Didums

I’ve been thinking about this last night and I don’t really think I do but I’ll just list the kinds of ships I like and maybe you or people who read this will find a pattern that I can’t see? Lol.

So I like my fair share of “ordinary” ships,  just happy, day-to-day, low-key ships but in which the two people are just so genuinely happy and in love:

I also like really angsty, soulful, transcendental, you have completely altered my life in the best possible way, once in a lifetime, passionate, life is beautiful ships:

I also really enjoy precious *SQUEE* my heart flutters, you two are ADORBZ ships:

I also enjoy just purely passionate, intense, emotional, breathless ships:

I also enjoy you shouldn’t work but you do and it’s glorious ships:

I also love it tears me up inside to love you relationships:

And I-actually-can’t-stand-you-but-I-also-love-you ships 

Calorie reduction with optimal nutrition. Learn your expected caloric intake by calculating your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) and factoring in your activity levels. There are many ways to do this on the internet. Here is a formula:

Women: BMR = 655 + ( 4.35 x weight in pounds ) + ( 4.7 x height in inches ) - ( 4.7 x age in years ) Men: BMR = 66 + ( 6.23 x weight in pounds ) + ( 12.7 x height in inches ) - ( 6.8 x age in years )

After you have done the math carefully (Follow the order of operations carefully. You should have an answer somewhere between 2-3000 or thereabouts.) Do the following calculation by using the above number, your BMR:

  Sedentary (little or no exercise): BMR x 1.2

  Lightly active (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/week): BMR x 1.375

  Moderately active (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/week): BMR x 1.55

  Very active (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days a week): BMR x 1.725

  Extra active (very hard exercise/sports & physical job or 2x training): BMR x 1.9

This will give you your expected calorie intake to remain exactly as you are. Now, to safely lose weight, you must cut that intake by anything from 250-500 calories NOT TO DIP BELOW 1300 calories per day. In that amount of calories, you must obtain all your necessary nutrition for the day. All your vitamins, proteins, fats, carbs and so forth.

That establishes the foundation. Do that for two weeks, keeping track of your calories using one of the many apps that exist for this. Eat smaller meals throughout the day to stave off the inevitable hunger and keep blood sugar even. This will help you avoid binging. Concentrate proteins into the night and carbs into the earlier day. Drink your alottment of water to help the body shed water weight it has been storing just in case.

At the end of this two weeks, recalculate the above equation. Why? Because your weight may have changed. This is the only time you should ever weigh yourself during this process.

Now, after recalculating the BMR and expected caloric intake, either raise your activity levels or diminish calories. Again you cannot dip below 1300 calories unless you know what you are doing. I suggest diminishing caloric intake in increments of 200. This is important: If you are just beginning to raise activity level or drop caloric intake DO NOT DO BOTH AT ONCE. Pick one and do that as your first attempt. You will have greater success.

Do this for two weeks. Do not weigh yourself until you come to the moment in which you need to recalculate your BMR and caloric intake. Now at your fourth week in, you can decide if eating less is something you can do, or if it is better to increase the activity levels, or if you feel comfortable doing both at once.

If you are at about 1500 calories a day and you are doing moderate to high activity, do not go any further. You simply need to maintain that. If you reach this or have maintained it in a time span longer than six months with no noticeable difference, you are either miscalculating or you have a medical condition and you need to go to the doctor and have tests run.

But why do I tell you not to weigh yourself? Because humans see weight as being important when in fact it isn’t. Muscle weighs more than fat and sometimes you have to put on muscle weight in order to burn off fat. Think about it. The muscle does the burning of fat. You need more of it to use up the fat reserves. So in your first weeks, you will gain more weight than you lose. This can be disheartening and lead you to completely erroneous assumptions about your body. It can make you feel contemptuous of your body. This discrepancy can actually lead to depression or stress, which can also cause the body to retain reserves. So weigh yourself only when it is important for necessary health calculations. Maximal healthy weight loss is about 5 pounds per week. If you are losing any more than this, consider more caution or a trip to a doctor, because this is not ideal. You can actually traumatize the body and create future problems with maintaining your weight if you do this.

To lose weight correctly, you have to think about your body as follows: It is a machine that evolved to carry and protect me. It holds on to things when it perceives there may be a lack. So I must give it the proper things to hold and convince it that it does not need those cheap resources, because there is no famine, no drought. I must show it that it has all it will need. I must fine tune and maintain it so that it runs with optimal efficiency. I must give it that tasks it evolved to do, so that it doesn’t spend energy on things that are unimportant. How heavy it is is irrelevant. It is not too heavy. It is as heavy as it ought to be for what I have done with it.

This is how you lose weight properly.

#1. Kala was never in love with Rajan.

The narrative of her storyline is entirely focused on that almost in a heavy-handed way, to the point that I really struggle to believe than anyone could think otherwise. There is just a huge amount of facts supporting this, spreading from the pilot itself to the last episode of Season 02. In 1x01, she confesses to Ganesha that the only reasons she is agreeing to marry Rajan are: society’s (misguided) opinion on him and, most importantly, her parents’ happiness. In 1x05, she feels like she is metaphorically drowning (she is seen panting heavily) and going to prison by entering this marriage, hence the connection with Sun giving away her dog to her teacher and Wolfgang being literally underwater. In 1x06, Wolfgang reveals that Kala was actually calling for him hoping that he would stop her wedding because she didn’t want to go through with it; later she tries to trick Rajan avoiding the truth by acting like she was “undeserving” of being married after what happened and hiding her actual feelings about it. In 1x07, she literally says that the wedding’s interruption was a blessing from her God. In 1x11, Wolfgang clarifies the way she feels about her upcoming wedding: as something “inevitable” and “fated” to happen because of how her world works (something he says he can never understand, which is true because of his European perspective on it). In 1x12, Wolfgang decides to close the door on Kala and pushes her to dive into this unwanted marriage because it would be the safer choice for her. She marries to Rajan against her will. In 2x01, we can see that Kala is actually trying her best to make this marriage work despite not loving Rajan, to the point that she builds a “fake image” of herself just to please him – remember the way she dressed up and put make up on during her birthday night? A clear sign that she was actually hiding her real self under that – and agrees to have sex (that is unwanted from her) with him out of her marital duty. At this point she believes that a future with Wolfgang is impossible because of his rejection, so she is willing to try to make a life with Rajan because she feels like it’s the only choice she has left not to disappoint her family and society – hence why she actually shuts down Rajan when he addresses her lack of feelings towards him. In the snowball scene with Wolfgang, though, she opens up with him and confesses that she feels like a bad person because she can’t bring herself to love Rajan (“we have to change… become better people”). In 2x04, she realizes that not only is she incapable of loving him, but also that she doesn’t even enjoy the fancy life in society that he can provide to her: this becomes evident in the gallery, where she realizes how out-of-place her real self is – remember the awkward head tilt before quickly putting herself together? – and it’s also confessed to Wolfgang right after; she tells him that what would make her truly happy is not what society expects from her but “something else” and that she is “only pretending to be a good person”, addressing again how she built a fake image for her husband and society to see and for her to hide behind. In 2x05, she confesses to her dad that what would make her truly happy would disappoint her family and hurt her husband. In 2x06, she lets out that she considers her marriage a duty (“every-day rules”) and that her feelings for Wolfgang are so powerful that whenever she is with him, everything else fades away and she “can’t be trusted with her (real) thoughts”; Wolfgang calls her marriage a pretense (“pretending isn’t a life”), tying with what he discovered in 2x04 about her fake persona. In 2x08, she talks with Will about her marriage in a very detached and unemotional way – and Kala is someone who always emotes freely and intensely – taking it as a duty or job to perform; he reads her emotions and clarifies that her problem is that she doesn’t love her husband. In 2x09, she expresses disgust and serious discomfort to the idea of having children with Rajan. In 2x10, she decides to put her own happiness above everyone else’s for the first time and agrees to follow her feelings (Wolfgang) and telling Rajan the truth. In 2x11, she confesses her love to Wolfgang and states that she wants a new life (Paris) just for the two of them, before genuinely and freely smiling for probably the first time in the whole show. All of these are facts and, as you can see, are a lot. How anyone can claim that she genuinely loves her husband is actually beyond my comprehension and indicates a serious misunderstanding of her whole storyline.

This is also extremely clear aside from the narrative perspective and focusing only on the character itself. Kala’s attitude and behavior with both Wolfgang and Rajan is completely different throughout all the show, which testifies how differently she considers both men and, most importantly, how oppressed she feels by her culture. She spends two entire seasons avoiding any kind of confrontation with Rajan because of cultural indoctrination and a deep fear caused by her submissive position in the marriage (with Rajan being the beholder of the cultural power and authority, as I will address later on). She never speaks up about what she actually thinks or feels to him until the infamous expired-drugs episode in 2x07 – which not-so-casually happens after the conclusion of her bravery awakening arc in mid-Season 02, a case of excellent character writing and follow-through. The oppression she feels from her culture and its morality prevents her from dealing face-to-face with letting down a wealthy, rich and socially rewarded man who decided she had to be his conquest (prize) – this is evident in many occasions, mainly in the 1x02 balcony scene, the 1x06 conversation about their wedding (where Kala displays a serious inability to engage in a honest conversation with Rajan because of cultural dynamics), and many moments in the Christmas Special. Rajan’s cultural and social dominance is pivotal in understanding why Kala gets fearful and hesitant whenever she is with him, almost making it look like she is a weak person. But the viewers know she really isn’t, because they manage to experience the Other Kala – the real Kala – that shows up every time she is not around Rajan. This version of Kala is firey, combative, courageous; she easily makes a bomb out of kitchen supplies to kill several people (1x12), she lets a restaurant table on fire out of pure anger (2x08) and causes a car to explode out of bright intelligence (2x11); she proves to have exactly zero hesitance in making last-minute blockers while the man she loves is being held hostage (2x11). This is the real Kala, and she is brave and resourceful and always comes out whenever she is not with Rajan. Why? Because she feels and has always felt psychologically pressured by her culture and in a position of cultural submission towards him. Kala’s real enemy – the real obstacle she had to overcome to reach happiness and embrace her real self (i.e. destroy the fake persona she had to play in her marriage) – was always her culture and the effect that it had on her. It’s also worth pointing out the relationship Kala has with her temple, which is the only place where she can be herself freely (before developing her bond with Wolfgang), and this is not-casually because it’s also the only place where she is unreachable to Rajan (whose family is not only anti-religious but also actively trying to shut down that very same place – a fitting metaphor for Rajan shutting down the real Kala in her daily life throughout all the show). And the temple ends up being exactly the place where she becomes reachable to Wolfgang (alongside with her bedroom and her bathroom, all intimate places which are forbidden to Rajan up to Season 01 but that are naturally accessible to Wolfgang). Kala actually engages in a deep relationship with him, opening up about herself and having plenty of honest conversations about the real her – her festival experience and relationship with science and religion (1x07), her actual feelings and fears (2x04, 2x06, 2x11), her opinion on his violent methods (2x10): deep topics that help establishing a trust-based bond with Wolfgang that is meant to contrast with the sincerity and depth that her relationship with Rajan lacks. This was a case of gorgeous and complex storytelling that completely got lost with the finale. At last, it’s also worth noting that Kala normally emotes freely and naturally, especially when with Wolfgang, but suddenly always appears distant and shut-down with Rajan, a clear sign that she feels very differently for the two of them.

#2. Kala and Rajan had a toxic relationship.

I seriously don’t understand how this came to be completely unnoticed by a huge side of the fandom, but there is almost everything about Kala’s relationship with Rajan that is toxic and unhealthy. They embody exactly what a marriage shouldn’t be. This is extremely clear since the very first moment, according to how their relationship starts. Rajan (her boss) spots her, decides he wants her and fills her (i.e. his employee’s) office with a huge number of flowers for everyone else to see, putting her in an extremely unfair position – she can’t turn him down because of many reasons at this point: 1) she could lose her job and have serious damage on her career, which she personally values a lot; 2) she knows her parents want her to get married, so she would let them down as well by rejecting him; 3) he has a too solid reputation and is regarded as a way too influent member of his society; 4) she would likely encounter public shame from her co-workers and society as a whole by turning down such a big gesture by such a kind man. This is also India, not Europe or America, and mentality plays a huge role in this case. She gets trapped in this situation from the very beginning. Then, in 1x02, we discover more details about their relationship: Rajan reveals he knows Kala “never ever looked at me, not once” and “can feel her hesitation”, but decided he didn’t care about this and that his selfish desire to have her was too important – “the only life I want to live in is one where we can be together”. He exploits his cultural dominance to get what he wants, something that he has basically by default because of being a wealthy man, hence the “my father thought me that fortune favors the bold”. He basically pushes Kala on with this wedding despite already knowing that she doesn’t feel for him what he feels for her and just being okay with the idea that she will grow accustomed to him, highlighting how her feelings actually don’t matter to him at all. This is also the first sign we get that he is not interested in knowing Kala as a person, but just in owning her as a possession to show off, because he doesn’t take her feelings and opinions into account. This happens again in 1x06 after the fainting episode in the first wedding ceremony, when he completely dismisses what Kala has to say about it as non-important by shutting her down and imposing his own view over hers (“Kala, Kala, slow down… for me I loved what happened […] it was a part of the story, I just hope it is not the end of our story”). He keeps pushing despite knowing she doesn’t feel comfortable with what happened. In 1x11, he confesses that at first he wanted her because she wasn’t a suitable choice for his father, which seriously puts an even worse light on Rajan as a person, since Kala became the target of a conquest caused just by an act of rebellion – this speaks about how little he actually values women in general, including Kala, and finally makes us understand why he doesn’t even care about Kala’s inner self (opinions, feelings, thoughts). This new discovery, combined with our knowledge that he knows from the beginning that Kala doesn’t feel for him, ends up establishing him as a manipulative man who keeps exploiting his cultural power to psychologically pressure her in entering the marriage and, after that, not leaving it. He is a slimy, disgusting person whose outwardly pleasant behavior hides his inner desire to get Kala as his personal prize for society to see. This will be evident in many other occasions to come as well. In the Christmas Special, for instance, he shows he doesn’t care about having even actual conversations with her, because he goes asking her mother about her virginity, disrespecting her and (again) displaying the condition of ownership that he feels he has on her: he doesn’t treat her as a person with agency, but as an object. It’s worth noting his reaction when he gets called out on this: at first, he instinctively laughs it off as something completely superfluous (i.e. proving his spontaneous reaction to be careless about Kala’s agency as a woman), but as soon as he realizes that this is making her angry, he suddenly gets worried about a possible break in their marital status and readily apologizes in a completely moronic and unbothered way (“Kala, I’ve been an ass, please just forgive me”). This highlights that he doesn’t apologize out of sincere understanding of what he did wrong, but rather out of the fear that this could anger her enough to walk away from their marriage – which is exactly the same dynamic that happens again in 2x07, after the expired-drugs talk. Things later in the episode get ever worse because he bribes her into sex by throwing her a giant party and buying her an expensive necklace, showing that he actually didn’t care at all about the conversation they had before and that, once again, Kala’s feelings on this matter were completely unimportant to him: he just cares about getting what he wants from her. This is an extremely unhealthy and toxic dynamic: Kala ends up engaging in sex unwanted from her because she feels she has to repay him for her birthday celebration and because she feels responsible for his dick incident. This is not consensual. Going on with 2x04, we see how Rajan acts with Kala in a public place in society, the art gallery: he pushes her from behind as if she is unable to walk by herself and as if he wants to show off what he has, he doesn’t even introduce her with her name (he just calls her “my beautiful wife” when introducing her to someone she doesn’t know, which is extremely disrespectful and dehumanizing). Ajay even makes quite a sexist comment that Rajan unapologetically laughs at while Kala is shown to be quite disturbed by. In 2x05, Kala tries to talk to Rajan about work, but he once again completely shuts her down and talks to her in a very patronizing way, as if she was a child who can’t understand things. In 2x07, the confrontation between the two on the expired drugs issue happens and we get to know that the only reason why Kala was given a promotion is because Rajan could profit from her work to engage in illegal activities without her knowing. Kala is obviously furious and he once again acts very poorly. The same dynamic from 2x01 returns, but this time in an even more disgusting way (“Kala, you are even more beautiful when you are upset”). Rajan’s spontaneous reaction is the same as it was in the Christmas Special: careless, unapologetic and blind to the serious damage of his behavior. He realizes once again that he pissed her off (and really badly this time, because she actually walked away from him), so what does he do later? He buys her flowers and acts as if suddenly he was aware of how wrong his business practices were up to this moment – with entire years without even being bothered by the minimum thought of it? Please – and basically tries to manipulate her once again into not leaving their marriage. These are not sincere apologies on his misbehavior (for which he should honestly go to prison). This is just the ultimate attempt to win her back by exploiting her good-hearted nature and awake her pity – which he actually succeeds at, because Kala’s final look at him is one of pity. Once again: man fucks up, buys things, gets rewarded with pity and forgiveness, and it all gets repeated. This is a toxic relationship, it’s basically the cycle of abuse (more so knowing that she doesn’t even love him). At last, in 2x11 she is finally ready to talk things through with him, and for the umpteenth time he shuts her down and makes it about him (1x06 much? This is how he has always related to her). This marriage was a complete disaster up to 2x11, with many unresolved issues and unhealthy dynamics. These spouses were strangers to each other: Rajan never cared about knowing Kala as a person because he never loved her, but fell in love with the idea of owning her and showing her off; Kala never cared about developing a serious bond with Rajan because she never loved him and always considered her marriage as a duty to oblige to for her parents’ satisfaction. Rajan manipulated Kala for the entire show and constantly lied to her during all Season 02, Kala hid things from him – including an affair – for the entire show as well. Their relationship had problems such as sexism, objectification, lack of trust, lack of intimacy, lack of conversation, dishonesty, power imbalance, and none of them were resolved or clarified (let alone even addressed in the finale). Rajan was a terrible husband to Kala because he is a despicable person; Kala was a terrible wife to Rajan as well because she didn’t love him.

#3. The ending:

Pretended that their relationship was always healthy and almost unproblematic.

Depicted Kala as the only one in the couple held responsible for their relationship issues (“and I thought I was the one with the big secrets”). Sexist writing.

Completely erased Rajan’s 23-episodes-widespread misbehavior as if it never occurred, turning him suddenly in the best husband ever (ironically the way he was always depicted by his society).

Assassinated Kala’s whole personality and especially her bravery awakening arc in Season 02 which was the core of her whole character.

Turned Kala’s internal conflict with her culture into a love indecision between two men out of nowhere.

Depicted her as happy and willing to stay in a toxic relationship with a man she never loved out of gratitude and because he proved to be a “good guy”, despite this being the very exact reason why she could never fall for him since the beginning. Inconsistent writing.

Sold us the hysterical idea that someone as selfish, possessive and disrespectful of women as Rajan would agree to share his wife (which he considers a possession) with somebody else.

Completely destroyed Wolfgang’s whole personality and role in Kala’s growth and storyline, but this is not meant to be a post about him.

Hinted us many times – especially in the last half-hour – about Kala giving even more importance to Rajan than Wolfgang, which is completely incoherent with everything we learned about these three characters in the previous 23 episodes (and in the rest of this episode as well), to the point that it looked like she eventually kept him around just to spice things up in the bedroom with her husband, who she never even wanted to be touched by before. Wild writing.