notes - digitally or on paper, as to do this properly there are some things you need to choose and then write down.
After this 101, I do recommend you read through subsequent articles linked here, as there is more detail on some key topics, and the more you know, the better you will be at this!
But… First, what is male chastity play?
Simply put, the man uses a so-called chastity device to lock his penis, and then he gives the key to his partner, making her what is called a “keyholder”. Chastity devices are sex toys made of plastic or metal that lock around the penis, making it impossible for him to masturbate or get an erection. In chastity play, the keyholder (you) has the power to decide when to unlock the device and when to allow him sexual pleasure. That can be five times a day or five times a year. The ‘game’ of it is the transmission of ‘power’ regarding his sexual pleasure.
You may not typically be the ‘dominant’ sexual partner in the relationship, but in chastity play it is essential that you assume this position - even if you are just acting or role-playing initially until it becomes the norm. He is not giving you inanimate metal keys - he’s giving you possession to his sexual release and the position of power. Enjoy it! Embrace it and take charge.
I have always felt that being well informed about something enables you to do it well. There is a lot on the internet on chastity, and there are several internet forums and chat rooms which seem to start up and die down as people move around. I have communicated over the years with over two dozen wives who keep their husbands locked. I have met several of them in person and the one thing they all agreed on was that the benefits of chastity for their husbands were incredible. It may amaze you, as it did me, to find out that so many men and women use chastity as part of their relationship, really more than you could imagine. There was a Canadian newspaper article in 2019 stating that 6% of men are caged with the key given to their wife. This just goes to show that male chastity is less rare than you probably thought and there is a lot of it being practiced, probably by some of your girlfriends.
There are two major types of chastity - ‘play’ and ‘lifestyle’. Play is relatively short term and used as part of sex play and diversity. Short term, in my view, falls into the category of 2-week to 3-month lock ups. This is where most couples’ chastity journeys start. It’s vital that the first lockup is at least 2-3 weeks, and is 24 hours a day for that period. Read why here. No ‘nighttime only’ or ‘daytime only’ - the lockup period must be erection and orgasm free.
Even in short term play, chastity has to be a 24/7 thing. 24/7 is the foundation; it is the most positive/enjoyable/effective because the cage is a constant reminder about the power exchange. Most of the day, the male will forget about it and only be subconsciously aware that anything is different. However when they do get a tingle of sexual excitement - for whatever reason, Boom - they are reminded that their erections (and more importantly, sexual release) belongs to you. That’s what’s fun about Tease and Denial (T&D). Life goes on as it always has, employment, financial, family issues and decisions are all still there. But it’s a little secret you two share - a fun, slightly ‘naughty’ way to mix up the relationship’s ‘sexual dominance’.
What are the benefits of Male Chastity?
The motivation why a couple would want to begin with male chastity play is straightforward: It is simply a sexual fantasy or sexual experimentation to mix things up. With the dramatic rise in popularity in chastity play over the last five years - with story arcs in mainstream media (Californication), articles in The Independent, Cosmopolitan, Vice…), it may have piqued their interest as something fun to try.
he large global movement called “Locktober” is practically everywhere, and is an entry point for many males and females who want to experiment in this way.
Or it is a matter of circumstance that allows for a different style of sexual ‘play’ - long distance relationships, work trips or other reasons where vanilla lovemaking is limited/not possible.
For males, chastity play can be very VERY exciting. For the male, chastity play is about having a relationship where male orgasms are limited but erotic heat is abundant. As part of the game, he is giving up something that is a very standard part of a male’s life, his freedom to masturbate. Young men have an abundance of testosterone, so masturbation doesn’t seem to interfere with their pursuit of young women. However, as men grow older masturbating usually translates into the husband losing sexual desire for at least a couple days. Male masturbation can create an emotional barrier in relationships and allows a man to remain somewhat disconnected in a very selfish and self-serving way. Chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and works in many ways; it changes his mood, demeanor and libido.
Males in chastity will almost always have increased energy. Noticed he hits the gym more? Trimming the body fat? Need less sleep? More productive? Yup. Other changes will likely happen too. He will be more focused and task-oriented. Most importantly it changes his desire to please you. This is because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases, he will divert that energy towards pleasing you - especially if he has asked you to be his keyholder, rather than you coming up with the idea to keep him locked. His non-stop offers of massages and oral sex are a very welcome side effect of the redirection of his sexual energy.
What do I actually ‘do’ as a Keyholder?
Chastity is just that, chastity. There is no need to entertain other kinks your husband may have if you don’t want to. In fact, it is likely that your husband doesn’t even expect you to do anything more than hold his key. Just be yourself and do what you want. It doesn’t have to become a time sink and your life doesn’t need to revolve around your husband’s desire for chastity.
As counter-intuitive as it might sound, when you take away a man’s erections, orgasms and his ability to play with his cock whenever the mood strikes, he finds it very arousing. Chastity is a huge turn on.
The sexual frustration a chaste man feels is intense, so intense he experiences a euphoric high from the change of control. That is why a guy becomes super-focused on his partner and the extreme arousal coupled with sexual frustration is what makes the chastity game so much fun for couples to play. The more aroused a locked male stays, the more he likes it. Teasing is what keeps a guy’s arousal at high levels.
Being a keyholder involves:
1. Holding the keys and controlling when and how release takes place (see links)
2. Setting and communicating your keyholding rules at the start of the first lockup.
3. Teasing - to keep arousal in peak state throughout lockup.
Let’s look at some of this in more detail.
You don’t have to be an expert at sexual teasing or spend loads of time learning how to become one. Chastity with teasing keeps the arousal and positive energy / endorphins / oxytocin at ideal levels. Chastity without teasing will lead to frustration and grumpiness - pretty soon the game will be up.
So, teasing is essential to keep your husband’s arousal peaking, but there are plenty of simple ways to do that which don’t require a lot of time. It’s important to remember that you and not him will be the one making the (bedroom) decisions once he is locked. There are no fixed rules how often you should test him, unlock him or let him ejaculate, and chastity does not need to change your everyday life, certainly not outside of the bedroom. I would suggest you give it a try and then just go with the flow.
So how do you do ‘teasing’? I don’t mean making fun of him. We’re not in middle school. I mean turning him on, only it’s teasing because he can’t get hard, let alone have an orgasm. It’s the ultimate cock tease and it makes chastity play so much more satisfying for you and your man.
The great thing about male chastity play is how little effort it takes you, as the keyholder. My ideal teasing effort is 2-5 minutes a day, or every second day… mix it up. Make it a rule that he is not allowed to ask for it. In bed at night, roll over and tease for a bit. Then say goodnight. Other nights - do nothing, say nothing. That is half of the fun - for you and for him! Look at the list below and jot down some of the ones that appeal to you…
Some simple teasing ideas: 1: Non-physical - Talk about it: Talk about his chastity cage. Tell him you like how it looks, how tight it must be, how full his balls look… Ask him to show it to you as a ‘cage check’ at random times… The simple act of talking about it will drive him crazy! Men are hilarious. - Choose his underwear for him. Tell him to wear a particular color, or tell him to wear the tight white ones, the compression shorts, swimsuit… or no underwear today…whatever. You’re taking control, and that’s hot. - Tell him to sleep naked every now and again - Even wear some sexy outfits and parading around will drive him crazy!
2: Physical - Play with his balls. Even while locked, his balls are exposed, unless you have a full chastity belt where the balls are locked too. With his cock locked, his balls become infinitely more sensitive. Stroke / tickle to start, but then squeeze and pull. Then slap. Start slowly and build up the slapping in intensity, and tell him to tell you when to stop. Then start again..! Women are way too gentle with balls in general - most makes prefer far more rough play than they let on. Let him guide you if you are unsure.
- Play with the Cage: while most cages do a great job of making erections and orgasms impossible, playing with his cage is a great way to tease him. If it’s an enclosed cage (better in my view) then he will not be able to feel anything at all if you are stroking it - but he will imagine it and it will blow his mind. Any exposed parts will become hyper-sensitive, so touching them or poking/licking… you name it - will drive him the best kind of crazy.
- Kissing: It’s the fastest way to turn him on and he’ll never turn it down. Even though he knows his cock is going to ache because it can’t get hard, he loves to kiss. For added heat, hold his cage / balls while kissing.
- Body contact: Make him worship your body – This is an absolute must when he’s locked up. He craves your body. He craves you. Have him worship it. Have him kiss you all over. Have him give you a massage.
- Nipple play: men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!
- Shower with him: Ask him to rub lotion on you or whatever you prefer. Being locked naked with you in the shower will blow his mind. - ‘Have and Hold’: If you want to unlock him as part of teasing, a fun one is to make him stand next to the bed or across the room, and unlock the cage. Once the cage is off, he is not allowed to touch his cock. He will almost certainly get hard. You carry on with reading or whatever you were doing and tell him to inform you when he has gone soft. Make the odd comment and watch to see how easily you can make him react. As soon as he is soft, tell him to relock the cage.
- Anal play: You may know that men have a P-spot near their prostate which is similar to the female G-spot, although most hetersexual males never use it. My husband is not into anal play, so I don’t have much experience there, but there are some incredible resources out there if it’s your cup of tea!
- Finally, if you want to play with his cock while unlocked as part of teasing, I’ll drop some notes on the ‘Release’ over here. Focus on edging and the touchless release (if you really want to give him a treat). Remember - teasing means no cumming. A little bit every day or every couple of days will form the foundation of your chastity play!
At the start of the first lockup, you need to set rules. Writing them down and send them to him on email or text message is the easiest. That way he has them at all times. And send them to him at work while he’s locked and you will really get him squirming! Or you can inform him in person. These are your rules and are not a discussion - he has asked you to be the keyholder, so he must play by your rules or you call the whole thing off.
The most typical rules for keyholders are as simple as this:
The Wife can choose the chastity device.
It’s not called a cock or penis or whatever when it’s locked. Come up with a name for his locked cock. Tell him that is what it is called from now on. The most common name is 'nub’, so feel free to use that. And it’s 'your’ nub, your balls etc, not his. Make sure he gets that right.
The Wife will hold the keys to the chastity device and will not make them accessible to the Husband.
The Wife decides when the Husband will be unlocked, allowed and erection, or allowed release. Separate the concept of 'unlock= orgasm or'unlock=erection’. In most cases it’s none of those.
The Husband will not ask for release and there will be no discussions about chastity unless the Wife brings it up. Infringements can be extending lockup or some other forfeit ;)
Chastity play will not intrude into the Wife’s daily life or restrict her own sexual satisfaction.
The couple will give chastity a try for at least 3 months. First timers should lockup for 3 weeks at least and then evaluate / discuss. The keyholder does not have to (and should not) tell the planned release date. Keep him guessing.
Give it a shot! You don’t have anything to lose, it may add a new level of intimacy to your relationship, and you will have a lot of fun doing it. I promise. Show your love to your husband, have sex freely and frequently, tease him, be playful and enjoy each other. The only thing you need to do is control is his ejaculations. Getting comfortable with male chastity can be challenging at first but it won’t be long until it becomes a normal everyday component of your relationship. Having talked to many women, the most common regret was that they didn’t start male chastity much earlier!
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