I really just wanna watch black snake moan if I’m gonna die

I’ve lost major track of how many pills I’ve taken at first to calm down and thenbecause I’m in actual pain and then to try to sleep but nothing made me sleep and now I’m thinking how many more could it possibly take it’s been so many of Son many kinds I could keep going it could even be an accident.

My stomach burns. All I want is a cigarette. So fucking bad.

I know nobody will be reading this. And I don’t even care. I’m laying in a hospital bed in emerg. I tried to kill myself, for the first time. When I say for the first time, it’s because it isn’t really the first time. I tried a few when I was a teenager but back then I just wanted help. I say I tried to kill myself for the first time because I was really trying to kill myself. I want to die. I want this to end. And now I’m stuck in the absolute last place I ever wanted to be. I’m scared. I’m alone. Hopeless.

I search this tag, sitting on my bathroom floor crying and bleeding. I wish so bad that someone would help me help myself but I still won’t let them when they try. This compulsion says I’m not allowed. And I see all of the pain that so many other people are in. In a way it makes it worse, makes me cry harder but I know I’m not alone. I want to say I’m so sorry. I can feel it, I know it. You’re not alone either.