𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒊𝒕

she was a resilient little girl  —  not unlike her mother. all INNOCENCE, small arms simulating a space shuttle’s turbulent flight.  ❝ i can’t protect her from seeing things that a child shouldn’t see anymore. everything about this WORLD is “ not the best thing ” for a kid to witness. ❞  in the silence that bloomed between them, amal’s arms crossed and she leaned backward slightly, letting her weight rest against the wall behind her. she appreciated elijah’s offer, really. but  —  ❝ no. if you’re gonna head out, i’d rather you be picking up things we NEED. thank you, but… i’ll find her something around camp. or her dad will bring her something back. birthday presents aren’t as important as food and ammo. ❞

ELIJAH NODDED HIS HEAD SLOWLY. he respected her. he couldn’t imagine trying to raise a child in this new world. in a lot of ways , eli was okay with her daughter passing before it got bad. she didn’t have to live through such awful scenes. “ sure .. ” he said under his breath , still watching as the young girl played. he remembered being that young ... elijah felt BAD for the girl. how long could she survive ? “ i think they should be at least a little important , ” he told the other. “ i mean ... there has to be SOME normality still , right? ”

       sometimes. learco liked to be alone, even apart from his dogs. they were his best friends, but just like many friends, there was time when he needed his space. dawn was the easiest time to leave safety behind, the brightest light able to cast long shadows of the ambling dead if he needed to defend himself. but they didn’t seem to find reason to wander deep into the forest, so he rarely saw the need. though, he still brought his weapon of choice ── a bat ── just in case.

       cresting a small hill, he made out the figure of a man. heard him whisper, even if it had been too low for most. his other senses did tend to make up for the majority of his sight he never had. ❝ are you hurt? ❞ he asked softly, not wanting to freak out the man.

ELIJAH HAD BEEN FAR too tired to arm himself at the sight of unfamiliar survivor ; though he was able to relax his tensed muscles after the other asked if he had been hurt. “ no .. no , nothing like that. ” eli rolled up his sleeves and revealed his arms to the stranger to further prove he was fine. ' what does it matter to you? you don’t even know me. ’ the man thought. “ what , uh .. what about you? you hurt? ” instead of trying to pick a fight, elijah thought friendliness would be a nice thing to return in this moment.

“That’s the plan!” Madison grinned, beaming as she tightened her grip of the bag strap. “I’m going to scavenge for some stuff, we’re getting low on the basics.” Part of her wanted to ask why he had been singing such an old song, sure it was a classic, but out here? Songs didn’t get sung unless you were remembering the past.

SHE STILL WASN’T SURE SHE COULD TRUST her senses. Everything told her to run, that she’d gotten knocked in the head and that none of this could be real, but her heart refused to let her move. The kisses she was pressing along his face found his lips and she kissed him thrice, her eyes closed and murmuring, “I love you too, I love you so much.”

The truth was that… they had been in love for so long that even the apocalypse couldn’t touch that. Most people would have lost a daughter, their families, their world and fallen apart, but she and Elijah could make it work.

It wasn’t to say the loss of their daughter hadn’t destroyed them – sometimes she still has nightmares about it – but they were surviving because of each other. The time they’d spend apart had cost them so much, and she spent much of her time worrying that she was going to continue going on the off-chance she might see him again; it was enough, sure, but she didn’t feel like anyone could respect that.

She’d grown slightly smarter, slightly stronger, in their time away from one another. She was still soft – still his doe – but she had taken care of herself. She knew he blamed himself for what had happened, it was instinct; he couldn’t help himself in taking all the blame, it’s who he was, but she couldn’t let that stand.

Her lips against his lingered, salty and wet with their combined tears, then drew across his cheek to nuzzle and tug him in tighter, lips resting near his ear.

“I knew you’d find me…” She had, she truly had. Isabella had never given up and it had made her stronger for it, but she needed him to know, “You did everything you could to always protect us, I knew you wouldn’t give up, and so I didn’t either.”

One day… one day they’d sit down and discuss what had happened – how she’d ended up separated from him – but today it didn’t seem important. What did seem important was he was there with her, and the knife she’d been clutching ( forgotten in all her attempts to pull him closer ) now released and fell to the ground with a dull thud; she didn’t need it anymore because she had Elijah there.

ALL OF HIS WORRIES , ALL OF his nightmares , all the pain and stress and loneliness had completely disappeared from this moment. isabella had always had that effect on him -- nothing this intense , of course. it was typically the days of getting yelled at at work that made him excited to go home to his wife and daughter. they were his entire world. they truly were.

when isabella hadn’t come back after sundown , there was nothing but panic in elijah. nothing but worry. he had already lost their daughter ; he’d be DAMNED to lose his wife , too. the only woman ( aside from their daughter ) who kept him sane. “ I never stopped looking, ” he whispered to his wife , rocking their bodies slowly back and forth to try to soothe her. how could he have stopped looking ? everything they had gone through : falling in love, getting married, having a baby, budget arguments, parental arguments, love making, sadness ... nothing in the world could make him not search for isabella.

it seemed as though everything he’d gone through up to this moment . . . vanished from his memory. like somehow the world was telling him none of it mattered anymore , not with her here with him. elijah pulled away slightly -- still keeping his arms around her -- and gazed upon her face. she was still the same woman. . .but he could tell the apocalypse had taken its toll. he wondered where she had gone , what she had been through. the man cupped his wife’s face with his hands and smiled : the kind of smile he hadn’t shown in what seemed like YEARS.

again , his eyes welled with tears - happy tears , of course. “ we’ll never be apart again , my doe. ” a single tear trailed down his cheek. “ i can promise you that. ”

     “ right. ” of course. so much had changed after the outbreak, she no longer knew who she was when it came to other people. she never had time to figure it out, either, too busy trying to stay alive. now faced with this type of conversation, she couldn’t help but wish for the trust that would never come so easily, given the times. most times, she forgot that she needed to tailor what she said to other people, even if they might be the last living humans in the country. “ no. i…i’m trying to get back to new york.  i had– have, ” she corrected, “ family there. ”

HE NODDED HIS HEAD slowly while she explained her situation. “ it’s important to know whether or not your family is , uh . . . still among the living. ” he crossed his arms , trying to hide the fact that he had been analyzing the other. it was important - to elijah , anyway. there was nothing more unnerving than not knowing & imagining loved ones as one of the undead. “ i wish you luck .. it won’t be an easy trip there. ” eli wasn’t entirely keen on talking to a stranger but he had nothing better to do at this point. “ how do you plan on getting there? ” SURE she had a horse but how long could he go without a break ? without food or water ?

EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE HAD imagined this moment, it had gone somewhat differently. It was always framed softly and they were always so happy to see each other. On a few, EXTREMELY rare occasions she’d had nightmares where she couldn’t find him, he had fallen out of love with her, or he’d been turned, but generally, the waking dreams were all so happy.

Still frozen to the spot, her arms opened wide ( though still covered in mud to try to hide somewhat ) and wrapped around him as he rushed forward. Immediately her head dipped and her lips brushed against his crown, nuzzling her face in; he smelled different, but altogether the same, a slightly apocalyptic version of himself.

“I knew you’d find me.” Or she’d find him, regardless. She had refused to doubt him, even as much as her mind liked to trick her into thinking she was less than she was, she could never think poorly of Elijah.

Collapsing forward into him, she let her full weight rest against him, and in her own way supported him in return. She wasn’t sobbing, but tears fell into his hair, mixing with rainwater and dirt and she didn’t even care as the combination smeared across her cheek and lips, peppering his head and then down to his face with a mass of kisses.

“You’re safe, you’re safe. I’m so happy.” Her voice never really rose too far above her normal range, but it was shaky; she was afraid if she stopped tugging him towards her for even a second she’d wake to some nightmare where none of it was real; terror was a tremor in her voice beneath layers of love and relief.

     Please be real…

“I missed you so much, I missed you so damn much.” He had always been better at cursing than she had been, as much as she had tried; it didn’t matter at that moment, she collapsed in against him fully and broke down into sobs, fingers gripping him as closely as she possibly could.

HIS HEART POUNDED SO HARD in his chest , he could have sworn she could hear it. elijah felt something he hadn’t in so long: peacefulness. happiness. his wife had the power to make the world seem okay. and right now , it was as though the world wasn’t literally crumbling. 

eli had so many questions ; so many things he wanted to tell her. he wanted to return her necklace. he wondered if she had been a part of any groups. “ my love ... ” he whispered , pressing his forehead against hers. though there were clear tear trails down his dirty cheeks , elijah couldn’t help but smile. isabella felt so good in his arms. like she had never even left them.

“ I missed you too , doe , ” -- a nickname he never thought would come out of his mouth again. his entire being felt so in love with her. like somehow this moment allowed him to fall in love with her all over again. GOD : he felt so at ease. it didn’t matter what happened from this point on. as long as he was with her , he was ALIVE.

the second she broke down , elijah held her against him. he , too , had started to cry. more-so happy tears than anything else. “ I’m sorry , doe , I’m so sorry. ” eli didn’t really know why he felt the need to apologize - maybe for letting her go alone .. maybe for not trying hard enough to find her ( though he had spent literal days upon days searching ; tracing back every clue there was of her until every path lead no where. . . ). the sobs that filled the air weren’t at all awkward. they were more of a relieve. “ I love you. so much. ”

THOUGH SHE’D GOTTEN USED TO THE WAY people talked to you in the aftermath of the undead, it still didn’t make her feel any better. She flinched at the tone, unable to hear very clearly until he came more close, and she wasn’t sure if she could trust her thoughts anymore.

More than once – more than twice, more than three times, more than a dozen – she’d thought she’d found Elijah again; the way someone’s shadow would cast against her from behind, the sound of someone’s voice hitting the right octave, or just the way people tended to approach her… but she’d always been wrong.

She had ALWAYS been disappointed.

The tension in her spine refused to release its coil around her, and she slowly lifted herself up, and though the knife had been for her safety she made sure they could see it. There was no reason to start the negotiations with a lie. She had no intention of killing anyone; she still hadn’t crossed that line in all her time alone.

“I’m no one.” The words were familiar, she’d struggled so hard with self-image for so long; Elijah had helped so much in that. When he looked at her with love in his eyes she could see herself reflected in him. Most people would say that wasn’t healthy, but most people don’t think anything that isn’t total independence and self-reliance isn’t healthy, so what do they know? You NEED people. No one is an island.

It was slow how she turned, knife still held tight in her hand – if she had to she’d throw it, hoping not to truly hurt whoever it was but at least slow them down for her retreat – and her free hand came slowly to her hood to pull it from across her brow and reveal her face ( and truly to reveal them to her, she couldn’t see that well with her downcast eyes and the heaviness of the hood. )

What met her was something she still refused to believe. As hopeful as Isabella was on any given day, she still stood frozen like she was caught in the crosshairs, her mouth dry and unable to form words, except for the softest exhalation and the seemingly gibberish, “Jahbear…?”

ELIJAH HAD BEEN READY for anything. more times than not he had to fight his way out of one on one interactions like this. of course , he was never proud of leaving the others bruised and hurting but he did what he had to to SURVIVE. after all .. that’s what life was about now. survival.

now that he was closer , the stranger’s voice was much more clear -- familiar. the one he had heard in every tone imaginable. sleepy , angry , happy , excited .. he shook his head , fighting his thoughts yet again. ‘ IT ISN’T HER. IT ISN’T HER. ’ elijah had gotten his hopes up so many times before. he couldn’t do it again. whenever he saw long blonde hair from behind , his heart stopped. and when they turned it was nothing but a face of someone he had never seen in his life.

when the other had first shown their front half , elijah felt his heart break. it wasn’t her . . . but then --- “ oh my god. ” SHE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. at first , he could have sworn he was dreaming. or dead. this had to be heaven. “ you’re .... you’re ... ” so many emotions crashed down inside of him. elijah couldn’t speak. all he could do was rush -- almost run -- into her arms.

     elijah. imogen loosed a breath, the stranger’s lax stance lulling her into a sense of security. she was just happy to not have a weapon aimed in her direction, or an undead to contend with.

    “ imogen. i got ‘im out of arizona on the way here. ” it was more the other way around, she was lucky to have stumbled upon her trusted steed. the young woman slid a hand through her horse’s mane, memories of her weeks of travel before she’d got to arizona filtering through her mind. her attention snapped back to the stranger, curiosity replacing the haunted shadows in her eyes. “ i haven’t seen many…living where i’ve been– but there are groups of survivors around here…are you part of one? ”

IT WAS NICE -- FINALLY talking to someone who ( seemingly ) wasn’t trying to harm or steal from him or his group. “ a pleasure , imogen. ” he had commented after they were introduced. elijah would have offered a handshake but that would have been . . . not too appealing , he thought. he hadn’t remembered the last time he washed his hands.

at her question , he leaned his head slightly to the side. as if contemplating what to say next. could he trust her ? could he trust that she didn’t have some awful , hostile group who would surely end up taking over fiske ? “ mmhm .. rather keep which one to myself but i am a part of a group. ” eli said. “ what about you? ” from the question she had asked , elijah wasn’t expecting her to be a part of a group. but he figured he’d ask regardless.

now it was mini’s turn to roll her eyes. “what? you don’t believe me?” she could feign a tone of devastation — but what is there to be devastated about? the girl said what she said and prideful as she is, she will stand by it. she will stand by it, just as she will continue to find faults in elijah’s actions and sneer at him for it. “GOOD. save yourself the effort — put it in something more important like, you know,” minji tilts her head. “your job.” 

as they drives through the nearly desolated streets of boulder county, it becomes increasingly obvious that patience is a virtue that both of them are running thin of. “depends,” she retorts. “what kind of necklace is it?” there won’t be a use for it, she’s certain, but elijah and this seemingly secret necklace has peaked her curiosity. a scowl crosses her features — she doesn’t like being questioned like that ( or rather she doesn’t like elijah telling her to do shit ). she repeats his query, imitating his tone, MOCKING him. “ ‘ why don’t you be grateful for once and actually be glad ’ — screw you, elijah, you don’t KNOW me.”

ELIJAH’S EXPRESSION REMAINED STILL as he watched the abandoned , worn down buildings of boulder county. “ and who the fuck ever said I WANT to know you? ” he cringed his teeth . . . FUCK -- that came out so much worse than he had anticipated. GROAN. “ look , ” eli crossed his arms in his seat. this argument was going no where. they were a part of a group - a FAMILY as some would call it. and it was pointless to continue with this. sometimes elijah thought minji knew she was one of the only people who got under his skin - so she milked that fact. or maybe she was just an irritating, stubborn person. who knows.

“ the more we bicker , the more irritated we get and the longer this fuckin’ ride will take. ” the man had completely avoided the question about the necklace. he shoved the bag as close to under his seat as possible. elijah rested his head on the window, trying to make this position comfortable ... but it really wasn’t. “ so lets just shut up until we get there. ”

          he recognized the song the other man was humming. it wasn’t something he heard frequently. not something his parents sang to him on a bad night, when the trailer shook from nearby thunder and lightning. however, he heard the johnny cash original coming from his dad’s old radio. he long associated those plays on the radio with those of cheap malt liquor and switches from the willow tree out back. he WINCED once he put a name to it.

          “ are you, uh, doin’ okay ? ”

“ huh --- ” the voice had startled him ; the kind of startle that only made your heart beat faster. elijah stretched his arms high above his head & let out a big yawn. “ yeah , man .. I’m good. ” truthfully , he wasn’t. GOD , he wasn’t. there was so much going on in his mind. from worrying about if he needs to scavenge more for the group to pointlessly wondering about what happened to the pregnant people who gave birth in the apocalypse -- did the kid survive? how could they? he shook his head as if coming back to his senses. “ you okay? ” it wasn’t something eli would usually ask but the other was a part of his group. and that meant a lot to him : even if he didn’t always admit it.

     remaining on the horse, imogen slowly let it come towards the waving figure. many possibilities filtered through her mind, most ending in her death, but she could never get used to the lifestyle of living without any human contact– especially with the how the world was now. when she was a few meters away, she brought the horse to a stop, eyeing the stranger warily. she knew she looked worse for wear and she probably didn’t smell any better, but imogen had learned that the luxuries of the past were just that: in the past. “ who…are you? ”

ELIJAH SHIFTED HIS WEIGHT ONTO his back leg & crossed his arms. “ could say the same to you -- long with where you got the horse, ” he was still in slight shock that there was a damn HORSE right in front of him. “ but uh --- my name’s elijah. eli for short.” the man nodded his head as to say ‘hello ’. “ what’s yours? ”

she doesn’t flinch, not in the same way that she used to when her ears first picked up on the word. BITCH — often paired with witch, minji vividly remembers it as a chant among high school kids, followed by a hard push and her body hitting the lockers. by the time that they had been caught, winona — at the time — had never said anything back. partly because she feared worse torment ( surely, they would all start calling her a SNITCH next ) and mostly because she was mute ; she had not been accustomed to speaking, much less standing up for herself.  

now, though… she glances at the man quickly before quietly saying, “stop being a little bitch. it’s honesty — and you could learn from your mistakes, so sue me for trying to help.” no, that WASN’T the intention behind her words but maybe, just this once, she could lie. the silence that comes after is welcomed though it doesn’t last long. mini looks over again, though it’s not clear to her as to what he must be referring to. “how do you know that if i don’t even know what the fuck it is?” she taps the steering wheel to an imaginary song, one that only exists in her head to come up with a response. fuck, this is so HARD – talking to people is hard. “now we have more ways to keep the camp hydrated. exciting.” 

HE SNICKERED. “ trying to help? ” elijah repeated , almost in disbelief. how is calling him stupid helping anyone. he thought to himself. there were so many times when he and his daughter would argue about meaningless things ; much like this. whether it was about the sandwich elijah ate that he didn’t know was hers. or more silly arguments about why dabbing is so hard. 

“ I know damn well you don’t want a necklace. ” ‘ my WIFE’S necklace. ’ he almost said. elijah let out a hard sigh ; enough for her to get the vibe of his annoyance. he glanced her way. “ why don’t you be GRATEFUL for once and actually be glad we even have access to water. ”

If Elijah hadn’t have been humming, Madison was quite sure she would’ve walked past him in her usual yellow jumper with the worn out shoes that had been given to her when she first came to the planetarium. Changing the course of her feet, she wandered over to the man, singing lightly a few words of the song. 

“You make me happy when skies are grey… It’s a good song.”

minji almost says, ‘ YEAH? well then maybe don’t be fucking stupid next time then there won’t be a tone ’ but she decides against it at the last minute — something that she and elijah’s corpse party can share. she doesn’t wait until anyone is buckled in ; there’s worse things to worry about seat belt fines ; and she starts driving for what they consider to be their home.

there’s kindness attached to being asked if you were okay, and mini doesn’t care for any of it. from her mouth comes a clicking noise, a disapproving TSK ! “the only thing that startled me was your seeming inability to escape without making noise to be followed.” the harshness of her voice is undetectable to her own ears — it’s honesty that she had been taught to say regardless. “did you at least get SOMETHING? anything worthwhile?”

ELIJAH ROLLED HIS EYES at her response. “ there’s no need to be a GODDAMN bitch minji , what the fuck ? ” after all , he was just checking on her . . . was there wrong in making sure his group members were okay , he thought to himself. eli let himself fall silent as he dug through his bag ; his eyes met the necklace that he had found -- one that matched the one his wife always used to wear. he sighed. FINALLY... some kind of sign that she was still out there. something that gave elijah HOPE again.  “ nothing you’ll want or use. ” he said completely monotone. the man closed his backpack. “ I did find a few empty bottles. maybe we could find some use of them -- maybe for water or something. ”