I woke up early today, and for some unknown reason, my body clock has drastically changed, I tend to fall asleep and wake up early these days, and Iāve been wondering why, maybe because I am slowly aging, right?
Well, kidding aside, itās been a while since I wrote something here, Iāve been stuck in a loophole of sadness.. again, and poofā I felt like Iām lost again.Ā
The unending worries of me not achieving anything, and fear of missing out in life. The frightening thought of my age growing, but my soul isnāt. But yeah, all thanks to the Man above, I feel like I am realizing too many stuff the past few weeks.
The month of June has been a mixture of excitement and anxiety, with all the things going on in my life, because I am about to start a new chapter or phase, or whatever you may call it.
Because tomorrow, itāll be my first day of training on my first ever āreal jobā, I call it that way due to the fact that I felt so old with all the requirements needed, with all the things needed to be accomplished, and it is a really big company, you guys.
I learned so much through this journey, as I applied to this company by myself from scratch. From finding people who can refer me, from the interviews, the assessments, the continuous composition of formal emails (Iām not sure if they looked formal but yeah, I tried my best) and many more stuff I went through to be able to make it here.
It was a fun experience though, and I learned a lot, so I asked myself; āwhat more can I learn and experience during my training?ā And that thought excites me and scares me at the same time, but yeah, someone said if you feel both fear and excitement about something, might as well do it.Ā
Life is still tough, I donāt think itāll ever get easy. And my mental health is still bugging me and fucking me up at times, my self-esteem is still at its lowest point.
But this thing that is about to happen helps me to be more hopeful, like looking forward to do things that will make me regain the trust in myself.
I really do hope for better days.
To myself, Iām glad youāre trying. I know you cry a lot at night, asking what is wrong with you. I hope you know that trying is enough, doing more and not giving up is something to be proud of. But if you really insist on wanting to see concrete results of hard work, I hope this opportunity that came to your life helps you to be more easy on yourself.Ā