I didn't mean to be a fandom blog

One of the things that ended up driving us apart in the end though is that they didn’t believe me when I told them this. They didn’t believe that I didn’t care about their disabilities. They didn’t believe that I was prepared to support them because my love turned all of that work into nothing.

As we drifted apart I learned something about myself. I can only fight to try to make someone believe that I care about them for so long. The hospital visits, the care tasks, the financial stuff, the limitations, I don’t care about. I could do that forever without a second thought. Fighting to be believed though? To have my love for someone questioned by them at every turn? I can’t do that.

it’s okay to have mixed feelings.

it’s okay to be sad.

it’s okay to be angry.

it’s okay to feel like father’s day is difficult.

it’s okay to feel what you feel whether your dad has passed away, he abandoned you, he abused you, etc.

lucifer still lets you chill in his office and listen to classical records with him while he does paperwork. he still makes smug ass comments that will end up with you cursing him out and him laughing about it. he still makes sure that you’re keeping up with everything well enough, that it’s not overwhelming you. he still confides in you about his fears and worries about himself and his brothers. he still looks out for you and checks in your make sure you’re doing alright in RAD.

mammon is still your dumbass best friend who takes you out the casino because he swears you’re the luckiest person he’s ever met. he still whines and complains about stupid shit to you like getting scammed or getting in trouble for another one of his schemes. he still holes up for movie nights in your room every night there’s no work to be done the next day. he still holds pride in the fact that he was the first demon to see how amazing you are and make a pact about it. (don’t bring up how that pact came to be for your own sake. he still sulks like a madman!!)

leviathan still watches shows and plays games with you. he still farms on your accounts for you so you can pull for that one character you really like. he still stays holed up in his room with you counting the clock to midnight, preparing for the next merch drop with plans to clear out the whole shop. he still trusts you with his insecurities and vulnerabilities, enough to be sincere and genuine in his excitement when talking to you. he still opens up to you because you will always be his Henry no matter what.

satan still takes you to cat cafes and holds a two person book club with you. he still helps you study when you need it and even when you don’t. he still barges into your room to bitch about his latest annoyance. he still trusts you with the parts of himself that he still isn’t sure is really him or maybe a remnant of his brother left inside him by mistake. still makes sure not to let anyone disrespect you in class, because if they do they only have three seconds to run.

asmodeus still drags you to his self care nights. slathers a face mask on you and shares the latest gossip and drama. still buys you pretty things that he thought would look nice on you, or reminded him of you. he still makes sure no one’s talking behind your back, makes sure that you’re doing okay. he’s still comfortable enough to vegetate with you, and let down all pretenses and masks; you are always going to be someone he is comfortable baring himself to. he’ll still freak out with you over stupid shit you’re excited about and he’ll still make sure you’re always good with yourself, kind to yourself.

beelzebub still takes you out to eat and clear out buffets with him weekly. he still invites you to his matches personally. he still gets excited when he sees you show up even though you’ve been attending his games consistently for years now. he still tells you about his brothers and his’ time in the celestial realm. he’ll still tell you about his sister and love you enough to feel comfortable to grieve in front of you. he still makes sure you’re always eating enough—he’s gotta make sure you’re taking care of yourself, yknow? he also still eats your leftovers even when you explicitly tell him not too. sorry. :(

belphegor still takes you to the planetarium when things are getting too much. he takes your nightmares away. makes sure you sleep well. he still drags you down for a nap whenever he feels like it. he still tells you about how he misses his sister, about how he misses his brothers sometimes even though they’re still here, just different. he still trusts you enough to admit that sometimes, he misses himself, and who he was before all this. and then after all that, he still flicks you on the nose and calls you annoying because before he is an avatar of sin he is the spoiled baby of the family, and he knows you’ll always be there to snark right back.

sorry it just. moves me. like you truly do become a part of these seven guys’ found family no matter what. even if you reject every single possible romance option they will still love you and protect you and look out for you and snap at you and annoy you and not even be sorry about it. because you are special to them!!! you will always be someone important to them!!!!

We're getting there little by little, sure. But it's a road.

Like for the majority it really is "oh i'm hungrier and moodier than usual"

If, before you get your period, you feel furiously angry, suicidal, irritated by every tiny thing to the point you want to murder someone, stuck in a black hole you'll never escape from. If you are experiencing extreme emotions for what seems like no good reason, especially if you get your period and those extreme emotions just go away. You're probably not just PMSing , you may have PMS's feral big sister PMDD and it's treatable.

I know it's hard. I went to my doctor whom I trust deeply, who always listens and never ever ignores me or blows off my symptoms, and I was in such a fog that when he gently suggested an antidepressant, all I could do was shrug tearfully and say "I guess?"

two weeks later it was like the "stepping out into Oz" moment. head was clear, emotions were normal, voices were quiet.