Doesnotfitinbox

Ever since i started taking this diversity class at uni , i realised how much  i was taught to judge based upon the outside. i feel like i am not discriminative of those who are different than me .  However as I stood at the registers of my part time job extremely tired from revising for this diversity test i was extremely judgemental based upon a fear. I was raised from young to appreciate my own race and ethnicity and that my ethnicity is only one I should fall in love with. Despite this, i date an Aussie , who is an atheist .  So when I see a mixed race relationship I don’t judge them because I don’t agree with what they are doing i just understand how hard it is for some families to accept what not same as them. The fact that my boyfriend is an Aussie shouldn’t be a big issue but it is . According to my family, I’m breaking tradition . Then I realised I’m not judging but admiring  wishing i could feel confident in having my relationship feel valued and respected. Does this make a bad person ?

BECAUSE of my mental illnesses If I could go back In time to when I first lost my first friend because of this I would. Like I wouldn’t even weigh up the pros and cons. I’d go back ,find that person and apologise like mad. Because this guilt of not being able to control or fix it is too much to.handle. IM SORRY I DIDNT GIVE YOU PEOPLE , high school people , you jordan, uni people, family,friends , work and whoever else us left the space and respect you deserved or needed or wanted. Your anger, disappointment, concern, annoyance and fear were all valid feelings. You were right to have them all and you are still right to have them now. Some of you were right to leave me behind ,as I did push you to far. However some of you gave just because you couldn’t be bothered . Most of you were too young to understand what was going on to help me. I forgive you all. This not me trying to win u back. I doubt ull ever see this. I don’t hate the fact you gave up ,I’m not angry that you left or that I left you . I’m angry i let it happen at all. I will forgive myself Caitlyn for what I put you through . You were always there for me I was just blinded by the pain and anger of our past . I’m sorry I did that to you. I wish I could take it back but you can’t change the past. I wish I knew what I could do to fix this . But overall it appeared I did the right thing in the long time it gave us a chance to heal . I love u all deeply I never stopped caring about u . Chrissy

BECAUSE of my mental illnesses If I could go back In time to when I first lost my first friend because of this I would. Like I wouldn’t even weigh up the pros and cons. I’d go back ,find that person and apologise like mad. Because this guilt of not being able to control or fix it is too much to.handle. IM SORRY I DIDNT GIVE YOU PEOPLE , high school people , you jordan, uni people, family,friends , work and whoever else us left the space and respect you deserved or needed or wanted. Your anger, disappointment, concern, annoyance and fear were all valid feelings. You were right to have them all and you are still right to have them now. Some of you were right to leave me behind ,as I did push you to far. However some of you gave just because you couldn’t be bothered . Most of you were too young to understand what was going on to help me. I forgive you all. This not me trying to win u back. I doubt ull ever see this. I don’t hate the fact you gave up ,I’m not angry that you left or that I left you . I’m angry i let it happen at all. I will forgive myself Caitlyn for what I put you through . You were always there for me I was just blinded by the pain and anger of our past . I’m sorry I did that to you. I wish I could take it back but you can’t change the past. I wish I knew what I could do to fix this . But overall it appeared I did the right thing in the long time it gave us a chance to heal . I love u all deeply I never stopped caring about u . Chrissy

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