Jabble Chronicles

I’ve experienced being crazy in love with someone for about 3.5 long years. The same person. The same wild feelings, something like a roller-coaster that I’ve went through. The shivers, the tears through the good and the bad, and even though I’ve sworn I’d put that in the past, once being reminded it brought me right back to that same spot. Being Dangerously in Love. I’ve only told THAT person that I want to bear their children, wear THEIR wedding band and commit to THEM, fully. But I’ve seen where it brought me, where it has brought us over the years, and essentially there’s been nothing but all of these years, and that just isn’t enough. I want more. I deserve more. The Love will never die, I know that, but I can’t stay here anymore…. 

One of the hardest things I’ve ever been put through was a year before the sudden death of my Dad, he had some problems that eventually took his life too soon. He’d overdosed and went to the hospital and at that time he’d disappeared like so often, for some time, and out of the blue came back and told me he’d been hospitalized and begged me to come see him, affected by drugs, and my Mom was looking at me like, TELL HIM NO, and I said, ‘but Dad, I have a family-thing to go to’, and he said how I could throw away my own Dad and hung up the phone in my ear, and I started balling out in tears of hurt, I couldn’t believe my own Dad just did that. So I dialed and said how he could let those words slip out from his lips and that is was un-fair… A few days later my uncle picked me up to go to the hospital and see my Dad, and he warned me about his condition, as I was still a teenager, and was about to witness my Dad at the pit of the bottom, as he was heavily drugged by morphine at the hospital. And I have never in my life seen my father in that poor condition. He was un-able to speak, he was pale as crayon in the face, the only way he showed affection was the tears coming out of his eyes as my uncle said it was because I made it to the hospital, and I had to take the train-ride home alone later on that night…… Still shakes me up to this day and I wish for no child to be put through that situation EVER….. Some days I wonder if it was written for the passing of my Dad, cause eventually I’d have to distance myself from him to protect my Heart. A Daughter can’t go through seeing who’s supposed to be her father figure in and out of the hospital, suddenly missing for a long time because they can’t lose the habit…… This is a true story. 

Tell me why I have this urge. Tell me why I keep going back. Tell me why this person is the only person that can hit all my buttons, tell me why I get frustrated, why I lavish to all of the powers invested in this person. Tell me why, 3 years in, after confessing that love is apparent, I still search for you in the light and in the dark, in the hard of times, in the good of times. Even when you’ve contributed to both. I know what I deserve. It hasn’t taken none off my devoted love for you and it never will.. Tell me why I can’t move on cause the thought of a future with you is the only thing that really matters to me, and that I still see. After having been rocked like a literal hurricane. Is that immortal love? Is that being deeply in love with another Human Being? Please tell me, give me clearance. Cause they say love doesn’t need to make sense…. This is some other shit 

I am selfless enough to let you know what Experience you have been to me and how you have provided for my progress in life, as well as inside of my heart, I will always love you deeply for that, I cry thinking of you, my love for you goes so deep that I’ve found myself shivering, and I just want to put a face on that because when it all comes down to it, you should be thanked for it, you should be devoured for that, you are blessed for that… I will always hold a tough love that will never end for you, for that… You came into my life and became immortal. You are in my life and is continuously immortal, and one day you will leave, but you will always be immortal… Everything is temporary. What I am trying to say is that you’re not…. You’re immortality and you made me realize what it means being in love with another person, so I figured you at least deserve to know 

I’ve once been told that I was Wifey Material for buying someone a Microwave oven… LOL

I’ve always been such a good girl, that when I was 16 years old and a dude asked me on Skype if I had love handles, I asked my Mom…. Lol 0=)

You are the kind that if we were together right now, it’d be as if we haven’t been ‘separated’ for months, spiritually. My bond with you is beyond what is normal, I feel, and it truly saddens me that I feel like that foundation is lost. You’re not willing to put in the work for ‘us’ anymore, or water that flower that our friendship has embarked on.. Not just because I feel like one of my literal, best friends, is slipping through my fingers, but because I still have that feeling inside, that I did from when I first met you… Like, you’re THAT special. You’re my heart. My everything… And even though I know my worth, I throw everything out of the way when I see that you need me… Try and find that love again, I’m just saying… I miss you. I could say a thousand words to you everyday, but I don’t, cause you’re making me think that it doesn’t matter to you anymore 

I really love and adore the fact that we’re all a work in progress. We’re undefinable and mysterious, and we’re like a book of pages, just waiting to be discovered. Yet, this book won’t be available for everybody cause we’re fragile about our past chapters at the same time… Yet, the bigger picture shines through always, and someone is out there urging to discover you, and read you over and over again and never put you down, like Neil Armstrong was the First man on Mars 

I am a very vibrant person in the ways of picking up on spirits and souls of a ‘stranger’, that is in fact a friend I haven’t met yet. I pay great attention to the actions of other lives, as well as their body languages, and I have a strong sense of Characters. I think it’s possibly my strongest pro, that I can drop something real quick, once giving the benefit of the doubt, cause I see ahead. I don’t necessarily make a decision with my heart, but come to an conclusion with my mind, if I feel that something has taken its told. It is one Vibe meeting another. And human beings should look more into the importance of the spiritual interaction and making that move, whenever or wherever, cause Lives are incredibly precious…. And our time are not promised.