Suicide hurts. The outsiders of a suicide always wish they could turn the clock back, change the outcome. Â But, you cannot retrieve someone from suicide. Itâs done; itâs final, and it hurts.
Members of the military and former members of the military commit suicide at a rate of 22 per day, almost 1 per hour. Out of every five suicides in the United States, one of them is a veteran. Quite a few of them are over the age of 50, veterans of Vietnam and Desert Storm. The others are young, with their careers not even started. Most of them are enlisted.
The number of suicides in the general population of the United States has begun to increase. And this curse has hit the high school population again.
I served in the military. I wanted to be in the military since I was about 10 years old because I felt a faint calling, a small voice that told me to contribute. I felt as though the military was a service to America. I believe that many of those who commit suicide have similar feelings; they wanted to contribute and be part of a group. I also wanted to get away from the confines of my family and how everyone had labeled me, stereotyped me âconfined me.
Men and women who joint the military experience the highest highs and the lowest lows, patriotism and elation to betrayal and damnation. It can be a real buzz to be part of a good unit, especially when things work. But afterward, once the cheering dies out, and guys go their separate ways, the military members go like the lyrics of song by the Police: feel so low, so alone, so lonely. And they commit that irreversible act. It is often after the service, after the tour, after the high operations tempo that a member commits suicide.
I feel this pattern results from the brain wiring of a certain percent of the population. I know some of you donât agree, but I feel that many of the people pre-deposed to suicide are also many of the people pre-deposed to joining the military. This target audience, this population (one that I find myself in) we are not as afraid of death, but we are also inclined to taste the joys and pains of life. One could say we are emotional. Yes. We are emotional. Being emotional helps when you are in the military; It helps you get through training.
But we are also afraid to show our emotions. So we drink.
And often, not always, when young enlisted women and men try to get out of the military environment they find that the civilian world does not welcome them with amazement and respect. They find themselves in a land with less emotion, less patriotism, less zest. Civilians do not find it amazing that you were able to drive a five ton truck over mountainous terrain, or fire a dragon missile without instructions. Civilians do not respect that you were able to get supplies brought into Afghanistan through Pakistan, while militants bombed the convoys and closed routes. So, our military members and former military women and men are perplexed by civilians. And civilians look at some of us and think âget a real jobâ.
Black, Hispanic, White, whatever. Rich or poor. The military experience knows no color. The inclination to serve knows know economic background. We are all affected. And members of every race, creed and color have committed suicide in this latest plague.
I just read an article about a young woman, Madison Holleran, a student the University of Pennsylvania who committed suicide. She was a track star and a potential academic stand-out who does not seem to fit the mold of the enlisted military members who commit suicideâexcept, perhaps she was. She was trying to contribute, please society by attending an upscale university. She wanted to do something but was having a hard time. In truth, such performance was just was not in her. She was not a super-star. She was just a girl. And so, she was like members of the military who find themselves let-down, depressed.
If you or anyone you know finds yourself in depression, I hope you get help from someone who tells you that you are enough. You do not need to prove anything, contribute anything or be a member of some unit or another. You are enough the way you are. Millions and billions of us on this planet just trying to get along, much less contribute to the greater good. We should love one another. We should establish a ground floor of emotion that supports one another. If any of you are in the military or were in the military, I hope you know that what you did is enough. Your being there was enough. And that many of those who have gone before you felt the way you feel: confused, lost and even depressed. But we find a way to move on, partially by lowering our expectations. It is enough just to live and be a member of society. We do not have to be war heroes, saviors or academic stars. We are enough.