Keep It On The Me

There's lots of forms romantic love can take. There's the sort of fiery, passionate, desperate love, there's love focused more on reassurance, comfort, and eternity with another.

Typically, romantic love is viewed as a desire to live with someone forever while also being attracted to them. There's such a broadness in its definition, and there's also ways in which a romantic love can overlap with expressions of platonic love. You don't need to kiss someone every day to be romantically in love with them, this can manifest in making breakfast for them, that kind of thing. When I analyze how romantic love takes form in fictional relationships, I focus on the desire aspect: how much do these characters want to be together, and does that desire ever extend beyond categorizations that could be classified as purely platonic? (Physical attraction, utter desperation, etc)

I wanted to establish this framework before I discuss how Sakiko expresses her love. Because it does not take form in the same exact way Hatsune expresses it, nor does she ever go out and say "I love you" as bluntly as Hatsune did to her, nor calls her pretty in her head. But the love still exists.

Sakiko's expression takes place in a few key manners: the desire for eternity, the desire to be desired, and the reciprocation of the love expressed to her.

Let's start with the obvious. What does Hatsune mean to her?

Hatsune is, in her own metaphorical phrasing, her moon, so kind and gentle.

As a child, she was a place where she could not be "Sakiko, the perfect daughter of the Togawa family," but instead "Sakiko, a young girl." From their very first meeting, Hatsune represented a sort of freedom. This took form in them running away into the forest together on that fateful night. While she mistook her for Uika, she still sensed Hatsune, and her kindness, underneath the confusion. And it is that very kindness that stuck with Sakiko all those years--she later gives Doloris the name of Kindhearted, and "the stars" are the first thing she comments on when seeing Hatsune again.

Hatsune mentions that Kiyotsugu said Sakiko talked to him about "Uika" all the time, though we never get confirmation on what exactly she gushed about (beyond the idol thing). While circumstances separated them for so long, it is again that kindness Sakiko seeks at her absolute lowest.

She forms a band with Hatsune, and makes the motif of the band the very thing she called gentle and kind all those years ago: the moon. In her lore, the moon is what brings her to life, and it is only when the moon shines its light on her that she can live. Hatsune is her light in the darkness. This is clearly evident in It's MyGO episode 8--the whole episode is incredibly dark, one of the darkest in the show. But the scene where she talks to Hatsune is the brightest, most visually beautiful scene we get of hers. She's smiling, she's giggling. She looks at her like she's light herself.

Sakiko is a girl who doesn't express her thoughts often, but we know what she's thinking via her actions and expressions. The talk on the bridge was such a pivotal, and also vulnerable moment, especially given it followed the very heavy "please make me forget everything." She thought she was a burden, and thought Hatsune would say no, and thought she didn't deserve her kindness even should she agree to. But Hatsune said yes, reassuring her she wasn't a burden, and that even if she was, she wanted to be with her forever regardless.

To me, this is the moment where I think something budded in her heart. Of course, it gets buried underneath all the stress and anguish she feels throughout the show, and eventually through hating herself from other circumstances, she can't accept that she's not a burden to Hatsune. But it established what she gets out of this girl: eternity, and the certainty that she will be loved no matter what, that she's not just a burden and her dreams align with Hatsune's. Beneath her confidence, she craves unconditional love, after all.

Hatsune's certainly not the only character who acts this way around her, though. Plenty of characters love her and want to be with her forever. Which is why this alone wouldn't explain the full story.

You also need to consider the intensity of Hatsune's desires, and how she expresses them. And, maybe most importantly, the desire of Hatsune's to live with Sakiko forever.

Hatsune's desires end up taking shape in her songs, specifically Imprisoned in terms of the anime's narrative.

It's dark, it's not pure, and maybe most others would run from the person who wrote it. But Sakiko doesn't.

Even before Nyamu burst into her room, she was reading the lyrics in her Notes app. She didn't need to make the song so pretty. She didn't need to make a song out of it at all. She didn't need to walk home with Hatsune after the concert. But she did anyway.

Sakiko recognizes Hatsune's feelings and sees herself in them. She too wants to bind others to her eternally, to make them come crawling back to her, as selfish as she feels. There's a mutuality here, and you can see this best in the way she portrays Doloris in her writing. Her "ideal" Hatsune.

She thinks all she can do is hurt her, yet she's still loved by her no matter what. The opposite is true as well. In episode 12, Hatsune insists they shouldn't be together, and it's Sakiko who calls her selfish for not considering her feelings. For not considering she wants to be with her forever. Sakiko would cast aside her identity and place she once "belonged" (caged within the Togawa confines) just to be with her.

Like I mentioned, the domestic angle is very important too. These girls don't have anywhere they belong in this world but with one another. They cling to each other desperately. Sakiko aches for stability in her life. Emotionally and physically. Hatsune is a force that reassures her she still has a place to call home. It's not a coincidence that what proved Sakiko was having a mental spiral was moving out of her apartment. Leaving behind love to return to her "cage."

With Hatsune, however, she can be free, and this is in a way only she can provide, as someone who intimately understands her pain and who would choose to love her even should she turn to ashes (as represented in episode 12). (And as later expressed in their love song Angles, Hatsune who has the desire to be with her even in death. If something goes wrong, they will go down together in hopes of being reborn together. A promise dark in nature, but one that ensures Sakiko will never be alone).

So, Sakiko expresses her own love primarily in the form of how she responds to Hatsune's love. She reciprocates (you have to acknowledge the anime represented her at her absolute lowest), and even pursues Hatsune when Hatsune tries to make herself disappear.

It's even more obvious in the concerts--when Doloris flirts with Oblivionis, she flirts back. When Doloris cries, she's the one who comforts her, who wipes her tears. When Doloris sings about how much she loves her, she smiles fondly at her, and even initiates kisses. A blatantly romantic act.

Post-anime, Sakiko's a lot more openly affectionate with Hatsune as well. She acts very sweet around her, and you can tell she truly enjoys Hatsune's company now that she's not being interrupted like she was in the show. She even teases Hatsune for being romantic with her.

Ultimately, circumstances of hurt and pain spurred their relationship, but they don't let those things fully define it, as Sakiko had them vow while they were on the ferry. It is with that in mind that I believe it's important to think about Sakiko's love for her in its collective whole.

The past may hurt and the future may be uncertain, but in this moment, where their souls are intrinsically bound in a vow to be together across countless lifetimes, we live in a reality where Ave Mujica's numerous love songs have a particularly strong focus on the piano and vocals.