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I know it was not meant to be and you were not to grow you in my body for long but my heart is shattered and I feel a guilt so strong that I did not have the strength to have you. I know it is all written and I have to be strong but these tears fall uncontrollably, praying that I am able to meet you in Jannah my little one. I did not have the strength to grow you but I know you were there, I know you gave me that moment of joy before you were taken from me.

How can I leave my baby? I cry uncontrollably thinking about it. She relies on me so much still for comfort, food and sleep. I worry that her eating won't improve and her bad food habits are because of me.

I worry I won't be able to balance my life well; to be a mother, wife and teacher.

I wish I could just be with her, raise her and be her mum all day. I try so hard to think positively but I can't- why doesn't my baby eat well still? Have I done something wrong? How can I get her to sleep well at night without me needing to feed her? I just want to be a good mum but I just feel the worst.

I gave birth to my firstborn and my daughter, Aisha. I have never felt a love so strong and precious. This love for my daughter has only increased the love I feel for my husband, watching him become a dad and seeing how his entire world revolves around us both.

I can't remember what this was about but Alhamdulillah my words gave you some sort of comfort. May Allah ease all your affairs.

Wa'Alaykum Salaam,

And I'm married. I have a beautiful baby girl and life has moved on so much.

I didn't recognise you at first but something told me it was you. I don't think I would ever really forget your face. Such a significant person who helped me, through the heartache find my way in the end.

It was strange. I felt so self conscious in that moment but I braced myself. Why? I am more than the vulnerable girl you once you. Here I am, with my daughter and my husband at my side.

I doubted myself again. Was it really you?