Aftercare
by D. Calhan
“Aftercare” is the sum total of the actions a Dominant takes to ease the transition of the submissive from the elevated endorphin state in a scene back to pre-scene reality. A scene - even the tamest of them - not only raises the endorphin level of the submissive, but also can be physically stressful and mentally taxing. If the scene is a public one at a play party, the submissive can feel particularly vulnerable and stressed out. No matter where the scene lies on the stress scale, aftercare by the Dominant can be the most critical aspect of the scene. Good aftercare can rescue a so-so scene (“my Dom held me in his arms after the scene and I felt so wonderful”) or ruin a great one (“the asshole just left me right then and there saying he was late for the Tyson fight on HBO”).
The Dominant must realize the submissive, no matter how normal he/she might appear right after a scene, needs very specific aftercare to glide him/her back to normal. Of course, I assume the Dominant removes all restraints, bondage, blindfolding, etc. If there is a Dominant who just says “goodbye” and leaves the submissive to get out of this predicament alone, that Dominant should be dis-Dom¹d. (I need a verbal equivalent for “disbarred” - help me, anyone!) But enough of generalities, let¹s get specific.
Basic Aftercare:
For starters, holding, cuddling, touching, caressing (depending on your relationship) and telling the submissive how wonderful he or she was in the scene is a good general approach. One size does not fit all, but this is a good place to start.
Have a blanket ready. Many times, the submissive gets the chills after a scene or just feels unusually cold. (As the submissive is often naked during a scene, body heat is lost in great amounts.) A blanket to keep the submissive warm and toasty is always a good idea.
Talking and communication is another essential part of aftercare. “How was it?” “Did I hurt you?” “Did you want to use your safeword?” Any of a number of similar questions can put the submissive at ease – and lay the groundwork for your next scene, too.
Everybody likes affirmation. Post scene comments such as “I love the way you take my whip,” “You look so great when you are tied up,” and similar comments are always welcome after a scene. But one should be aware of going too far. If sex was not negotiated (or if the submissive was on loan from another Dominant) - the Dominant should be careful not to say things like “You look so sexy on the cross” if that would make the submissive feel uncomfortable. Remember, aftercare is, to a great extent, improvised. The objective is to transition the submissive back to reality and decrease stress. Keeping this goal in mind will give the Dominant a good roadmap of what aftercare techniques work best with a given submissive.
Don¹t forget – a scene can be draining in much the same way as an athletic event can be. The Dominant must make sure to offer the submissive something to drink. I personally recommend Gatorade or similar type drink. As far as food goes, I would wait until the aftercare period is over to start to eat. Eating too soon after a scene can cause cramps. (An “old sub¹s tale” that does have some basis in fact.)
As far as the time period for aftercare, I would recommend waiting a comfortable period after the submissive¹s heart rate, breathing and general attitude has returned to normal before you declare the aftercare session to be over. If the submissive was in deep sub-space, then this time would be quite a bit longer than if the submissive did not go into deep space. This takes a bit of experience on the Dominant¹s part. But this is not about clock watching. It is about sensing when the submissive is “back to normal.”
Advanced Aftercare
In more advanced scenes - such as needle play and singletail play - the possibility of wounds is great. If there are any wounds that have been caused by severe play, they should be cleaned and dressed properly.
If the submissive is in deep sub-space, the aftercare period can be quite long. And - IMPORTANT - do not let the submissive drive a car until all traces of sub-space are gone. This can take a couple of hours. Driving a care while still recovering from deep sub-space can be as dangerous as driving while drunk. Doms - do not forget this!
If you are a couple that will spend the night together, a warm bath, sex and/or going out to dinner is a great way to end a scene. And sleep…aftercare can extend into the next morning. Asking about the scene the next day, with the advantage of distance, can give the Dominant insight into the submissive¹s perceptions and also gives the submissive a way to express his or her gratitude (hopefully!)
Tips to the subs:
There is a phenomenon called “Top drop” where the Dominant, after a scene, gets a little down. As a Dominant, this cannot be expressed to the submissive. The Dominant would look too needy; it is bad form. But a submissive should be aware of this. Compliments such as “You are so good with the flogger” or “Your crop put me so deep into sub-space; I loved it” are always welcome after a scene. There is a female submissive I know who always e-mails any Dominant she scenes with a thank you note. She is a very popular submissive.
Tips to the Doms:
Include aftercare in your pre-scene negotiations. If the submissive you are playing with is on loan, make sure to negotiate aftercare with his or her owner. Another tip - many submissives love the aftercare as much as the scene itself. I know a female submissive who loves being seriously flogged and then held in her Master¹s arms. And she lives for this cuddling more than anything else! It can be a wonderful, intimate, bonding experience. Do not ever shortchange aftercare!
germansingergirl
jacobvanloon
discoholicmusic
baratheonpilled
stormborns
janainaart
yousharknotpass
andulkaphoto
annaxmalina
snowghoul
kianamaiart
pixelskylines
