phobia

the core argument seems reasonable on the surface (assuming someone's identity based on interests is reductive, sure), but the way it's framed ends up being pretty hurtful to trans people in a few ways:

"i'm not trans" as a disclaimer — the fact that you felt the need to publicly clarify you aren't trans reads, even unintentionally, like being perceived as trans is something to correct or distance yourself from. if there was nothing wrong with being trans, the clarification wouldn't feel necessary.

conflating gender identity with genitals — "assuming someone's genitals based on their interests" is a very different thing from "assuming someone's gender identity," and sliding between the two subtly reduces trans identity to biology, which is a really common way trans people get dehumanised.

the "some of my trans friends" framing — a few trans friends agreeing doesn't mean the broader point doesn't cause harm. trans people aren't a monolith, and this is a common rhetorical move (consciously or not) that's used to deflect from criticism.

"everyone assumes i'm trans" as a complaint — framing being perceived as trans as an uncomfortable mistake centres the feelings of cis people over the dignity of trans people. the problem with mislabelling someone's identity is the mislabelling itself not that trans is the specific label being applied.

the underlying point about not reducing people to stereotypes based on fandom interests is valid! but it didn't need any of this framing to make that point, and the framing is where the harm lives. hope this is worth thinking about 💙

Thank you for explaining! I didn't at all mean to imply that being trans is something bad or to be ashamed about, and I'm very sorry for my wording on this matter.

I was curious about a thing that I saw happening a lot and I should've considered my words more carefully and will do so going forwards.

it comes off a little condescending but i doubt that's the intention behind it, since the rest of the message is admittedly very kind. but i have a few issues because the story the ask tells is different from what the ask is about.

to be frank assuming someone's gender identity is, at the end of the day, assuming someone's biology is a certain way. this isn't to erase trans people who don't medically transition, i barely want to myself and i am no transmed, but that doesn't change the fact that being trans is mostly about not identifying with the gender that was given to you because of your sex. gender and sex are two different things. being trans IS a gender identity. and it often correlates with having an opposing sex for what is typical of cisgendered people. trans being transformative and whatnot.

also, points one and two are based on nothing. op didn't make a disclaimer about how he wasn't trans, and the post is less complaining but moreso illuminating a possibly unhelpful quirk that the community should work out. op is right that it is kind of weird to be assumed to be trans because of your fandom ㅡ and the asker agrees, but i don't think turning it into a "being trans isn't a bad thing so why are you annoyed" discussion helps any of us. cis people have the right to be recognized as they are, just as much as trans people do. i understand that it's not radical to say that, since they have been recognized for literally all of time, but that doesn't make it less true. if i were assumed to be a lesbian all the time even though i wasn't, i'd be annoyed because that is not who i am. if i were assumed to be a cis woman all the time i'd be annoyed because that is not who i am. trans discomfort and trans dignity is important, but i think this should be looked at as a whole issue, where we should be able to live in a world where no assumptions are made, and everyone's dignity is respected.

also something to acknowledge that isn't stated in the og post or the ask, but: transness is NOBODY'S business but to the person it concerns. there are so many trans people worldwide who don't want to identify that way, or try to live their lives as cis people. nobody owes you an explaination for their gender identity, and assuming that someone is trans is inherently harmful. not because being trans is bad, but because assuming that you 100% know the identity of someone you don't know... is fucking rude !!! what people choose to disclose to you is their own business. i can understand thinking it, but honestly i think telling people directly that you think they're trans when they have stated otherwise is so genuinely disrespectful. it's a delicate identity that not everyone wants or identifies with. identities are inherently personal things. it's so so so SO rude to expect someone to not be uncomfortable when you project your own ideas of who you think they are onto them.

also, the trans friend point also kinda falls flat because. direct quote from the mentioned post

" i've had some of my trans friends agree with this but i'm curious what other people think "

as one of the mentioned trans friends who agreed.. (hi five sorry for leeching onto ur post) i think its fair to ask the opinions of people in a community you know nothing about their opinions on something you aren't quite sure on. i've been asked by cis friends, white friends, straight friends, all of the above about certain issues involving my identity and culture because they wanted to seek an insider standpoint. it's bad faith to assume that op was taking a "but i have trans friennnnds" angle.

the core argument seems reasonable on the surface (assuming someone's identity based on interests is reductive, sure), but the way it's framed ends up being pretty hurtful to trans people in a few ways:

"i'm not trans" as a disclaimer — the fact that you felt the need to publicly clarify you aren't trans reads, even unintentionally, like being perceived as trans is something to correct or distance yourself from. if there was nothing wrong with being trans, the clarification wouldn't feel necessary.

conflating gender identity with genitals — "assuming someone's genitals based on their interests" is a very different thing from "assuming someone's gender identity," and sliding between the two subtly reduces trans identity to biology, which is a really common way trans people get dehumanised.

the "some of my trans friends" framing — a few trans friends agreeing doesn't mean the broader point doesn't cause harm. trans people aren't a monolith, and this is a common rhetorical move (consciously or not) that's used to deflect from criticism.

"everyone assumes i'm trans" as a complaint — framing being perceived as trans as an uncomfortable mistake centres the feelings of cis people over the dignity of trans people. the problem with mislabelling someone's identity is the mislabelling itself not that trans is the specific label being applied.

the underlying point about not reducing people to stereotypes based on fandom interests is valid! but it didn't need any of this framing to make that point, and the framing is where the harm lives. hope this is worth thinking about 💙

Thank you for explaining! I didn't at all mean to imply that being trans is something bad or to be ashamed about, and I'm very sorry for my wording on this matter.

I was curious about a thing that I saw happening a lot and I should've considered my words more carefully and will do so going forwards.

it comes off a little condescending but i doubt that's the intention behind it, since the rest of the message is admittedly very kind. but i have a few issues because the story the ask tells is different from what the ask is about.

to be frank assuming someone's gender identity is, at the end of the day, assuming someone's biology is a certain way. this isn't to erase trans people who don't medically transition, i barely want to myself and i am no transmed, but that doesn't change the fact that being trans is mostly about not identifying with the gender that was given to you because of your sex. gender and sex are two different things. being trans IS a gender identity. and it often correlates with having an opposing sex for what is typical of cisgendered people. trans being transformative and whatnot.

also, points one and two are based on nothing. op didn't make a disclaimer about how he wasn't trans, and the post is less complaining but moreso illuminating a possibly unhelpful quirk that the community should work out. op is right that it is kind of weird to be assumed to be trans because of your fandom ㅡ and the asker agrees, but i don't think turning it into a "being trans isn't a bad thing so why are you annoyed" discussion helps any of us. cis people have the right to be recognized as they are, just as much as trans people do. i understand that it's not radical to say that, since they have been recognized for literally all of time, but that doesn't make it less true. if i were assumed to be a lesbian all the time even though i wasn't, i'd be annoyed because that is not who i am. if i were assumed to be a cis woman all the time i'd be annoyed because that is not who i am. trans discomfort and trans dignity is important, but i think this should be looked at as a whole issue, where we should be able to live in a world where no assumptions are made, and everyone's dignity is respected.

also something to acknowledge that isn't stated in the og post or the ask, but: transness is NOBODY'S business but to the person it concerns. there are so many trans people worldwide who don't want to identify that way, or try to live their lives as cis people. nobody owes you an explaination for their gender identity, and assuming that someone is trans is inherently harmful. not because being trans is bad, but because assuming that you 100% know the identity of someone you don't know... is fucking rude !!! what people choose to disclose to you is their own business. i can understand thinking it, but honestly i think telling people directly that you think they're trans when they have stated otherwise is so genuinely disrespectful. it's a delicate identity that not everyone wants or identifies with. identities are inherently personal things. it's so so so SO rude to expect someone to not be uncomfortable when you project your own ideas of who you think they are onto them.

also, the trans friend point also kinda falls flat because. direct quote from the mentioned post

" i've had some of my trans friends agree with this but i'm curious what other people think "

as one of the mentioned trans friends who agreed.. (hi five sorry for leeching onto ur post) i think its fair to ask the opinions of people in a community you know nothing about their opinions on something you aren't quite sure on. i've been asked by cis friends, white friends, straight friends, all of the above about certain issues involving my identity and culture because they wanted to seek an insider standpoint. it's bad faith to assume that op was taking a "but i have trans friennnnds" angle.