I Don't Dance*

" Gratitude.   Appreciation.   Giving   thanks.   No   matter   what   words   you   use,   it   all   means   the   same   thing.   Happy.   We're   supposed   to   be   happy.   Grateful   for   friends,   family.   Happy   to   just   be   alive…   Whether   we   like   it   or   not. "   

@dnforths​    asked    ❝  [ 📞 ] ‘ it’s    good    to    hear    your    voice. ’  ❞ phone    call    prompts.

𝙮𝙤𝙪    𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩    𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥    𝙩𝙝𝙚    𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙮    𝙨𝙤𝙗    𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩    𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙨    𝙤𝙪𝙩    𝙤𝙛    𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧    𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙝.     he    sounds    so    happy,    he    sounds    like    everything    is    fine.     god    fucking    damn    it,     you’re    no    supposed    to    be    crying    when    you’ve    one    said    hello    to    him.    he    doesn’t….    he    doesn’t    understand    why    the    hell    you’re    calling    him.    it    shouldn’t    make    sense.    you    two    did    not    make    sense   in   high    school,   and    yet    it    had    worked    out    long    enough    to    last    all    of    freshman    year.    which…    had    been   a    nice    surprise.    and    you’re    sure    you’re    a    little    in    love    with    him.    but    he    doesn’t    know    that,    in    fact,    that’s    the    truth,    nobody    knows   what    you    feel.    you’ve    made   it   your    goal.    nobody    knows    how    you    feel,    or    if    you    feel    at    all.    you    aren't    sure    when    it    started.    when    you    started    hiding    every    piece    of    yourself.    when    you    started    keeping    secrets    from    everyone    including    him.    it    seemed    easy.    to    just…    hide    yourself    and    not    think    about    any    of    the    consequences.    to    not    think    about    anything    else    besides…    what    everyone    else    could    say.    you    know    he’ll    probably    not    understand,    that    he’ll    want    to    talk    about    about.    but    you    need    to    rip    the    bandaid    off.    ❝ i    think    we    need    to    break    up. ❞

the    summers,    for    as    long    as    chad    could    remember,    were    spent    in    the    boltons    backyard    roasting    up    burgers    and    hotdogs,    shooting    hoops.    This    one    had    been    different    in    so    many    ways.    It    was    the    first    summer    that    he    felt    like    he    couldn’t    hang    out    with    his    best    friend,        or    go    to    his    house.    he    hadn’t    meant    to    show    up    at    gabriella’s    but    after    dinner    with    his    dad    and    sisters,    (    his    mom    on    a    night    shift    )    he    hadn’t    known    what    to    do.    When    Mrs.    Montez    answers    the    door    he    shoots    her    a    smile,    asking    if    gabriella    was    around.    He    stuffed    his    hands    in    the    pockets    of    his    basketball    shorts,    looking    around    her    living    room.    

“    hey,    evans    !!    “    fulton’s    already    on    his    ass    about    sneaking    out    in    between    rush    periods,    so    chad    had    to    wait    for    his    break    to    find    the    (    much    cooler    )    twin.    he’s    chewing    on    a    piece    of    gum,    the    blue    and    white    striped    hat    perched    on    his    head,    carrying    a    grocery    bag    in    one    hand.    “    i    washed    your    clothes.    “    his    mom    may    have    given    him    a    look    when    she    had    seen    clothes    that    were    at    least    one    size    too    small    when    he    had    done    his    laundry,    but    she    hadn’t    commented.    he    wasn’t    sure    his    was    ready    for    what    she’d    say    and    what    he’d    have    to    explain.    “    i    don’t    know    who    where’s    white    to    a    baseball    game.    “    he    had    help    getting    the    stains    out.    

“    hey    man,    your    mom    let    me    in.    “    Chad    knew    the    Boltons    house    almost    as    well    as    he    knew    his    own,    so    he    had    no    qualms    about    showing    up    uninvited.    He’s    leaning    against    the    doorway    to    Troy’s    room.    If    his    friend    hadn’t    been    there,    he    would’ve    just    shot    some    hoops    until    he    had    come    home.    His    first    semester    had    been    everything    he    had    hoped    it    would    be.    Not    having    Troy    around    was    the    only    thing    that    had    sucked.    But    hey,    it    was    winter    break.    “    I    was    thinking    pizza    and    shitty    movies.    You    in    ??    “    

Taylor    breaking    it    off    with    him    had    probably    been    one    of    the    hardest    things    about    the    year.    He    hadn’t    seen    it    coming,    even    though    he    should    have.    He    should’ve    realized    how    hard    things    were    for    her.    But    when    they    were    going    great    for    him,    he    hadn’t    thought    twice.    When    she    had    asked    him    to    meet    up    when    they    were    both    home,    he    hadn’t    hesitated    to    say    yes,    even    if    he    wondered    what    seeing    her    again    would    be    like.    For    the    first    time    in    probably    his    entire    life,    he’s    early,    knee    bouncing    up    and    down    as    he    takes    a    sip    of    his    frappucino.    When    she    walks    in    he’s    not    sure    whether    to    greet    her    or    stay    seated,    so    he    does    a    small    wave.    When    had    he    ever    had    to    second    guess    his    actions    before    ??    he    runs    a    hand    across    the    back    of    his    neck,    watching    her    get    in    line    to    get    her    drink.    “    cutting    it    a    little    close,    aren’t    we    ??    “    he    teases,    looking    down    at    his    watch.    comedy    as    his    shield. 

CHAD’S    SEXUALITY:    so    on    this    edition    of    ‘mikki    can’t    write    straight    characters’    i    wanna    talk    about    chad’s    sexuality    and    how    it    affects    him    throughout    the    series    and    college    chad    identifies    as    bisexual    later    in    life,    but    during    high    school    he    just    acknowledges    that    he    is    sexually    attracted    to    not    just    women.    

in    the    first    few    years    of    high    school,    CHAD    IS    IN    THE    CLOSET.    like    super    closeted.    no    one    knows.    none    of    his    friends,    not    taylor,    not    troy,    not    his    parents,    no    one.    at    first    it    was    a    worry    about    how    his    friends    would    treat    him.    they’d    been    together    for    so    long    and    so    tight,    he    didn’t    want    anything    to    change    that.    he    didn’t    want    anyone    to    think    differently    of    him    because    of    something    that    was    easily    concealed.    but    when    he    realizes    that    none    of    them    care    about    anything    like    that    and    they    all    have    their    own    things    that    they’ve    been    hiding,    it’s    more    of    the    thought    of    losing    his    dreams    to    go    pro.    sports    is    a    super    exclusive    world    and    there    were    not    many    professional    athletes    that    were    out    of    the    closet    when    he    was    going    to    college.    

So    that’s    another    reason    for    him    to    want    to    hide    it.    he’s    worried    for    the    only    real    dream    he’s    had    his    entire    life.    but    once    he    gets    to    college    and    starts    actually    learning    about    things    that    are    interesting    to    him?    he    has    different    feelings.    

Chad    is    the    oldest    of    three    siblings.    He    has    two    younger    sisters    who    he    adores    and    would    do    anything    for.    There’s    an    eight    year    age    gap    between    him    and    the    middle    child    in    their    family,    Kelly.    There’s    a    two    year    difference    between    Kelly    and    their    youngest    sister,    Abby.    His    parents,    Dana    and    Charlie,    hadn’t    meant    to    have    a    child    as    early    as    they    did    (both    being    in    their    mid    20s    when    they    had    Chad).    But    he    always    knew    he    was    wanted    and    loved.

His    mother    is    a    nurse    at    the    local    hospital,    which    has    her    working    crazy    hours    and    there    are    days    at    a    time    when    he    doesn’t    see    his    mother.    His    father    owns    his    own    construction    company,    which    he    built    from    the    ground    up.    The    Danforths    have    not    always    had    money,    but    Charlie’s    business    is    doing    really    well.    They    always    instilled    hard    work    in    Chad,    which    he    may    not    always    have    listened    to.    But    it’s    why    he’s    been    saving    up    for    a    car    instead    of    them    buying    him    one;    he    would    not    be    getting    handouts    from    anyone,    including    them.

Chad    is    very    close    with    his    father.    Growing    up,    for    the    first    eight    years    of    his    life,    it    was    often    just    the    two    of    them    in    the    evenings    while    his    mother    worked    late.    So    his    father    became    his    confidant    when    things    were    too    scary    to    even    talk    about    with    his    friends.    When    he    came    out,    he    told    his    father    before    anyone    else    in    their    family.    He    knew    he    grew    up    in    an    accepting    home,    but    it    was    still    scary    for    him.

The    Danforths    and    the    Boltons    have    been    friends    since    the    boys    were    in    Preschool.    If    you’re    looking    for    either    of    the    families    during    the    weekends,    at    holidays,    you    can    always    find    them    together.    It    helps    that    the    parents    get    along    just    as    well    as    the    boy    but    it    put    a    strain    on    their    friendships    when    the    boys    were    not    speaking    during    their    junior    year.