gay brainrot disguised as character analysis™

maybe part of that is because nathan isn't as great as he seemed at first. maybe he's dismissive or judgmental of john's responsibilities as a hero and isn't interested in the sweeter, lesser known parts of john. maybe he's very focused on john's physical looks and his strengths and he's dismissive of john's struggles. like john has a bad ocd day and it takes him a bit to get out of the house so he's late and despite his explanation, nathan just gets on john about being late and "not caring." or john mentions something is a ptsd trigger for him and nathan tells him to just get over it. but bob doesn't. if john texts bob about any of these issues, bob will drop everything to talk to john until he's okay.

it only escalates when john finally admits that he's dating a man and brings nathan back to the tower to meet the team. now bob knows that john is attracted to men and he's chosen a man who isn't bob. and maybe bob hasn't really allowed himself to be attracted to men before or maybe he just hasn't been brave enough to come out to the team yet. so either he wishes he had (because maybe he would have had a chance) or he's having these conflicting feelings of oh my god why am i so jealous about a man?? either way bob is absolutely tormented.

this is when ava and yelena learn that bob has been interrupting john's dates because he advances to straight up sabotage. he hides john's good shirts. he sets the microwave on fire right before john is supposed to leave. he goes into the common area when john and nathan are in there and says he's just grabbing a snack but is as loud as humanly possible in the snack bar. when he sees that john bought condoms, bob steals the entire pack so him and nathan can't do… whatever they were going to do. and then his mental health goes off the deep end at the very idea of john having sex with another man and it ends up causing john to once again ditch him and nathan's plans to support bob instead.

yelena and ava try to talk to bob but he insists that he has no feelings for john. he's not intentionally ruining john's dates. it's a coincidence that his mental health is deteriorating the longer john stays in this relationship. they try to get bob to be honest but it's clear he's not even being honest with himself. either he won't admit that he likes john or he won't admit he likes men period. meanwhile, nathan is starting to reach his limit. he's sick of john ditching their dates because of bob. he wants Strong Sexy Masculine john that he met in the gym, not this loverboy who brings him flowers and talks about his mental health and leaves in the middle of dates to save total strangers and run to bob's side.

eventually, bob does try to stop. he tries to get himself to leave john alone and somehow, that hurts more than any shitty thing nathan has ever said to john. all john wants is bob back. he wants bob's random texts and his interruptions and his little smile when john gets home. but he gets nothing. bob has completely disconnected from him. at least until the Big Thing happens. some villain shows up (never ask me who) and bob gets knocked out somehow. he wakes up and the rest of the team is gone and no one will answer their phones so he calls john, his voice heavily shaking. he says he can't remember what happened and he doesn't know where anyone is and he's scared. john immediately gets up to leave. nathan is done. he's done with the superhero shit. he's done with the bob shit. he tells john that if he leaves, they're over.

john leaves.

he finds bob and helps him with his head injury and manages to make contact with the rest of the team. they're fine and he catches up to them to take down the villain. they save the day and afterward, john goes back to bob. he sits down with bob to check on him and make sure that his injury isn't too severe. while he's checking bob's eyes, bob apologizes for ruining his date. john shrugs and says there won't be any more. bob starts to blame himself but john quickly notes that nathan was an asshole from the start, john just couldn't see it until he tried to make john choose him over bob. and john will always choose bob. of course he'll choose bob. bob is nothing but heart eyes.

„Sir, first I want to apologize, the pic-“

„Shut your mouth.“ At least Bob's firm tone lets him drop this ridiculous act. “I don‘t care for my student's free time, it is simply not of my concern but this? We both know how a phone works. Would it have hurt you to double check before you pressed send?“

“I didn‘t thought that-„

„And that is the point of the misery Mister Walker. You don‘t think! Do you know in how much trouble this could get you, me?!“

„Sir I-“

„No you don‘t get a say in this. You messed up and you will have to live with the consequences. Our private study sessions are over.“

„No please professor I‘m so sorry. I‘ll do anything, you can take my phone and smash it on the concrete or whatever but I need the extra lessons.“

„Actually you don‘t. The progress you have already made is more than enough to pass my finals in two weeks. You don‘t need me anymore.“

„That is not true professor.“ Bob can‘t say if it's the pronunciation or the innocent look John throws at him, whatever it is, it makes his blood boil some more. He could swear in the milliseconds he needs from his desk over to John he sees red pink.

„Listen to me now kid. Whatever you think this is, forget it. The only thing I offered you was my knowledge, nothing more nothing less. This will stop right now. You will only ask me subject related questions, you will not text me, you will not come to my house. You are my student and that's it, understand?“

„Professor please I‘m-„

„Do you understand?“

„Yes Sir I understand I‘m still sorry I didn't want it to turn out this way.“

„Ah yes Johnathan Walker didn‘t get what he wanted, welcome to adulthood.“

„Don’t pretend you know anything about me, this is not fair!“

„Nothing in this world is, get used to it.“

John's mouth opens and closes a couple of times. The following smash of the door is so loud that Bob flinches in his spot. This was the right thing to do. This mantra is the only thing letting Bob survive the next two weeks. He is counting the days until the exam and John will be a student he will randomly pass in the halls and nothing more.

--------------

To not raise any suspicion Bob took the invitation of the head coach to attend the last game before summer break. A friendly play against the partner university from the other side of the state.

He swore to himself he would not look, wouldn‘t observe but that was so much easier said than done. The music starts to play and Bob needs exactly five seconds to spot the blond waves peeking out of the helmet. He doesn't understand a single ounce of football, he is not listening to the other professor trying to bite his ear off. His focus is solely on John's broad shoulders, the pads making him look like a damn wardrobe.

John's team is four points behind when the half time gets announced and the players take a seat on the benches to watch the performance of the cheerleaders. Bob can‘t miss John's look, piercing through him the second he takes his helmet off. Not paying the cheerleaders in their short skirts any mind.

As the game continues John's team is able to score two more points but so does the opposite team. In the end it stands 28 to 31 and Bob leaves as fast as the crowd allows it. He knows himself too well, so retreat is the safest option.

Back inside the walls of his own home he curses under his breath, papers and books land on the floor. He must have forgotten to stack his supplies up. He hates to call Ted so late at night especially on a weekend, he always insisted on smoking one together or taking something else. But you just can‘t say no to your dealer, that's not how it works. But Bob won‘t make it without the weed so he grabs his phone, horrified to find out that he has gotten a text message.

„You‘ve been staring an awful lot for someone who just wanted to help out his student ☺️.“ Bob is ringing with himself, should he text back, if yes what does he have to offer? A ding annouches another text.

„I feel so bad that we lost, maybe you could use those tricks of yours to make me feel better? 😏“ Okay thats it, in the matter of a heartbeat John's number is blocked, for now or forever. It should be forever.

Bob makes the call he intended to and finds himself half a block down the street on Ted's couch.

„Do you still have trouble with sleeping?“

„I have trouble with basically everything.“

„Yeah whatever, my friend got his hands on these new pills, wanna try them?“

Not a question, Ted simply looks for someone to test them on before he sells them to his other customers.

„Give me one now, and enough for the next week, I'll let you know if they work.“

Ted takes a drag from the bong and hands it over to Bob. „Dude I never understood why you don‘t prescribe yourself some meds.“

„If it would be that easy every psychologist would be high basically every day. Also I‘m teaching, not practicing.“ Bob takes his turn and finally feels how the weed kicks in, his muscles and most importantly his brain calming down.

With a cup of water in hand Ted comes back from the kitchen and Bob drowns the pill without asking another question. The ring of the doorbell lets him jolt like a stray cat that's getting honked at. „Chill it's just a guy who needs some.“

„Good to know that your stack lasts, some of you come around every two weeks.”

John hands Ted the money and Bob stands up approaching the door. „Yo no second round tonight?”

„Sorry Ted, next time.”

The sun had already settled, it was still hot and humid, the streets illuminated by the lampposts covering the city in a warm yellow gloom.

“Walker, stop.” The distance between them is small enough that Bob doesn’t have to shout. John could have been gone at this point, he chose that slow pace on purpose. When he is in John's reach he tugs him by the neckline of his muscle shirt. „You and I have a talk, now.“

Bob practically drags John the few remaining steps to his house, the second they are inside and the door secures them from the world, Bob can‘t hold it in any longer, fisting John's shirt as if that might bring him back to his senses. „Are you out of your mind kid? You drink, smoke and then you take pills?!“

John raises his arms in defiance or annoyance; it becomes hard for Bob to tell. „Chill, it's just adderall, and it's not like I‘m taking a lot.“

„That doesn't matter, you are frying your brain, kid.“

„Stop calling me kid, I‘m 26!” The little push he directs at Bob throws him off balance yet he manages to push John right against the wall. „You are still my student and I-“

Bob didn‘t even realize that he fisted John's shirt; he also missed John's cocky grin. He has to take a step back, the room slowly begins to blur and his knees go weak.

„Professor? Are you not feeling well?“ John's voice is filled with genuine concern, already leaping forward to catch Bob before he can fall to the ground, placing him on the couch. John hastily shuffles to the kitchen and offers Bob a glass of water who declines it with a scuff.

„Just leave Walker, we talk about this at-“ The couch gives in to John's weight and Bob's breath gets stuck in the back of his throat. His student was now straddling his lap, his hand wandering to Bob's forehead.

„Well it's not a fever.“ Bob stills completely as John's hand wanders further down, his fingers gently resting under the bags of Bob's eyes and he swears he can feel how John's hips thrust, just slightly but noticeable. „Eyes are fine either, no stroke.”

And now they go down all the way to Bob's chin which gently gets tilted back. „No prominent veins.“ There is no reason for John to bring his face so close to Bob's skin.

For a second John hesitates. His movements stop altogether until there is a small distant whimper and something hard pressing against his thigh. His sign to continue what he is doing.

With his eyes closed Bob searches for something to hold onto and finds the hem of John's shirt as a result. „Walker, shit, stop.“ Bob's mind is empty at this point, no proper vocabulary left. He hears some moans from above, still not able to open his eyes. „John please we can‘t do this.“

The sheer reason why John is doing everything but stopping? None of those words leave Bob's mouth, they stay in the far back of his head. What John hears instead are more groans and sweet sweet whimpers that give him the feeling that he is doing everything right.

What spurs him on even more is the fact that his professor's hands unintentionally grab into the side of his tummy feeling up his abs. John was in heaven and so was Bob for now.

Bob's body and mind caved in, let go. He is not grinding back but he wishes he could. Everything Bob can do now is take it, and hope that he forgets about it tomorrow. But how? How is he supposed to forget how deep John's moans sound, how muscular and at the same time soft he feels? How is he supposed to forget the feeling of John's skin on his own?

The grief turns Bob's grunts into small cries and John? He is picking up even more speed and most importantly more pressure. One of his hands grips Bob's hips like a vice and with a sharp cry Bob simply blacks out.

It is still dark outside when he shoots up. Unfortunately the effect of the pills wasn‘t as long lasting as Bob secretly hoped. Once the fog in his brain has lifted his eyes widened falling first onto the glass of water still sitting on the coffee table. He moved his leg just slightly and that was enough for him to bring him back into the brutal, present reality.

Tears rolled down his face in heavy streams because again he sat in the hell of his own making. Again he made inexcusable mistakes but this time it is worse. For the first time he is dragging someone along with him.

"Thats not what I meant. You are not getting sick are you?" Gods, why does he have to sound so concerned?

"No, I guess it's just the finals." John shrugs and Professor Reynolds invites him in. Not once taking his eyes away from John. His posture is slouched and his hair disheveled.

As they sit down in their usual spots Bob still can't look away from John's face. He clearly hasn’t shaved in days, his jaw clenching every time he finishes a sentence. "You should have called, really you are making so much progress you deserve some rest." Bob's words are sincere and so is the gesture coming with it. He cups John's hand with his in an attempt to reassure him, to sooth him.

As if John has been struck by lightning a faint smile appears on his lips. "I tried Professor but I couldn’t." Becoming painfully aware of what Bob just did he pulls his hand away and with it the smile disappears as well.

"Well then… Did you work on the extra assignment I gave you?" John neatly spreads his notes on the table and forces his eyes to stay open while Professor Reynolds reads through them. "They are good. Really good Walker. Just a small note. You have to understand that whenever we talk about needs and desires they don’t have to revolve around anything sexual."

"Can you uhm explain that to me again Professor?"

"Let's take a newborn for example. A baby does not feel the need to be sexually involved in anything of course. They only feel the need for physical connection such as cuddling and the need to survive which is provided by their mother or rather the parents."

This is exactly what John was amining for. Professor Reynolds showers him in one example after another and John can take his sweet time browsing over his face, counting the grey stubbles, the wrinkles at the side of his eyes and…

"Mister Walker, are you even listening?" John straightens his back immediately, his face turning red from his cheeks all the way up the tips of his ears. Word stumbling out of his mouth.

"Yes of course Professor. I did. I did listen."

"Then tell me what the needs of a six year old are." Damn it, now he has been caught off guard, no possibility of talking himself out this time. Instead of scolding him or kicking him out his Professor's eyes soften, at him, his eyes soften, at John.

"I’m sorry Sir, I didn't want to be rude."

"You know what Mister Walker? It's okay." Bob stands up and a wave of panic floods John's nervous system.

"Sir, I don't want to leave just yet. I don’t have anything planned today."

"I didn’t say we are done. Did I?"

"No Sir." Without getting a chance to protest Bob pulls John's shoulders back, keeping him in a firm grip against the back of the chair. John is beyond flabbergasted, never would he have dreamed that those hands are so strong.

Carefully Bob starts to knead and John is in heaven his eyes fluttering at the erasing tension. "How is practice going these days?"

"Pffft. The coach is up my ass. Lets me repeat every throw, even the ones I did right. Oooohh."

"Did that hurt?"

"Yes but please, god, don’t stop."

"Don’t worry, I won’t. And what are your plans after graduation? You wanna become a state player?"

"I honestly still don’t know yet. Jesus, where did you learn how to do that?"

"I had a friend back in college. He majored in physiology, he showed me a trick or two."

"Remind me to thank him for that." John bites down on his bottom lip to suppress an upcoming moan. The last thing he wants is to embarrass himself some more. 

"What do you mean with "you don’t know"? You only have one year left and I’m sure auditions start in November."

"Yeah I know I know. My parents make sure that I don’t forget about that. Can you do that thing with your thumb again?" Bob does what he has been asked for and John nearly blacks out. Murmuring a holy shit under his breath.

"Sorry to hear that."

"No it's okay. They just want what's best for me. That's how parents are."

"Yeah, I guess so."

They stop the talking altogether and John drowns in Professor Reynolds' hands almost crying out loud when he stops. 

"It's getting late Walker, we are finished for today. Go, get some rest." With his head still dizzy John needs a few seconds to gather his thoughts. His breath hitches the second his vision clears. Shit, normally he was able to hold himself back until he was back in his room. 

With trembling hands he hastily packs his stuff and heads for the door. 

"See you around Professor, thank you for the lecture!"

Back in his room and after he got rid of his boner John lays in his bed, eyes fixated at the ceiling. His mind is racing with school, future plans and of course Professor Reynolds. The hours pass and his alarm clock strikes 2am when he abandons the sheets and sits down at his desk. If he can’t sleep he can at least use this time for something useful. The only problem was that yes he couldn’t sleep but he also couldn’t concentrate.

Not even giving it a second thought he yanks open the drawer and takes the bottle of pills out. He got them at the beginning of the school year because everyone uses them. Till this night it sat in his drawer completely untouched so a single try is reasonable right?

Back then he was told that two are enough but John is a grown man, three will do the trick just fine. About one and a half hour later John regrets it, deeply, writing a mental note to never use adderall ever again or maybe next time he should listen and don’t overdo it.

He is gripping the sink in the small bathroom like it could save him. His heartbeat is so rapid that he can hear it in his ears. With deep in and exhales he manages to calm himself down and the intended effect kicks in but not where it is supposed to.

Now he has the hem of his shirt in his mouth, the lens of his phone shutters once, twice, until he is satisfied with the result. His face is not in the picture but that doesn't matter. It is all or nothing now, he can’t keep up with this, whatever this is. He presses send without wasting a second to think about the consequences.

"Hey sweets here is the pic I promised. The next one is waiting already for you 😉"

The first hook appears, then the second and finally they turn blue. Leaving no doubt that he has seen it. John patiently waits a couple of minutes but there is no response coming in. He quietly shuffles around his room looking for his refillable water bottle.

Back in the bathroom he pulls his pants and boxers down low enough to let his cock spring free, holding the water bottle right next to it and takes another picture.

"You don’t have to be shy with me, maybe this one will get you going 😏"

When the three dots appear John's heart almost dares to jump out of his chest.

"Mister Walker, I have to inform you that you have used the wrong chat apparently."

He prepared to type back but the three dots appeared yet again.

"Monday 7:30 in my office. We need to talk."